Being Afraid

[chrerry]

I wonder if any of the wife's are afraid of losing there SO to someone else if they visit CD club's or chat with other CD's ?

[kristinrichann]

Chrerry
  I dont know about the others  but me and my SO have a relationship as sisters  neather of us wants a Lez relationship  not to mention no one is parking their shoes under my bed (I'm not suporting no man)and my sister feels the same how ever we do have fun going out  but we are under a agreement that we do not bring it home  if you want to go out go ahead but dont bring it home    there is at the start the feeling of loosing some one that you care about  but there is the saying that if you love something enough that you have to be prepaired to let it go   or something like that    but in all we have fun picking on men also   take care
Kristin

[chrerry]

  Kristin thank's for your reply I guess my life has been full of giving up things and most of them people I love, I was married to a very straight man for 39 years and most of it I gave him with to other women, I have lost 2 daughter, mother. husband, my father is now leaving me and I have 2 brothers that have cancer, so I guess I have the fear of losing the one's I love, when I met my CD I didn't know he was a CD for a year, and when he told me it really didn't matter to me, but my one thing was to have commitment, that is very important to me, I want someone that love me as much as I love them and we have did a lot of talking and he wants the same as me, so I feel safe with us now, we plan on being married and have done a lot of talking about what we both want out of what time we have left on this earth and for both of we have finally found someone who understands us..may we all have what we want out of life with all the happiness....chrerry

[noeleena]

hi...Chrerry.... what i see is a lot of c ds  & t s . dont see that there s os     lose a male.    husband .  father.   lover . & some say o  i am the same person    ya right .  that is not the case    we. do change in lots of ways     o yes we do .   for me i am & you will know what i am saying i am now a female a women not a natual one yet all ways female inside from age 10  now i can live as a women so what about jos she has lost her man    not that i was one well i looked the part just not inside.     my life as a transfemale is not about me its about jos our  3  kids yes at 30 to 33 .     our 5   g kids i am well aware of what is going on in our lives & to think it was me who brought this on them .    damm hard to cope with .  some thing like this   o yes i am very happy as a women yet  . to think what has happened  thats so hard so yes i do know what it is for our s os       . for now we live as 2 females latter on .   dont know   i may yet lose one of our sons thats just too hard ,,,,,, just to let you know a bit about us .     nice to hear from you ..... noeleena

[kristinrichann]

Noeleena and Chrerry
we shouldnt feel ashamed because of the birth defect that we are born with and yes it does effect others but I think that it is good that we show remorse for what we have done to the ones that we care and love and have decieved "as long as it is that serious remorice"  (it shows that we care and do have feelings) it is so strange that we should try so hard all our life to be something that we are not just so we apiese others or society to fit into their standings or try to make our famleys happy so we are not embarsing them as they see it   As I have told before in other posts I have lost my entire famely that I thought loved me  I thought love was suposto be uncondentional  ya right   but I am fine now I have been with my SO for over 25 yrs and she found out about my prolbem within the first couple of years but I felt that I had to come clean with her  and it was the right thing to do  if we love someone we need to be honest with them no matter what the conditions are  I thought I was about to loose her  or so I thought   I saw the hurt the confusion the anger and etc and there wasnt anything that I could do about it but try to explain to her about my life and tell her that I was extreamly sorry for what I had done to her   that is when she did recearch and found out that it realy wasnt my fault that I was like that  I did show her the remorce that I had for decieving her but also explained that I though that I could beat it on my own that is when she learned that no one can beat it it will always be there  it is something that you are born with  and we need more public awairness that would get the general population or society to understand that this is realy a birth defect that we are born with  maby more open knowlage would keep people like me from being so imbarised or afraid to tell others about what we are dealing with before we damage other lives let alone our own trying to be something or someone that we are not 
one thing that I have learned through counseling is that I had to quit lieing to my self  I had to except who I realy am  I had to fight the fear of others finding out  and my SO was a big help with that she taught me that it was ok to be me the real me  and the hell with what others think if they dont like it they can leave  its not them that has to experience all the confusion they can not even begin to understand the hell that is involved inside ones self that has to suffer with this all their life    we also have to understand that one that there are people every day born with birth defects and also understand that no ones prolbem is worse than anyones elses and as far as famely we were sisters we had a conection but it couldnt be sexual it had to be better and it was OH YES IT WAS  we actualy had fun
I hear of so many that their SO because they were decieved that they feel so much anger that they eather get revenge and make prolbems worse or they dont want to try and learn more about this and do something that they have done all their life and that is RUN and HIDE from conflects   hide from life and think that the world owes them something   like that they never decieved anyone in their life  YA RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!
I feel for my sisters that are experiencing this in their lives and at the same time I feel for their SO's and famelys and children  I pray that they will want to learn right along with us and come to except us as we truly are for who we realy are  and as me and my sister have learned to have fun with it   in a way its like being a kid again 
any who I hope the best for ya all   and Chrerry  learn to have fun with this believe me and my sister when we say you both can be the best suport for each other   it wont be easy on eather of you  but it can be a great learning experience for the both of you and you will rely come to know each other better
TTFN
Kristin & Pippy
thouse are the people that realy do have a prolbem

