so ... lost

[Judge Yourself]

blah... where to start

basically i feel like my life has just stopped right now. i have an appoinment to see my psych in april... she says id be ready for T in march and would give her approval...BUT she wants to wait til my examsd are over... which is may... june time

and im not coping as is, oestrogent is driving me up the wall, im constantly being called miss and she and darlin' and being whistled at by the construction workers in my college..

and she doesnt realise this, my exams will be over by late april but i dont want to wait, i really cant wait..

i dont know how much/how little to say

i dont think im coping.. so is that bad.. ? but im getting up every day and binding my chest at 6am 5 days a week to go to college and work.. so is that coping?

the thing with the NHS is they have your life in thier hands... and i dont know what to say or whaty not to say... i dont mean shoulds i lie.. i just mean how much should i say..

its soul destroying.. i just had some guy doing a delivery who called up and went 'mrs x is it?' then when arrived when 'alright darlin' there you go'

half the time i just want to die

i really dont feel like i can do anything till i get t, shes worried about my concentration but i cant concentrate as it is already

[Sarah Louise]

I understand your feelings.  It is hard to concentrate when you have these issues.

Unfortunately your right, you are at their mercy.  If you lie, the lies will catch up to you and could hold you back even more.  All you can do it to be as honest as possible and hope they will understand the situation your in.

Good luck.

Sarah L.

[J.T.]

i know what you mean dude... until i start T it feels like my life is stuck.  it sucks.  really sucks.

The NHS thing, didn't you start in May/June?  They gotta follow the requirements, its a year of therapy before hormones, right?  You're so close, dude.  Look at these past nine/ten months.  Almost a snap of the finger.

Tell her how you're doing, about the soul destroying.  That your life is stuck.  That if you spend much longer in your current body that you don't think you can make it.

hope i helped a bit.  i feel for you.

take care, email/pm me if you need to.  i'm always here.

[Jay]

There is no guidelines for the NHS to follow for when you get hormones surgery etc. The doctor who perscribes them has to make sure when you are actually ready. The NHS hasn't been to bad in my case. 

[cluelessparent]

I hope that things are lookin' up for you Judge.

College exams are stressful enuff under good circumstances. Calm down and try to focus on them & get 'em done right.  By then your wait will be up.

I can understand not being thrilled at attn from the construction guys, but be pleased that you're attractive and noticed. You will be a good lookin' guy too.
You're a young man, friend. Try to be patient as best as you can. A couple months is not bad in the grand scheme

You have my best wishes
clueless

[ConfusedMichelle]

Hey, I'm Brady.
Cheer up, dude.  Look at me, I'm not even close to starting T.  Hell, I may not ever.  However, I can finally say I'm doing alright.  My boyfriend is absolutely wonderful.  Although he is gay, he accepts me for what I am and says no matter how girly I would ever be, I'm his Brady Bear forever and he will always be the "girl" in our relationship 

I used to feel so trapped and depressed like you, but my boyfriend helped me realize something.  Just because you may not completely pass doesn't mean it should tear you up inside.  All that matters is that YOU know who you are on the inside.  Plus, it helps if your closest friends, family, girlfriend, boyfriend, etc. knows who you are too.  As long as the people you care about treat you the way you should be treated, other people shouldn't matter.

I know that passing is a very big deal.  Maybe I was just blessed with good people in my life, but I really hope I helped.  Just believe in yourself and KNOW that one day it will all be worth it and every thing will work out.

By the way, I can't get through this post without saying that you are a cutie.

[Judge Yourself]

first of all thanks for all the replies, it means a lot to be listened to when i feel like im going mad, truly

i know what you mean dude... until i start T it feels like my life is stuck.  it sucks.  really sucks.

The NHS thing, didn't you start in May/June?  They gotta follow the requirements, its a year of therapy before hormones, right?  You're so close, dude.  Look at these past nine/ten months.  Almost a snap of the finger.

Tell her how you're doing, about the soul destroying.  That your life is stuck.  That if you spend much longer in your current body that you don't think you can make it.

hope i helped a bit.  i feel for you.

take care, email/pm me if you need to.  i'm always here.

yeah dude, just finding it really hard, its like... been since march so i've done my year as far as they are concerned its just cause of this exam thing, but tbh im screwing up my exams thinking about all this....

ive to go on the 8th april so im just going to be as honest as i can, really hate that my life is in her hands

I understand your feelings.  It is hard to concentrate when you have these issues.

