do you blame your parents?

[christy-lee]

ok this might seem umm wierd or complicated or hard to understand but im having trouble wording it

i was wondering, do you blame your parents for you being the sex that your not for instance your female do you blame your parents for you being born that way instead of being a male? in my case visa versa

i do sometimes when im feelin abit down i think its my mum's fault that i was born a male and not female but im able to fight it off and say she cant choose my sex and im not mad at her anymore but i still think this occaisonally

[Sandi]

I fail to see any logic in the question. Although some slight influence may be had over the sex of a child there is absolutely no control over the gender, or sexual orientation.

So no, I cannot wrap my mind around why anyone would want to put the blame on their parents.

[Gabrielle]

I blame my parents for not seeking help when I started to cross-dress and help me find answers.  They basically put it under the rug so that anyone outside the family would not know about it.

[christy-lee]

I fail to see any logic in the question. Although some slight influence may be had over the sex of a child there is absolutely no control over the gender, or sexual orientation.

So no, I cannot wrap my mind around why anyone would want to put the blame on their parents.

sorry i know its jouvanial but i sometimes do its just when i find it hard to control sometimes

and then i fight it off, its just for like a brief moment in time that i do this which i hate myself for

[Dersi]

I blame my family for not helped me when it was sooo obvious and they KNEW. T_T

[Melissa]

I don't blame my parents as the cause of me being transsexual.  But I do blame them for not being accepting people and rejecting me once I told them.

Melissa

[Kate]

i was wondering, do you blame your parents for you being the sex that your not...

I don't blame them for my actual physical sex (male), but I know my parents desperately wanted a girl, and I sometimes wonder if that somehow influenced my development. I doubt it, but it is a noteworthy coincidence. Everyone wants to please their parents after all.

They also tell me that I was constantly mistaken (well, you know what I mean) for a girl as a baby. So I dunno, but it all starts to add up: my parents wanted a girl so badly, and everyone seemed to assume that they DID have a girl, so... what's a newborn to think?

EDIT: Oh, and as with Melissa, I blame them for not being open and accepting enough that I could have told them about all this as a child. Heck, I'm 41.9 and STILL haven't told them for fear of their reaction.

[stephanie_craxford]

A very timely topic.

My Mom is over from England visiting and getting to know me (her new daughter - her words) We had a great conversation last night and we started to discuss how she thought that may be is was her fault that I was the way that I am because of something she did or didn't do, raising me a child.

Of course I told her that she had nothing to do with the fact that I was TS, and to get that thought right out of her head, there was nothing she could have done to prevent it, or stop it.  She felt much better afterwards.  I could never blame her or any of my family for not accepting me, you can't change people.  Sure my life was probably not the greatest, we moved around a lot, I wasn't happy in school etc... but that has or had nothing to do with my being a TS.

It's the same with my daughter, she has not accepted me, and I haven't seen her since December 2005, but do I blame her, heck no, she had nothing to do with my transition, this was something that I did, so like my mom there is absolutely no way that I hold anyone responsible or blame for the way I am.

I'm me and that's it, take me or leave me.  (Gill commented that she wish some one would "take" me and "Leave me)    She's soooo funny.

Steph

[NightAngel]

take me or leave me

I'll take you! 



No I don't blame my parents about being TS, it's not their fault.

* *

Michelle

[Annie Social]

I think being able to blame someone requires that they had some choice in their actions. I mean, my father is in a sense responsible for me being born male (that Y chromosome had to come from somewhere), but somehow I doubt that he made a conscious decision about which gene to give me!

Similarly, I can't blame my parents for raising me in an atmosphere in which I quickly learned to hide my feelings; that was the way the world was (and unfortunately still is to a large extent), and they believed they were doing what was right.

They both died when I was very young, so I don't know if they would have accepted me; I can only hope that they would have.

Annie

[stephanie_craxford]

They both died when I was very young, so I don't know if they would have accepted me; I can only hope that they would have.

Annie

No hope about it Annie, from what I have seen from you here at Susan's there is no doubt that you would have been accepted by them, it would have been impossible for them not to.

