I had my security Interview this week with the vetting Officer. It went okay but still have to go back for another session . The Crossdressing was not so much of a problem. I told him about my Confidential Email being leaked to the Office. He looked surprised, and said, 'I can assure you that it did not come from us'. I said that after that I came out to others in my Department as they knew, as well as to an SMS, and to friends in the Office who knew me up. I sent information to others including my previous boss as well as my existing one. If only to clear up the misconceptions that exist. The best strategy is to come out to everyone. That way the chances of being blackmailed are slim. He told me that it was a concern that I had not told my farther.
So I decided to come out to him and gave him a letter on Friday to read which explains my situation. I waited most of Friday to find out how he would react. I felt sure that my farther would go off the wall. As in all the previous times he has reacted badly to bad news when either my brother or Mother or told him anything. As my mother died about five years ago I am lucky in that I have only him and my brother to come out to. I wish that I had the chance to come out to my mother. I told her when I was very young, but I am not sure that she really understood what it meant. As I neither got approval or disapproval.
My farthers reaction is that he is upset. But it is so strange in that he has taken it well. I was expecting the worse in that he would fly off the handle. I have spent so much of my life worrying about his reaction and know I have it it is like an anticlimax. I found out that he did not know, and that it has 'Come as a big shock'. I tried to answer some of his questions. On the key ones, 'I would like to crossdress around the House'.
He has told me ever so politely that 'He won't be able to handle it'. That If I want to do this then I would have to move out and find a place on my own. I said, 'Then that is what I would do'. I told him that I would use Hotels and his reaction was to get angry, 'He told me that they cost too much'.
He still believes that the Pschologists diagnosis is wrong and that I am not a 'Dual Role ->-bleeped-<-'. That I will some how go back to being Normal. I said that their was no cure and that I have been dealing with it. it is best to do this know then later. He also blamed my brother and I for being a Schizophrenic and a ->-bleeped-<-. I assured him that it wasnot his fault or my mothers.
The problem I have now is that do I wait or do I try to cross the line. It is clearly drawn that 'He won't be able to cope seeing me crossdressed, and that if I want to do this I will have to get my own place'. If I dress at Home and in Private then really their shouldnot be a problem. I know that if I force things to much then that will make angry I would have to leave ? So not really sure what to do now all things are all quite on the 'Western Front'.
I am currently in a Phoney war situation. Everything will be okay as long as I do not cross the line.
He managed to make a joke, which was, now 'I am a ->-bleeped-<- I will be able to do a lot of the Housework' Why do Tranvestites never do much of it'. (Dads views not my own). I have crossed the delicate issue of whether or not I want to transition he has not raised it. For now I am happy to Crossdress and concentrate on going out to Support Groups and the Shopping Mall. I have not done this so this is something that I need to explore more before going further. Anyway one down and my brother to go. At least I can tell the Security Department that I have told my farther so the risk is now almost negligable. I also have the benefit of being the first time free of my secret. I am out of the closet and now in a much bigger one.
