Androgynees and Pronouns - He or She Preference

[sd]

Thanks!  Rather she than he.  I'm starting to wonder about the whole androgyne thing because I like appearing as a female, and more often than not I pass somehow as female.  So, maybe I'm just trans 

It could be that you just prefer a female body or maybe at this time of your life it works for you.
As long as you are comfortable, and that seems to be the case, enjoy it, it will work itself out in time.

[Jaimey]

"she" because if someone saw me and said "he", I would wonder about their eyesight.  I might want to look androgynous, but in reality, I look female. 

When I use pronouns, I generally go with the one that matches the person's physical sex unless I know they prefer otherwise.  But that goes back to being pregendered.  As far as I knew (growing up), you're gender was defined by your sex.  I didn't know there was a difference between boys and girls other than our bodies.  I thought (and really, I still feel like it should be this way even though I know it isn't) that all people are exactly the same, regardless of sex.  So if I use the wrong one, don't be upset with me. 


I might be slightly offended if someone calls me "ma'am" though...(makes me want to say, "just how old do you think I am?")

[buttercup]

Definitely 'she', and definitely not 'it'!!! 

Never have been called 'it' myself, but a friend recounted a story told her by a colleague at work who discussed seeing a transwoman at the local pub and called her an 'it'!!!  Bad Form!!! 

[sd]

Definitely 'she', and definitely not 'it'!!! 

Never have been called 'it' myself, but a friend recounted a story told her by a colleague at work who discussed seeing a transwoman at the local pub and called her an 'it'!!!  Bad Form!!! 

In their defense, many people just do not know, they have little clue about what our world is like. Most probably don't want to know.
In their eyes, there is only male and female, anything else is an "it" because it's an unknown.

I will admit, they still could have handled it better.

[Simone Louise]

Sometimes, on the phone or when seen from the back, I am addressed as a woman. These days, I beam when that happens. When I was young, it scared me, and was one of the reasons I grew a beard. I would be surprised if anyone, seeing my full beard addressed me other than 'he', regardless of who I am within.

One advance on the androgynous front is that my teen-aged, college-accepted daughter has changed her mind about my red shoes, and thinks, now, I should bring them to Orlando next week. Orlando? My wife and I will be married 20 years the first day of Spring, and three daughters, one son-in-law, and three grandchildren will meet theree to enjoy being together in the parks, um Gottes willen.

The problem is the finestride I've been taking to grow breasts and shrink the prostate hasn't been working fast enough, so my kidney function has been impaired. Thursday, they catheterized me, which makes me painfully aware of my male appendage and severely cramps my style. I hope the doctors decide to remove the catheter soon, and, if they decide to operate, can let me go to Orlando intact. Nero, emperor and master questioner, I need some of your courage. And happy birthday Zythyra, you youngster!

Simone

[Shana A]

The problem is the finestride I've been taking to grow breasts and shrink the prostate hasn't been working fast enough, so my kidney function has been impaired. Thursday, they catheterized me, which makes me painfully aware of my male appendage and severely cramps my style. I hope the doctors decide to remove the catheter soon, and, if they decide to operate, can let me go to Orlando intact. Nero, emperor and master questioner, I need some of your courage. And happy birthday Zythyra, you youngster!

Simone

Thanks for the birthday wishes Simone! I hope they remove the catheter soon, that sounds painful!

Z

[Simone Louise]

One of my grandaughters asked her mother how old she'll be on her next birthday. Her mother said four, and held up four fingers. "I don't think so." she said. "That's too many!"

Simone

[Shana A]

One of my grandaughters asked her mother how old she'll be on her next birthday. Her mother said four, and held up four fingers. "I don't think so." she said. "That's too many!"

Simone

LOL, that's great!    OTOH, regarding getting older, my dad says it beats the alternative... 

Z

[Seshatneferw]

Simone: ouch. I hope it gets better sooner rather than later.
On a lighter note, congratulations on the upcoming wedding anniversary.

  Nfr

[polymorph]

i don't really have a preference. Usually i get called he, although lately i get a fair bit of she mixed in.

[Simone Louise]

OTOH, regarding getting older, my dad says it beats the alternative... 

Z

Amen to that.

Simone: ouch. I hope it gets better sooner rather than later.
On a lighter note, congratulations on the upcoming wedding anniversary.

  Nfr

Thanks for the congrats, and yes I'm hurting, but I have to keep things in perspective.

The youngest daughter has been battling chronic daily migraines for 7 years, and they've gotten worse this her senior high school year. She's applied to 8 good colleges, and heard back from 3 so far--all 3 acceptances. But the high school may not let her graduate because she's missed so much time. Lately, she's had thoughts of suicide, so her therapist recommended a three-week sick leave.

My wife had her car totaled in a seven-car pileup in December (she was an innocent bystander caught by another driver's road rage). She was in the hospital 3 days, still has daily pain and goes for regular physical therapy. And that's just my house. Reading these boards, my heart aches for all the pain our friends write of.

