F2M'S Dating M2F's - Your Experiences?

[wheat thins are delicious]

Can cisgender men and women really view transgender women and men as "real" women and men or only as something different?

I believe they can.

[Adam (birkin)]

Honestly, I can not see being in a relationship with a cisgender person ever again. Being with a trans* spouse means never having to explain why dysphoria is destroying me any particular time. It means never having my gender questioned in the sac. A trans spouse/lover understands very intimatly why things have to be the way they have to be in the romance department.

With a cisgender lover/spouse I wouldn't have that intimate knowing that I share with my trans* spouse.

I can definitely appreciate your point, and I can see that being a huge plus in a trans/trans relationship. As long as the two people are on the same wavelength, which you and Sevan definitely seem to be.

That said...I have known some transwomen who are really, really ignorant of my issues because they are so caught up in their own (not that I have been in a relationship with them, but just in conversation and such). Some of them would make me more dysphoric, uncomfortable, and offended than a cisgender person who was struggling to understand.

I have also known some transwomen who I could definitely see myself with, because we have similar views and understanding when it comes to our own experiences and pains associated with transition. In that case, it would be a huge benefit of the relationship.

I was also with a cisgender woman, and in the entire time I have known her, I really believe that she sees me as a guy. She was really understanding of all my issues with dysphoria and my body, was always very respectful, and knew how to make me comfortable. The only times she did not understand was when my dysphoria made me a little sexually distant, but that was because she had a poor self-esteem and thought it meant I didn't like her or want her.

[Nygeel]

In my experience, cisgender men and women who date trans* women or men are either sexually confused or completely tired of cisgender women or men. As you can imagine that was a big issue for me being a transgender woman, because I did not want to be a sexual experiment or seen different from other women. Can cisgender men and women really view transgender women and men as "real" women and men or only as something different?

I've dated a cisgender woman who viewed me as a man completely. It was good times.

I think cis people who date trans people exclusively often have something funky going on but if they find my being trans as unimportant that's all wavy gravy.

[audreyk]

To me, f2ms and m2fs are kindred spirits with a lot in common.  The hardest part it seems is that f2ms trend to be shorter and m2fs tend to be taller.  There is added difficulty in this society for men to be shorter than their women.

Audrey

[Ayden]

In my experience, cisgender men and women who date trans* women or men are either sexually confused or completely tired of cisgender women or men. As you can imagine that was a big issue for me being a transgender woman, because I did not want to be a sexual experiment or seen different from other women. Can cisgender men and women really view transgender women and men as "real" women and men or only as something different?

Wow, this is an old thread.

Your experience is just that - your experience. It doesn't mean that every non-trans person feels sexually confused. I haven't had any problems being seen as male by my gay male husband. So, yeah, they can easily see us as we are.

I've dated a cisgender woman who viewed me as a man completely. It was good times.

I think cis people who date trans people exclusively often have something funky going on but if they find my being trans as unimportant that's all wavy gravy.

^this. Though, I have met someone who was interested in being active in the trans community, just not for a relationship. Those people are totally cool too.

[Sly]

I don't know if I would date a MTF.  I like penises, is the thing... and I know it depends on the girl, but most MTFs don't seem to be comfortable with the idea of using theirs.  Plus I'm attracted to males, and I'm not sure how I'd feel about dating someone female-identified.
Dating another FTM feels even less likely cuz, yanno, penis.

Not saying I never would, mind you.  I've just never been attracted to another trans person and I have a couple reasons why.  But you never know, someone might come along and completely change my mind.

[Jared]

I'm dating right now with someone who's MTF but totally post-op so I see her as a woman and she identifys herself as a woman too. She just used to be MTF let's say. I'm pre-everything so it's a bit weird but I like what's going on and we'll see what will happen. If you date someone who is transitioning or transitioned you don't have to lie about yourself or hiding your life at the beginning. I don't want to sound like an idiot with that but it's a big advantage I think.

[AdamMLP]

I can't imagine what it would be like with a trans woman simply because I can't imagine being with anyone unless I actually like that individual.  I suppose I'm probably close to demisexual or something, or maybe I'm just extremely happy with who I've got, but I don't think I've ever been attracted to someone per se that I've not known, so I really can't imagine being attracted to a trans woman, not because they're trans, but simply because I can't imagine being with any woman - cis or trans - until I've already fallen for them emotionally.  It probably doesn't help either that I've never met a trans woman or even really seen photos of a trans woman around my age (I don't ever really stray from the FTM boards here or anything).

[Kitty_Babe]

okaaay, just to chime in with my thoughts on all this, is basically, I haven't known if I have ever met another post op, of the F/M variaty, I expect they should appear as they should as 100% male, and yes if they are attractive I'll fancy him. If I dated, one and didnt suspect, and was told such, of course I would be just as shocked, as if it was me telling a cisman, who would give me the same treatment.

I of course wouldnt reject the f/m at all, but it would enhance my relationship with them even more.

Do CIS accept even post ops as their chosen gender, in most cases NO. They don't, get it, or will understand, but feel in their own sexual identity in which they set themselves, as who they are, can't feel comfortable with sleeping with some one who used to be some thing else. No Idea why this is, after all were just correcting a birth defect.

But generally this is how it is.. But yes there ARE some but not many straights who will date you.

