Gosh ... so much to say, I hope I remember everything ... lol. Accordingly, this post may be a tad disjointed.
I have narrow hips and have no problem dangling my leg behind the other sitting "knee on knee". Both index fingers are about 3 mm longer than the ring fingers. On the other hand, research has indicated that there is a statistically significant tendency for TSs to be left handed; I'm not.
Before I comment, I guess I should say that I have a degree in biology/genetics which helps me a bit with "why". I've read all the research on "why" and frankly, it all makes sense, albeit it's still just theory.
The study of neuro-concentration in the brain - male vs. female - came from a study of 7 MtFs and 1 FtMs. In all these cases, the article I found implies that it was on post mortem examination, that it was found that TSs had brains that were similar to the gender to which they had transitioned.
When I first became aware I was "TS", my first reaction was elation. That lasted two days until all the hurdles dawned on me - voice, face, family, friends, work, children's weddings to come, etc. However, even then and with a fleeting thought of "Can I put the genie back into the bottle", I found being TS very easy to accept. I think it was Kate who asked "how" one does this. I can say there was no single event in finally coming to a total peace as I re-examined: "what if I'm wrong." What I did notice is that over a period of about 2 months, the episodes of "what if" became less frequent and of shorter duration. Then, last month, the doubts just disappeared. However, I will add the following. My "ex" and about five other g/f's have told me that, in hindsight, it made total sense to them. While not ever effeminate, they all say that our conversations and other interactions have always been more "g/f to g/f" in nature. These opinions, the easy of thinking and reacting more like a female as I shed the "male mask", and the peace and joy I now feel have probably helped. As of today - about 3.5 months from "awareness" - I sense my true inner self at all times.
Regarding self acceptance, I don't know if it's the lessons I've learned in 55 years or something else but I truly like who I am. As other facets of "me" have become apparent over the years, it's been very easy to take an honest look in the mirror and simply work at improving what I didn't like in myself. I guess to a great degree "who I am" has become to a great extent who I purposely want to be: good, honest, patient - ok, still working on this one - supportive .. ok .. you get the idea.
Ok .. back to the research. There are three hypothesis of "why" including - this to Cash - the drug DES used in the 1950's to prevent miscarriage. In short however, all humans begin their existance as females. One only becomes male in vivo if certain genes trigger the production of testosterone and "anti estrogen" precursors. This in turn causes the suppression of female hormones and predominance of male hormones. Depending upon the severity of this phenomenon, one could be IS or TS. There are two significant points to make about this. First, the effect on brain chemistry and physical outcomes is not totally related. Secondly, no two individuals are alike and the result is a spectrum of severity.
Accordingly, "the answer may be that it's not genes but hormones" isn't exactly on point. Genes determine which hormones are produced. The reference you will see in the literature to the genetic component is "SRY".
Finally, a review of all research in Great Britain all but totally discounts any psychological aspect to being TS. Research hypothesizes that TSism is determined predominantly during the fetal and neonatal - first thirty days of life - periods. This should not be confused with any discussion regarding homosexuality and it's cause for as we all know, we are concerned with gender identity, not sexual preference.
If anyone really wants to read the UK complilation of research, I'll try to find the link again.
Shayna
