i came out for the first time in person today

[jaded]

hi everyone how are you all?
i came out for the first time to someone in person today  a close friend he was o.k he said he will always be there for me if i need anything but i dont think he understands he told me what ever happens dont cross over  he said dont let them brainwash you he is a really nice guy i just dont think he gets it a person cant be brainwashed if he/she was born this way
he told me that since  i was 11 years old he knew
i dont think i will ever tell anyone else in person again (not because of his reaction)
i dont thing  i will ever go through with the transition
and the thought of living the rest of my life this way scares the living daylight out of me
thanx for hearing me out ,jaded

[Jennifer72]

I don't want to be nosey, but why is it that you are so scared? I have told all my friends about what I am going through, and they are all supportive. So I understand the fear behind telling people. I can honestly say that I know, I'm in for a hell of a ride. Learning to accept myself is just another loop-de-loop on that ride! Have you considered therapy to sort out your feelings? If there's anything I can do to offer support in any way, just let me know. You can pm, email, IM, myspace me anytime.

Take care Jaded, {{{{{{Hugz}}}}}}

Jennifer

[Dennis]

You don't need to focus on the rest of your life, Jaded. Just deal with how you feel now. If it's difficult, try and get someone to talk to, like a counsellor or something.

And you certainly don't need to transition or to make a decision about transition (yes or no) before you're ready to. You can say, I'm not going to transition now. You don't need to make a commitment for the rest of your life. And don't make commitments to other people about never transitioning; it can cause you needless pain. Just, you're not doing it now. That should be good enough for them and good enough for you.

Dennis

[jaded]

thank you guys so much for the support i dont know any of you personally
but you all mean a whole lot to me

[madison]

Jaded, I agree so much with Dennis.

The easiest way to create stress and anxiety is to worry about a future that may or may not even be real. What you do know is the present moment. You know what you think and feel now and you can work with that. Every journey consists of small steps in between.

And regarding making promises to yourself and others, that gets you nowwhere. By making promises about who you will or won't be only creates the risk of either being forced to break that promise or limiting your existence in such a way that will only make you miserable and depressed. Every human being grows and changes as the move through life, and trying to limit or predict everything only limits your potential.

Know yourself today. Love yourself today. And don't be afraid to ask the tough questions. I believe it was Socrates who said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." So examine and then use that information as a postive tool to move into the next day.

Be strong and be yourself.

Find your day well.

[camio]

Jaded...
   I know what it feels like to think about the rest of your life not knowing what to do or who to be.  Even though I have only come out to a few people they are very supportive of me.  Eventually I will be out to everyone in my family. I am pretty much living as a man full time except when I go to family functions..Its hard but just know that we are all here for you. If you need anything just let me know I know what your going through and it helps to have someone to talk to.  Camio

[Chaunte]

Jaded,

Coming out to yourself, let alone friends and family, is scary!  Suddenly your whole world no longer makes sence.  Trying to sort everything out on your own is a monumental task.  Please believe us when we say therapy is a good thing!

I started therapy back in September '05 and I could barely say the word transgender or transexual.  Today, it's no big deal talking about who and what I am.  Now, because of therapy, I feel ready to come out to my wife.

One of the great things about Susans is that we have all been in your shoes.  You have lots of sisters and brothers here who can hold your hand as you venture on this journey of discovery.

You can do this.  We have faith in you.

Chaunte

[jaded]

thanx you guys and girls to be politically correct:)
chaunte what you wrote about coming out to yourself is so applicable to me right now because i know deep inside who i am and i have told all of you how i feel .but when i told this close friend  he said to me maybe there is a way to change your psyche to match your body instead of changing you body to match your psyche . i know that  does not work i dont want it to i just want to be a man .
but i have to say it got me thinking maybe it just a faze (that lasted my whole life)maybe i can live like this i still cant get  trough to the therapist  i  am going to try to find another one

jaded

[Chaunte]

thanx you guys and girls to be politically correct:)
chaunte what you wrote about coming out to yourself is so applicable to me right now because i know deep inside who i am and i have told all of you how i feel .but when i told this close friend  he said to me maybe there is a way to change your psyche to match your body instead of changing you body to match your psyche . i know that  does not work i dont want it to i just want to be a man .
but i have to say it got me thinking maybe it just a faze (that lasted my whole life)maybe i can live like this i still cant get  trough to the therapist  i  am going to try to find another one

jaded

Jaded,

"Just a phase..."  I said that to myself for 40 years before I could start to accept the woman I am inside!  Talk about a Dr. Jeckyll and Ms. Hyde!      Talk about being a late bloomer! lol!

If I might offer a suggestion, why not have your physician make the appointment for you?  This would give you the medical referal your health-insurance provider needs to reduce the cost of your therapy sessions.  If you haven't come out to your doctor yet, now is the time.  I know my physician did a slight double-take when I told her.  (Yes, I have a female physician.)  However, she offered to do the call and set up the initial meeting.

My expereince to date is that my women friends are MUCH more accepting than my male friends.  In fact, based on reactions to me being me for Halloween a few years ago, I have not come out to any of my male friends yet.


Peace,

Chaunte

Remember, the longest journey starts with but a single step.

[Mario]

Jaded,

     Remember to always be true to yourself.  Whatever it is that you feel you are inside is who you are.  No one can change that, not even you.  Don't live your life as something you feel you're not just to please others.  I have first hand experience on that.  Just be who you are.

                                        Marco

[jaded]

your funny Chaunte and thank you marco i cant tell my pysician he is a very ole fassion kind of guy

[taylor]

Jaded,

You know transitional people are not alone with this whole situation of fearing letting people down. There are people that pick their careers, who they married, what religion they were members of, and so much more, all based on families that decided for them. Or place inappropriate expectations on them,  That fear of stepping up and saying,, "no this is not me, this is me" be it issues of indentity or otherwise.

Maybe you know some people in your family or circle of friends that chose to step out of the boundaries of what was "expected" of them, and you may be able to ask them questions on how they got through it and why the decided to make the choices they made. You can do this without even disclosing your own personal struggle. They would probably feel good that someone asked them about their feelings, and they can tell you about their experience.

We are all human and struggle with the same emotions/feelings in life, just that are specifics may be different, but all people can relate. Maybe talking to someone you know that stepped out, would be helpful to you.  Just a thought that may be able to allow you find someone you already know that you could listen to , and share "feelings" not specifics, for support.

Peace,

Taylor