Catherine x

[I need a new name]

I always preferred dating transsexual men over cissexual men, because with  transsexual men the issue of my self idenfication is never in question. I am simply a woman and he is a man[period]. Also, I have discovered while dating transsexual men I am never asked stupid TRANS 101 questions and we genuinely understand one another.  I suppose transgender men who date women(trans or cis) never have this problem since women are more understanding to such things, but it is an entirely different outcome with most transgender women dating cissexual men. The point of my post is to inform transgender women about the possibility of dating other transgender people.

[Make_It_Good]

In my experience, cisgender men and women who date trans* women or men are either sexually confused or completely tired of cisgender women or men.  Can cisgender men and women really view transgender women and men as "real" women and men or only as something different?

I have only ever dated cis women. I have never been seen by them as anything other than a normal guy. I dont see myself as trans, and I sure as hell wouldnt put up with anyone else viewing me as trans.
Maybe it is because of people's experiences, and/or lack of acceptance from cis men and women they come across relationship wise, that makes them think cis men and women are incapable of seeing ftm and mtf as what they are and not a trans person.

Do CIS accept even post ops as their chosen gender, in most cases NO. They don't, get it, or will understand, but feel in their own sexual identity in which they set themselves, as who they are, can't feel comfortable with sleeping with some one who used to be some thing else. No Idea why this is, after all were just correcting a birth defect.

But generally this is how it is.. But yes there ARE some but not many straights who will date you.

Catherine x

Id have to disagree with you here. Ofcourse, I think that (unfortunately) having to admit to this medical situation Im going through, can make things harder in terms of getting a girlfriend. But it doesnt mean its impossible. There are cisgendered people out there, who are outside of the lgbt bubble with no understanding of it, that will accept you 100%, without question.
Ive not had a problem with it before. All the girlfriends Ive had, have seen me as a regular guy. Granted, I didnt ever date when I was pre T, so the T probably helped them to see me as your average joe, but even so, being with girls pre and post op, didnt make a difference. My body has always been presented as male. I make sure people see me as who I am, and not to be identified as trans, as thatll always stick with people's view of you.

[justmeinoz]

I have a couple of transwoman  friends who are in relationships with cis-women, and they have no problems.  Pity I can't seem to attract at least one myself.
Having begun to identify as Pansexual lately I am starting to view all men in a different light, but cis men will still have a few hurdles to get over first.  As my son is FtM I have no problem relating to transmen however.  They are men just as I am a woman.  As for body parts they are just that, bits of the body that give pleasure and are just a bit out of the ordinary, so once we got going I don't think that would really be a problem.  It hasn't been with the Intersex woman I have got to know.

Karen.

[aleon515]

I am currently head over heels for an mtf. She's getting SRS, but I never will have SRS myself and I am pre-medical transition (which she knows-- at least the latter). I don't know if I care about equipment though. I feel a kinship with a lot of mtfs, I think there is a whole portion of our lives that a cis person will never get and I do consider myself a transguy and not male (I know that varies and that T could change that sort of thing). Anyway, I care what kind of person someone is, maybe it is my age or something. I used to be asexual so attraction to someone is very new to me, not sure how I am going to feel about things as they go forward as I have been kind of defensive about being touched. What I would be-- is this gay or straight? I think the best you could say is that this is "queer" (sorry if I offend anyone with this term). But I don't know if I care if someone passes or not or anything.

I don't know why a cis person dating only trans people is confused? Sounds like they might like the idea of, say, a guy who has experienced how women are treated in society. Wouldn't this be an advantage in some people's eyes?? Most of the cis people I know with relationships with an ftm were formerly having lesbian relations. I don't know what this is now and I think the experience might defy terminology.

I guess I still feel I am non-binary in some respects.

--Jay J

[Rita]

My gf is cis gendered, she never ever treats me as anything more than a woman.  Its not about my sexual organs, but about my heart and my mind.

[I need a new name]

At first, I did not think I could ever date a preoperative transsexual. But despite the issue of their biological genitalia, I knew he, my husband, was the perfect man for me. Also, as time went by, I learned to overlook his genitalia and even helped him get the genital corrective surgery(phallopasty)(GCS)[youtube.com/watch?v=WeM6g-os650&feature=channel&list=UL]. Yes, everything works fine in that area and the scarring is barely visible now. We have been married for 25 years now and thanks to modern technology we have 3 biological children. Has anyone here try researching embryo & egg storage banks[spermbankcalifornia.com/embryo-egg-banking.html]? Please utilize this information and pass it on to other transpeople. I know most of you here are young and have no need for children right now. But trust me, you will change your mind later on once you find your soulmate. Plus, children are a wonderful distraction. If later on you still do not want children, you can always sell your eggs or sperm. It can be very lucrative. It is always good to have many options in life as opposed to none at all. 

[A to the T]

In my personal opinion as a mtf I'd date a ftm. As long as I like you I'll date you. Plus I think a ftm would have a better understanding of things and put more effort into a relationship then most cis males. I can't form connections well with most cis males. Ive been asked out a lot by cis males but i always say no. Well to most. Dated like 3 guys out of a lot. Idk how many. Its kind da sad actually. I'm bisexual BTW and prefer women but I'd date a man I like. I was actually was wondering if a ftm would date a mtf or if it was common.