Fortunately, I caught part of a Prairie Home Companion's joke show yesterday. A sample: The thieves who stole a Van Gogh painting from the museum were quickly nabbed in their VW bus, because they didn't have enough Monet to buy gas to make the Van Gogh.

Oh, and if you liked the story about the granddaughter, when the youngest daughter was that age, she finished her nightly prayers saying: "God is two." After her mother corrected her, the daughter said, "But I had a birthday; God must have had one, too."

Thankful for androgyne humor,
Simone

[Kir]

I don't really care what people call me. Pronouns are just words, and completely meaningless to me. Rarely does the speaker attach meaning to a pronoun. Although on rare occasions someone DOES attach meaning to a pronoun, and it is usually in a rude way, and I dislike that (such as pointedly calling someone a he when they are wearing a dress, or pointedly when looking masculine). Sometimes however, someone will attach meaning to a pronoun in a way I like (when I hold a door for someone like a nice gentleman and they comment on it, or when someone uses a female pronoun when mentioning my hair or style). I also like when someone uses a gender neutral pronoun because it shows they are being respectful (but I don't expect people to always be respectful).

I don't like "Sir" but that's because I don't like stuffy things, has nothing to do with gender (although it sometimes does entertain me if I am looking very disheveled and get called sir, because it is just so way off). Most often I am called my male pronouns, which is fine, it's convenient. It makes me smile whenever someone calls me a she. Ma'am is too stuffy, but it still gets a smile. On the rare occasion I hear a gender neutral, I'll give them a nod of approval.

I REALLY love when someone calls me a female pronoun from behind, and when I turn around they quickly correct themselves with a male pronoun, because that is EXACTLY what I am going for: both. You have no idea how often my wife and I are confused for being two lesbians when viewed from behind. On the net I get called an even mix of pronouns (although probably more female than male, most of the male pronouns come from people that are convinced that females don't play video games, even though my wifes character is usually standing right next to mine).

I personally try and call everyone 'they'. It is gender neutral, even though it isn't exactly proper grammer. Often times I will type out she/he. On rare occasions I'll think to use an actual gender neutral pronoun, but that tends to confuse folks.

I do however, call EVERYONE dude. I do not mean it as a gender based pronoun. Everyone is a dude. My mom is a dude. Just pretend I'm a surfer and it's all fine.

[Jaimey]

I hope things get better for you all soon, Simone!!!   

I personally try and call everyone 'they'. It is gender neutral, even though it isn't exactly proper grammer.

I do however, call EVERYONE dude. I do not mean it as a gender based pronoun. Everyone is a dude. My mom is a dude. Just pretend I'm a surfer and it's all fine.

I think I read somewhere that "they" used to be proper grammar (instead of using "he or she" or "one"), but when they started printing text books, only boys went to school, so they always used "he".    Wish I knew where I read that...

I knew a guy who called everyone "son".  Male, female, it didn't matter.  We were all "son".    Personally, I call everyone "hon" or "dear" or "sweetheart"...but I'm southern. 

[Simone Louise]

I hope things get better for you all soon, Simone!!!   

Thank you, Jaimey, dear. I got some answers today. My urologist has scheduled me for an operation next Thursday (20 March--a 20th anniversary present to my wife?), then a night or two in the hospital, some recovery time, and then, he says I should be good for another 68 years. My wife points out the cardiologist only said I was good for another 30. In the meantime, we'll be celebrating the forthcoming anniversary with kids and grandkids in Orlando this weekend.

I won't be posting from the hospital, but I will be back as soon as I am able, ready to continue the journey to--where are we going?

When her folks sent my 8-year-old grandmother north for schooling, they taught her a poem containing the lines: "Isabelle Adams is my name; Darien, Georgia is my station." And one of my daughters lives in northern Georgia and teaches in Chattanooga. That's the extent of my Southern connection. But it's a pleasure to follow your postings.

Simone

[sd]

Get well soon Simone.

[Seshatneferw]

I think I read somewhere that "they" used to be proper grammar (instead of using "he or she" or "one"), but when they started printing text books, only boys went to school, so they always used "he".    Wish I knew where I read that...

The Oxford English Dictionary describes this gender-neutral third person singular use of they like it was still happening ('often used...', not 'formerly'). Their examples date from 1526 through 1874, but that doesn't necessarily mean much -- the most recent example for the third person plural meaning is from 1909. In other words, I'd say it has been 'proper grammar' for the entire Modern English era, and still is.

  Nfr

[Shana A]

Singular they is still correct usage, however most people look at us funny when we use it. (No, I'm not talking of myself in plural, my partner also uses pronoun they )

Z

[Jaimey]

Singular they is still correct usage, however most people look at us funny when we use it. (No, I'm not talking of myself in plural, my partner also uses pronoun they )

Z

I've always used singular "they".  It's hard being right all the time...(just kidding )


We'll be thinking about you, Simone!  Get well soon!!

[RebeccaFog]

Yeah, get well, Simone, or we'll find you and rough you up.     





Rebis  -  the evil androgyne

[tekla]

Just don't call me late for dinner and everyone will get out of this alive.