An interesting choice...

[Chaunte]

At church school today, the 4th grade kids were all given gifts to celebrate the end of the school year.  My little guy drew trading cards of the cartoon characters The Simpsons.  He swapped with someone else to get a decorating kit for his jeans.  The kit was filled with beads, bangles and things to sew on.  Take my word that there is nothing at all boy-ish in the box.

At the risk of sounding sexist, the decorating kit seems to be a feminine item. 

Upset?  Not in the least.  I simply find it ... curious.  I am wondering if I am seeing the first expression of ->-bleeped-<-.

Chaunte

[stephanie_craxford]

Hey there Chaunte.

You could be right but who knows what goes through the minds of children these days.  He could also be a budding artist or fashion designer   Then there is also the other thought that he just plain thinks it would be neat to decorate his jeans.

Chat later.

Steph

[Dennis]

Very cool that he felt comfortable making that choice. I remember going to child's christmas things, where they would have 'boy' presents and 'girl' presents and sneaking about until I could find someone who didn't know me so I could get a boy present. And, the times I couldn't do that, 'forgetting' my stupid doll or child's makeup kit at the hall.

And Steph's right, could be just the slightly more blurred gender lines there are now, and a reflection of the fact that boys have a little more freedom than they used to to express themselves.

Dennis

[Chaunte]

Steph & Dennis,

Absolutely true about the blurred gender lines!  Who knows what ideas are brimming in his head!  After all, who am I to mandate and enforce gender lines?!   

He is at the right age to get into his sister's things simply because it pushes her buttons.  And, Lord knows, he looooooves pushing her buttons.  (Actually stomping on them might be a better description!)

However...  (You knew that Iwas going to drop a however in the middle of this, didn't you?)
Given he likes "messing" with his sister's makeup; female underwear has been found in his room (fortunately by me); and lastly telling his friends tht he likes hanging with the girls because he is "half girl" (his words) gives me pause. 

He is 9 now - just a year or two older than I was when I became curious about my true gender.

No judgement, mearly data to be noted and filed for future reference.

Chaunte

(I can't help myself from analyzing this.  It's the Vulcan in me that just won't stay quiet!)

[stephanie_craxford]

Now Chaunte you never mentioned any of this in your initial post

Steph

[Valerie]

Most interesting, Chaunte,

If it turns out your son is transgendered, it's good to know he will have at least one accepting, supportive parent.  Did your wife respond one way or the other to the bead kit he aquired?  What did you say when he told you he's 'half-girl'? (Body language counts, too!)

He seems to still be at that unabashed stage where he doesn't feel the need to think of his tastes as something to be hidden -- and good for him.  But in the coming years this will become increasingly difficult for him & your affirmation of who he is (no matter whether he continues to challenge gender lines or not!) will be absolutely crucial. 

Several weeks ago I watched a movie titled 'Ma Vie en Rose' (My Life in Pink) about a young boy of 8 who dressed as a girl every chance he got--at one point when he was picked up from school his mother (or maybe it was Grandma) inquired about the boy he was seen with, and he said, "We're going to get married when I'm not a boy anymore" or something to that effect.  Absolute innocence.  Unashamed. As it should be. 

His parents, however, nearly destroyed him over it, but finally came around at the end of the movie. You might want to check it out one day...I saw it on LOGO, but I can't imagine why they wouldn't have it available on DVD or something.

XO,
Valerie

[Chaunte]

Most interesting, Chaunte,

If it turns out your son is transgendered, it's good to know he will have at least one accepting, supportive parent.  Did your wife respond one way or the other to the bead kit he aquired?  What did you say when he told you he's 'half-girl'? (Body language counts, too!)

He seems to still be at that unabashed stage where he doesn't feel the need to think of his tastes as something to be hidden -- and good for him.  But in the coming years this will become increasingly difficult for him & your affirmation of who he is (no matter whether he continues to challenge gender lines or not!) will be absolutely crucial. 

Several weeks ago I watched a movie titled 'Ma Vie en Rose' (My Life in Pink) about a young boy of 8 who dressed as a girl every chance he got--at one point when he was picked up from school his mother (or maybe it was Grandma) inquired about the boy he was seen with, and he said, "We're going to get married when I'm not a boy anymore" or something to that effect.  Absolute innocence.  Unashamed. As it should be. 

