Help - my husband is crossdressing more and more...

[mrst]

THANK YOU AUTUMN....  you are soooo in tune with what he is going through.  I would like to discuss this with you, but I don't know how to PM on this particular sight.   

??  Let me know how I can

MrsT

PS - thanks Kristinrichann... you're close and your input is valuable.

[NicholeW.]

Hi, mrst.

You can PM after posting 15 times.

N~

[mrst]

Autumn,

As I read your story again, I thought it could have been my husband responding, but for the fact that he is of French Canadian origin with little exposure to formal English education, i.e., your spelling and grammar are far superior to his.  That having been said - everything you wrote hit home... the early "forced" issue, the fact that he has been wanting to buy a strapon since we first met, etc. 

Is there some way we can discuss this??

Thanks,

MrsT

Posted on: April 08, 2008, 07:16:54 PMKristin.....

As for counselling, I was able to procure an session with one of the best psychiatrists in the country dealing with anger, substance abuse, etc. and at the time we didn't address the CD issue - stupid me... I didn't realize that is the one of the foundation/building blocks of his issues !!!!  Because my husband came out of that diagnoses as "not psychotic, and generally another factor of (drone) today's socio-psychological norm" - I didn't pursue it any further.

That having been said, I also didn't realize that his anger/resentment/angst stemmed from gender confusion.

In summary, while we have sought counselling, apparently unbeknownst to me, it was for the wrong reasons.  However, the anger and substance abuse may have arisen as a result of his gender issues..... who really knows???

[Autumn]

You can email me at lurkflower /\-|- yahoo until you're able to use the PMs here. I never check the account normally. And I hope I can help further (edit: hurray, a spider saw this and sent me spam for a ->-bleeped-<- pickup site.)

And yes, gender issues lead people down a road full of abuses. Either abusive relationships, abusive behavior, or substance abuses. When you can't love yourself, you love nothing else. Everything is an attempt at escape, or anger because you can't do anything about it.

[Dawn Labelle]

Salut MrsT

I'm also in Montreal, and I've found a couple resources here in the city. Check out www.atq1980.org which is connected to Cactus Montreal (run by UQAM), its more for transitioners / transsexuals but cd'ers are welcome as well and it can be a great source of support. Their site also has links to a cd'er only group as well as others.

Take care and drop me a line if you like,
Dawn

[mrst]

Thanks for the information.  Any help is very much appreciated.... I think without some kind of outside assistance this relationship will eventually self-destruct, as will my husband.  Hopefully, once he truly realizes how earnest I am in making this work and helping him out, he will not feel so ashamed of being a CD.

[Ell]

Thanks for the information.  Any help is very much appreciated.... I think without some kind of outside assistance this relationship will eventually self-destruct, as will my husband.  Hopefully, once he truly realizes how earnest I am in making this work and helping him out, he will not feel so ashamed of being a CD.

mrst,
as you can see from the some of the responses here, just because a person has this, um, condition, doesn't mean they can't be extremely thoughtful, brave, and, at times, truly wise. i am extremely proud to know so many of the people on this site. and it's not just one or two. if i had to make a list of them, it would honestly be very long, indeed.

likewise, what your husband stands to lose physically may provide huge dividends in personality. Sanity is at the core of everything here. it is what your husband is seeking. i hope so much that you can help him find it. but you must insist that he helps maintain yours, in the process.

-Ellie

ps.
and, please forgive me, but, um, is your husband Mr. T.?
-L

[mrst]

Well thank you Ellie for your kind words.  He Mr.T. is a fantastic, loving, caring and giving person when not consumed with the conflict of his crossdressing.

[TheBattler]

Well thank you Ellie for your kind words.  He Mr.T. is a fantastic, loving, caring and giving person when not consumed with the conflict of his crossdressing.

mrst,

I  like the phrase "consumed with the conflict." I have been there and it is indeed such a hard place to be. I like how you are taking some time to learn about this - I am sure he is proud to have you with him.

Alice

[mrst]

Thanks Autumn - I sent you an email, apparently I am not permitted to PM yet.

Posted on: April 10, 2008, 06:07:54 PMThank you Alice... if he wasn't such a great person, I wouldn't bother.  However, I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him..... it just has to work for both of us

[Autumn]

Read and replied at length. My apologies for the rambling nature of it, there's way too many concepts and branching points to keep track of it without spending forever on it - i think that took close to 2 hours.

Mrs. T seems like a divine woman who any of us would be blessed to be married to.

[mrst]

Autumn, you really opened my eyes to a lot of how he must be feeling inside.  Now, if only I could get him to talk !!

[Autumn]

It's hard. Even if you ask the right questions he may just be terrified to answer. The reason I suggested the ->-bleeped-<- erotica earlier is because there are a lot of stories which are basically the author pouring their gender identity out of their heart for all to read and revealing how she wishes someone would rescue her. These are the touching ones when the wife gives him some clothes, or hugs him and says she knows, and offers to do his makeup, affectionately calls him by female terms, and so forth.

It's really like coaxing a wild animal into shelter at first.

It gets easier each time. The first is unbearable.

My inbox is always open. My heart truly goes out to you as someone who's on the other side of the table, I know that it's a horrible place to be put into. Particularly since wanting to help more than anything in the world isn't enough.

[mrst]

Hey - breakthrough!!  We actually talked about it, albeit briefly, ...... there is some hope

[Autumn]

Hey - breakthrough!!  We actually talked about it, albeit briefly, ...... there is some hope

How awesome and exciting :>

[kristinrichann]

congrats
now get him/her to open up to a theripest they wont think hes crazy they understand the prolbems maby you two will learn to be the best of friends in time it can happen but warning the roller coster ride is just starting it will have the ups and downs
take care ya all
kristin
and PS the best of luck to the both of you

[Ms Jessica]

I hope I'm not jumping in the middle of anything-- I started out as a crossdresser, and have sort of moved on from there.  I never really talked much about it with my wife at all until I became more comfortable with it.  Part of what kept me from discussing it with my wife even was my internalized guilt and discomfort with who I was. 
Not sure if this is part of Mr. T's issue, but it's certainly possible.  Many crossdressers (or at least myself) grew up with an immense sense of shame for being CD. Overcoming that is not easy. 
My wife had been seeing a psychiatrist a few years for anxiety related issues, and suggested I talk to her doctor about my CD issues.  I saw him once, and just couldn't broach the subject.  Almost three years later, and I've worked through enough of my own personal issues independently and now I want to see a gender therapist. 
Might just take some time to work through. 

[mrst]

Well things are progressing.  We did talk this weekend about what he feels when he dresses.  At first he said that he "just likes it, because it makes him feel good - no more than that".  Then after a couple of hours, he said that all the women he was with liked it, because it was like being with another. 

We  have talked about which is more sensual - watching two women  together, or two men - and we both agree two women is far more beautiful to watch.

I told him for me, it is not like being with another woman, it's like being with a man dressed up as a woman.  In other words it doesn't turn me on sexually AT ALL,  but what does turn me on is watching how excited he becomes.

We had a really good weekend, both in bed and out....    and I painted his toenails

[tekla]

There are all sorts of balance points, and I hope you can find them.  Given everything in life, its not a big deal.

[Autumn]

We had a really good weekend, both in bed and out....    and I painted his toenails

Awwwwwwww.... :>

Envious. Glad things are progressing well. You really are a wonderful person for trying so hard to probe the issue.