I found this book and thought I'd share. I found this part in the book that is gonna cause me to a lot of soul searching. I have very little experience because I am ashamed of my penis and don't want people to touch it. I don't know how to over come my fear. I
Yet many women refuse to have sex until after the surgery. What are they afraid of? That as long as they have it, they are a man? Women are born, not created. And some of us are born with a penis. Others can't stand to use their penis during the act of sex. What are they afraid of? That if they allow a man (or woman, remember) to touch it, that they are a man? Well, a fine line here, but a line just the same. But having a penis, and using it during sex is a reality that we all go through. To a Sister, it is who and what we are, a woman born with a penis, and nothing more. There is no shame in having sex prior to surgery, or allowing it to be used during sex, and we can still feel like the women we were born to be while on our hands and knees and the damned thing flops back and forth during the act.
I feel like a woman trapped in this man's body. I can wear regular type women's clothes not being ultra fem. In fact I prefer jeans over dresses. In fact I am in the process of getting rid of all my male jeans and tennis shoes. I already have done so with my underwear. I didn't dress over 4 years since the last time I tried transitioning. I got involved back in a deep drug addiction and used to try to forget about my fem desires. But I still thought about it everyday. When I started and still trying to stay sober I finally had to buy some clothes ,make up , shoes, wig etc. When I was buying them I was shaking with excitement and even had tears of joy. No more shame.
I have come out to many friends and even started wearing women's jeans panties and tennis shoes when in male mode. I don't know if total transition is right for me but I must express my fem side or I feel incomplete. But I hope this post helps someone or someone can give me some insight because I open.
Thanks Kimberly
I found a therapists but I have to wait til my money is their which won't be much longer.