Unfortunately your right, you are at their mercy.  If you lie, the lies will catch up to you and could hold you back even more.  All you can do it to be as honest as possible and hope they will understand the situation your in.

Good luck.

Sarah L.

unfortunately i know youre right, that if i lie then who knows.. im just going to be as honest as i can .. its the guidelines though, ie none... lol that make me more anxious than anything

There is no guidelines for the NHS to follow for when you get hormones surgery etc. The doctor who perscribes them has to make sure when you are actually ready. The NHS hasn't been to bad in my case. 

hey dude thanks for the reply, how long did you need to wait ?

I hope that things are lookin' up for you Judge.

College exams are stressful enuff under good circumstances. Calm down and try to focus on them & get 'em done right.  By then your wait will be up.

I can understand not being thrilled at attn from the construction guys, but be pleased that you're attractive and noticed. You will be a good lookin' guy too.
You're a young man, friend. Try to be patient as best as you can. A couple months is not bad in the grand scheme

You have my best wishes
clueless

heh, thanks for the concern - well i dragged myself into college even though i really havent been wanting to - still fighting away, thats what its all about right? heh well i am kind of feminine looking .. must get round to putting up a photo but i guess youre right, i hope i look decent enough even just to pass. its more like i pass 80% of the time till i speak then im like.. i cant be like *squeak* 'im a guy though!' i feel id just be proving their point right (in their eyes)

btw sweet dog

Hey, I'm Brady.
Cheer up, dude.  Look at me, I'm not even close to starting T.  Hell, I may not ever.  However, I can finally say I'm doing alright.  My boyfriend is absolutely wonderful.  Although he is gay, he accepts me for what I am and says no matter how girly I would ever be, I'm his Brady Bear forever and he will always be the "girl" in our relationship 

I used to feel so trapped and depressed like you, but my boyfriend helped me realize something.  Just because you may not completely pass doesn't mean it should tear you up inside.  All that matters is that YOU know who you are on the inside.  Plus, it helps if your closest friends, family, girlfriend, boyfriend, etc. knows who you are too.  As long as the people you care about treat you the way you should be treated, other people shouldn't matter.

I know that passing is a very big deal.  Maybe I was just blessed with good people in my life, but I really hope I helped.  Just believe in yourself and KNOW that one day it will all be worth it and every thing will work out.

By the way, I can't get through this post without saying that you are a cutie.

hey brady dude thanks for your reply firstly you look fantastic and your bf is very lucky to have you. you know your stuff, its true that its about who i am.. its just more i guess that i'm not out at college and the peiple im close to i havent really told so its more a case of them 'finding out' i guess i pass 80% but i know who i am... its just when sometimes people come along and thy to pull you off of that little pedastal that it makes me doubt myself.  whats funny is that after freaking out for days.. thinking about getting trashed.. and not doing, i realised im stronger than  i might think i am

and incidentally thank you! dont think ive been called that before lol

[ConfusedMichelle]

Well honey, I hope you are doing better.  As for people trying to put you down, just know that you always have Susans to support you fully including me.

If you ever need to talk, PM me.  I'm a great listener

[Jay]

hey dude thanks for the reply, how long did you need to wait ?

I started Therapy in september had my first appointment with Dr Richard Curtis on the 10th of this month (March) and will be getting my T subscribtion on the 12th of May.

However I live in Norfolk and have been told that there system is much faster than anywhere in the uk. What part do you live?

Jay

[Judge Yourself]

Well honey, I hope you are doing better.  As for people trying to put you down, just know that you always have Susans to support you fully including me.

If you ever need to talk, PM me.  I'm a great listener

thanks dude, ill bear that in mind lol you are truly a sweet guy haha if i can say that and remain manly lol
glad to have you and im sure gonna look you up for a chat

hey dude thanks for the reply, how long did you need to wait ?

I started Therapy in september had my first appointment with Dr Richard Curtis on the 10th of this month (March) and will be getting my T subscribtion on the 12th of May.

However I live in Norfolk and have been told that there system is much faster than anywhere in the uk. What part do you live?

Jay

i started RLT in march, went to sandyford in july and my yr is up in march - she said no hrt until id done a yr living as male or trying to live as male...

glasgow is where i am - i heard it was pretty fast too though ive no idea

i just heard london is appalling...