His parents, however, nearly destroyed him over it, but finally came around at the end of the movie. You might want to check it out one day...I saw it on LOGO, but I can't imagine why they wouldn't have it available on DVD or something.

XO,
Valerie

No, I didn't mention any of the rest earlier.  I humbly ask forgiveness for the omission.

My response when he said he was half-girl was to ask why he thought of himself that way, and I asked in a positive & curious sort of way.  He laughed and said "because it makes the girls laugh."  Given everything else, I wonder if there might be more to this - something that he is not really aware of yet.

The bead kit apparently did not bring down my wife's wrath.  In fact, she may have helped him get started wit it.  I was at play rehearsal at church, so I missed the encounter.  When I got home, she was asleep and he was in tears.  He shoved a pair of jeans in my face and asked if I knew what it was that he had sewn.  It was the American flag, but I didn't have time to pick it out cold.  He burst into tears and said that he can't do this and that he is terrible at sewing.  I held him for a moment, gave him a kiss on the forehead and told him everything takes practice. 

I suspect that my wife will have a difficult time if he is transgendered.  What I want for him is this - to try his best at what ever field he goes into and to live a happy life. 

Chaunte

[Robyn]

Nine.  Hmmmmm.  Perhaps that's a magic age. 

I can trace my feelings of 'not boy' and my attraction to women's clothes to age 9. 

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I hadn't been almost caught at it and hadn't submerged those feelings very deeply until I was an adult.

Ma Vie en Rose is a cute movie with a good message.  I saw it with a girl friend shortly after I went full time.  Brought tears to my eyes.  I think every lesbian in town was in the theater that day.  Friends all.

Robyn

[Chaunte]

My daughter passed on an interesting conversation between her and my son.  According to her, my son wants to be a girl so he can expereince giving birth to a child.

"Curiouser and curiouser," said Alice to the cat...

Well, I am pretty convinced he has some strong TG/TS tendencies.

Chaunte

[Jonna]

Wow.  Your child is amazingly lucky to have you as a parent.  He speaks from innocence, and too many times such children have suffered retribution for it.  I once read an article in Men's Health magazine that suggested that fathers will most often react very poorly or even lose their head if they see their own behaviors manifested in their son.  Often when I hear about fathers being verbally or phyically abusive to their son when he acts like a "sissy", I am convinced that the father is lashing out from a mixture of self-contempt and guilt.  A subconcious voice saying "I acted like that and brought shame on myself and now my son is doing it too, well I am going to fix him like Daddy fixed me."

At age six I was telling playmates I wanted to be a girl.  Innocently.  It took a few years for me to realize that expressing myself was a mistake.  I sincerely hope that your little guy will be able to remember his forthcomingness and honesty with a smile in the years to come, no matter where his road takes him.

[Chaunte]

Wow.  Your child is amazingly lucky to have you as a parent.  He speaks from innocence, and too many times such children have suffered retribution for it.  I once read an article in Men's Health magazine that suggested that fathers will most often react very poorly or even lose their head if they see their own behaviors manifested in their son.  Often when I hear about fathers being verbally or phyically abusive to their son when he acts like a "sissy", I am convinced that the father is lashing out from a mixture of self-contempt and guilt.  A subconcious voice saying "I acted like that and brought shame on myself and now my son is doing it too, well I am going to fix him like Daddy fixed me."

At age six I was telling playmates I wanted to be a girl.  Innocently.  It took a few years for me to realize that expressing myself was a mistake.  I sincerely hope that your little guy will be able to remember his forthcomingness and honesty with a smile in the years to come, no matter where his road takes him.

Thank you.  I am trying to do the things I wish had happened to me when I was caught as a child.  I refuse to do the guilt/shame routine over this.  It's not going to happen while I am here.

BTW, my son likes to wear large teeshirts to bed as his pj's.  He came downstairs a few days back wearing one and asked ,"How do you like my dress?"

[stephanie_craxford]

You are a wonderful parent Chaunte.  Children are our greatest gift, we should always cherish and nurture them, no matter what.  Dr Phil should take some notes from you.

Steph

[Dersi]

I think its scary, to see someone you love suffering some GID.

Well, it seems your children have some transgender feelings so... what is your next step?

I think finding a therapist and found out more about him, could help.

Good luck.

[Chaunte]

Actually, he is seeing a therapist now to help deal with some anger issues.  I will be passing this on to him.

Chaunte