Steph

[Annie Social]

No hope about it Annie, from what I have seen from you here at Susan's there is no doubt that you would have been accepted by them, it would have been impossible for them not to.

Thank you for saying so! I really do believe they would have; both were always on the side of the underdog, of anyone on the edge of society. I remember we rented our garage apartment to a gay man for several years; they knew he was gay, and didn't care. And this was in the mid sixties, when that was unheard of, especially in the middle middle class.

I really feel that, wherever they are now, they're happy because I am finally happy.

Annie

[Salome]

I blame my father for always asking if I was gay constantly whenever I even had  anything slightly feminen about me, though he said he would accept it, his criticism never did help with anything. If I even opened up to him about it he would spread word like fire saying how Im gay and want to be a woman. but thats why I never admited anything to him unfortunately, ah well he always was a butthead about anything non typical

[carol_w]

I suffered with depression a lot as a teen-ager, and I've now come to believe that it was the beginnings of TS showing.  I think if they had insisted on me seeing a psychologist at that point, all of the feminine feelings that I bottled up would have come out, instead of waiting 'til 35 years later.

I don't know if I would have been strong enough to have transitioned in the 70's, but I now hugely regret having lived a big slug of my life with the inner frustration that I've felt. 

Carol

[Melissa]

I blame my father for always asking if I was gay constantly whenever I even had  anything slightly feminen about me, though he said he would accept it, his criticism never did help with anything. If I even opened up to him about it he would spread word like fire saying how Im gay and want to be a woman. but thats why I never admited anything to him unfortunately, ah well he always was a butthead about anything non typical

I bet if you did tell him that, he would be too embarrassed to actually spread it around, but then again, I don't know him.

Melissa

[Louise]

I don't blame my parents for anything, and I pray that my children do not blame me and my wife either.

[Salome]

I bet if you did tell him that, he would be too embarrassed to actually spread it around, but then again, I don't know him.

Melissa

Yeah he can be nuts sometimes but I dont blame him 100% since how he was raised up as a kid but still I think it may be a contributing factor to some things that ended up eventually in my life, namely staying to myself and not being open 

[Debtv]

Louise said:
"I don't blame my parents for anything, and I pray that my children do not blame me and my wife either."

LOL I totaly agree...my parents did not make me tg....but, how they have delt with it has affected me.

My dad is in denial my mom is accepting....kinda. They both have drawn away from me....they say they are accepting but cannot see me enfemm....which I am 90 percent....what a bummer. So now my family is mad at me for not doing my man-mode enough! All well.

Love
Deb

[stephanie_craxford]

This is a little off the origional topic of "Blaming parents for the sex you are etc..."  However...

I feel in a lot of cases it is unfair to place any blame on the parents.  We ourselves didn't/don't know what we were, why we are, and who we are, and we're the ones with the information.   Daily here at Susan's, trans members are asking these same questions of us, so how could we possibly expect our parents to know.  It may be a good idea to start a Parents of Trans Children Forum here, a place where they could seek advice, and although I haven't checked I suspect that there are links in our links section to outside sites that deal with this.  But I ramble

How realistic is it to expect parents to realise these issues and then parent accordingly.  Not very.  As parents we try our best with the knowledge, back ground, and our own up-bringing, but we didn't get a course on any of this, we just raised our child as best we could, instilling the values, and value system that was important to us.  Right or wrong I know I did my best.

Steph

[gina_taylor]

For the past few years I have been trying to find out who and why I am this way. My mom truely believes that I am this way because of my accident, and I disagree with her. We had a talk about it last night, and she told me that she had sent all my latest reports to my new psychiatrist before we had went to see him, so he'd have a little idea about me before hand. When talking with him, he told us that he probably wouldn't need anything from my previous psychiatrist, if he had anything anyways. But anyway, when me and my mom where talking, she told me that if it my transsexuality was not caused from my accident than it must have been caused from birth, and as far as she can attest, I had a very happy 'male' life for the first ten years, so if I'm trying to place any guilt on her or my father, it won't work. Then she told me hurtfully that my accident was my doing, so I am the only one to blame. 

Right now I don't really care either way, early next year I'm starting my transition. 

Gina