I keep putting off getting in touch with the therapist, mostly I guess because out of fear with where things will go after that. I've always been one to do things with conviction, and that's what scares me. But, I know too that unless I get a therapist I won't get what I want and need: HORMONES. Well, I can go the route of weak "herbals" like Evanesce & Feminol, but do I really want to waste that much time AND not have someone monitoring my body? My wife clearly doesn't want me to transition. She *says* that she accepts me. Well, her exact words are "I accept that your bisexual and transgendered", but it's not the same as someone saying "I love you for who you are, and I want to encourage you be who you are". Last night I told her that I enjoy sleeping in panties. She didn't say anything, just sort of gave a fake laugh. She doesn't want to encourage me to do any of this stuff, and if I can't be comfortable with who I am, well the picture is becoming clearer and clearer. I hate to make this an issue of finances, but right now she is the ONLY income provider in our family (I am going to college), and if she were to leave me and file divorce she for sure would get my son and the fact that I am transgendered and into crossdressing would certainly be used against me. The other day she made a comment about how if I were to look like a woman she wouldn't leave me. That in the past I had told her that I loved her like a brother and sister. At the time I had told her that I believe that I meant in a way that I would do anything for her, that she was part of me, but now I wonder if that means that we just do our own thing (which is true). We've never called each other by our real names, like my parents do. My parents have a respect type of marriage, my wife and I have always called each other honey and sweety (she is sweety). I'm rambling, again. 😀