[chrerry]

  Kristin and Pippy thank you so much for your letter I very much enjoyed it but would like to tell you a little about me and my CD amber , in 2005 I lost my hubby of 39 years and our marriage was not always a good one, very hard at time as he was a drink for many years, and I have two wonderful son's, before I met my CD I saw a special on night line about gender Identity, and from that time on it gave my a understanding of what they were going through,it showed one from a child to an adult and my heart went out to they, after my husband passed away I told myself I never wanted to be in a relationship or marriage again where I always felt everything was my fault, I' am 59 year's old and most of my life I never looked a man in the eye's when I spoke to them,it was so bad that I found myslef not talking to man men, I guess you could say I was controled from the time I was little to obey, any way when I met my SO we dated for a year, the first day we met he rode his red motorcycle,wore a black leather jacket , 6' tall and had the most beautiful blue eyes I ever saw and I think I feel in love with him at that moment, our first day was weird, we sat under a tree and talked about everything, family, religion, and all our dream's , he told me he had been married 3 time's and was on his 3rd. divorce but I didn't question him at what had happened, I told him about my marriage and how hard things were at time's and that my father was old school and son's always came first and the man was always the boss of the family, we dated for a year and it was wonderful and then one day he e-mailed me to say he needed to talk to me on the week-end and to me I thought he was telling me it was over, but to my supries it was about his cding and I have to say I was relieved, I love him for who he and at time's he's my amber, I'm so glad that I seen the special on gender Identity because I knew how he felt, what we have it what we are both happy with, we talk about everything, and we bout don't want to lose our children or familie's he is totally happy with the way we are, he say's its his dream come true to finally after 3 marriages and 59 years of pain he can finally be his self and that's all I want for him, for the first time in my life I can look a man in the eyes when we talk and it's all because of him, I tell him he saved me form myself and made me just a whole...thank's for taking the time to read this and thank you for the lovely letter...chrerrywine and amber

[kristinrichann]

I see that there is piece in your relationship and it was good that he told you all about him self   that is a hard thing for a person like us to do before there is a relationship   we feer so much that we will chase others from our lives  and even become futher outcast of society   the labales that they put on us hurt enough   some people have the ability to be open about ourselfs but there are those that have been brainwashed all their life to think that this is wrong or they have a mental prolbem and are labled as sick  I am glad that you had prior knowlage of this situation and it is verry good that you can understand the hell that we undertake through out our lifes  expecialy when we have had enough and finaly want to find the real person that we are  the critism that is put on us how we are labled is a curse that we have to endure the rest of our lives that is why we sometimes have to turn our skins into leather    I hate to use this word but the S is verry high in our group
and it makes both me and my sister sick when we see it happen   two many times we see people start and then quit just because of the confusion or others condeming them then they are back were they started  both me and my sister wish that when I was a child that there was more knowlage and exceptance of this  then I and others like me would have had a better life  but then we wouldnt have had the chance to meet each other and find out what beautifull people that each other is   I am realy happy for the children today and that there is more knowlage and exceptance of this so they have a desent chance of life  but even today there is still the negitivity in society 
on the hate list I think that we are on the top of the charts and that is sad   I am also hoping that more states except  putting us into the hate crime list when others atack us  it is needed   I two was married multiple times  and they did nt last long   I couldnt keep hidding something as big as this   I am so thankfull for my sister that we are able to relate on this and the fact that it wouldnt have come to tearm if it wasnt for her pushing me   didnt have much choice when she through out all my other clothes   we look back at that now and laugh  I usto purge the other way not the way she purged me   as she said it has to start somewere well she wasnt kidding  she is all the famely that I will ever need    neather of us wants a man permitly in our lifes but we dont mind being spoiled once in a while   
you two take care of each other and enjoy your lifes   we pray for the best for the both of you
I think that there is a way that you can e-mail each other through this board and any time you need to speek or get imformation from Pippy  feel free she welcomes any SO to contact her  she will and is willing to help in any way   one thing that we have also learned is that we do not keep secrets from eachother any more
TTFN
Kristin & Pippy