Scared - Coming Out

[foreversarah]

Hi

I'm new here and decided to join as this forum might help me out a bit.

I'm 17 and I really feel I am a girl. I've felt like this for as long as I can remember. But I can't find the courage to come out to my parents. It scares me to say I will do it. I'm thinking will they accept meand all these other questions. Being who I am has made me seriously depressed which has affecting my education. This has raised the alarm that I must come out.

I would love any advice and would be foever greatful if you could help.

Thanks

Sarah

[jenny_]

Hi Sarah

welcome to susan's place! i'm fairly new as well but, its an amazing forum, and everybody's really friendly   

I know how you feel, taking that first step in telling people, is the scariest thing i've ever done, but as you said its making you seriously depressed, and i imagine its also really scary imaging not telling them, and not doing anything about it

what i found was writing a letter to my parents when i told them.  i gave it in person but i still found that it helped having everything i wanted to say all written down.
i don't know if thats any help to you, but hey.

and it's completely normal to be worrying about whether they'll accept you or not, and how they'll react, but they may surprise you and be really supportive.  Even if they don't accept it straight away, they could come round over time after the initial shock.  it took my parents 6 months before they would really acknowledge it, but they're ok with it now.

what are you're parents like? how do you think they'll react to it?

please stick around
*hugs*
jenny

[foreversarah]

Hi

Thanks for your reply Jeny, it's great to know that people accept you.

I've always felt that they treat me 2nd best to my brother, this may be because of the way I am but I've thought about it in a huge amount of detail. I've written myself a letter and it's been saved on my computer for a while now but not printed.

I've thought about telling a counsellor at my college but he wasn't th best so I gave up on that. I keep on telling myself that I should wait until it is the best time to come out, but delaying it is making it worse.

Sarah

[pretty pauline]

Hi Sarah
I know the pain you are going thru, maybe you could sound out your parents out, their reaction could surprise you, sometimes depends on family situation.
I went thru that torment in my early teens and finally when I was 16 I couldn'd take anymore, I came out to my Mam and Dad, their reaction really surprise me, specially my Mam, my Mam was so happy she was finally getting a daughter she always wanted, a week later Mam and Dad told my 3brothers, after that it was all agreed, I would start my transition, I posted about it in another thread, everybody's situation is different, but my only regret, and my Mam's, is I didn't come out sooner, if only, if I had, I would have been reared as a girl from a very young age and not from 16 onwards, anyway thats when I started to live.
((hugs))
pauline

[foreversarah]

Hi

In what sort of situation did you come out to your parents?

I have considered about going to a therapist near my college and discussing it with them and hopefully going from there. But the longer I take the more depressed I am and the less confidence I have.

I have early memories of me playing with dolls and pretending to do the ironing, it was so much fun. My parents brought me action men but I neglected them because I didn't like them.

I am also a very shy person who doesn't get aggrevated easily and I was and still am bullied in school/college for my girly personality.

Sarah

[jenny_]

I came out to my parents during uni, so i wasn't living at home, which made it easier.  But i put it of for as long as i possibly could because i was terrified.  they're just reached a point where i was more terrified about not coming out.

going to a therapist is a good idea, though it can be difficult finding one with any experience of gender issues.  but its still a good idea.

would it be easier talking to you're parents about the bullying cos of your girly personality?  maybe it'd give you some idea of their reaction to coming out, like pauline suggested.

[pretty pauline]

In my situation, I just picked up vibs, when I was very young I always felt rejected by my parents, specially by my Mam, I got scolded a lot, my Mam I think suffered from depression, I was rejected and I suffered from depression, I was the youngest of 4 boys which I believe my Mam didn't want, in a fit of rage when I was 16 my Mam roar at me ''what the hell is wrong with you'' thats when I tolded them.
Mam was like a different person after that, we developed a completely different relationship after that, girl to girl, she tried to make up for lost years, when Mam was happy everybody was happy in the household, she took complete control of my transition which was a small price to pay on my road to feel complete, I was in no hurry to have GRS,but Mam was anxious that I have the surgery for lots of reasons, meeting a nice guy bla bla bla, I had my surgery 10years later, if I didn't become to woman I'v become, I'd be dead now, you'll feel so much better Sarah when you finally come, let us know how it goes.
pauline

[foreversarah]

Hi

That is a brilliant idea!!! Thank you! It's great to have somewhere where you can find help and advice, I hope to keep on writing to this site often, and eventually help others.

I know my parents love me but there is still a resistance to come out, it is such a life changing thing. I did find a few people who do gender issues in my area but unfortuantly I have lost the site.

Also, can I ask, how does it feel being a girl physchologically, and physically. I hate my body, it is too hairy and I have a lot of spots and pubery was one of my worst exeriences. I am glad puberty has been really slow on me though, I have few facial hairs and I am a good height.

Sarah

[Tanya1]

well I'm 17 too and it can be tough with parents. Sometimes you could predict their response by finding out if they "hate" or are against Transgenders, gays, lesbians etc...

I mean that's not really a reason not to tell them because they may later learn to accept. Tolerance in this world is very important which not a lot of people have.


By the way, pretty pauline is very fortunuate to have a mother and family like that. At 16 in some families you'd be ridiculed.

I'm currently in transition and HRT.

Posted on: March 02, 2008, 07:46:18 PM

Also, can I ask, how does it feel being a girl physchologically, and physically. I hate my body, it is too hairy and I have a lot of spots and pubery was one of my worst exeriences. I am glad puberty has been really slow on me though, I have few facial hairs and I am a good height.

Sarah

With HRT, it will be a breath of fresh air if your truly transgender. You will feel something like you've been missing.

I can say that I feel like a kid mentally when I didn't go through puberty. After puberty, IDK, I just got depressed out of nowhere in 6th grade. I didn't know I was transgender at the time but something felt odd. I actaully remember attempting to remove my penis when I was only 11. I didn't have GID too bad, though, but now that I look back I can defiently see some behavior and some cues. I remember the first time I shaved my legs at 11.- LOL I got caught by my mom. I didn't play with dolls or any of that stuff. I did play with action figures though, oddly. But I remember at a young age I didn't really have much in common with boys. I didn't know a lot about video games- although I wanted some games. But I never was interested in sports for some reason. I liked to play sports and such but I never was interested in watching any of it. I also remember trying on some of my mom's shoes and even some of my sister's clothes at like 11-12.

These however are stereotypical hobbies.

I don't know if this has any clue as to if I was perhaps transgender but I used to use female pronouns to refer to myself when I was like 1-2yrs old I believe.

At 15 I started having thoughts in my head to be a girl. I denied it and it came back, then at 16 it came back real strong this time- I then supressed and tried to live a normal life. Till a couple months just before the urge came back and to live as a girl is to the point where I'm becoming really serious about this whole thing.

[Steph]

Hi

I'm new here and decided to join as this forum might help me out a bit.

I'm 17 and I really feel I am a girl. I've felt like this for as long as I can remember. But I can't find the courage to come out to my parents. It scares me to say I will do it. I'm thinking will they accept meand all these other questions. Being who I am has made me seriously depressed which has affecting my education. This has raised the alarm that I must come out.

I would love any advice and would be foever greatful if you could help.

Thanks

Sarah

This journey of ours is probably one of the scariest one could embark on, and the feelings you are experiencing are fairly typical, so happily you are not much different than many of us here.  Coming out to parents can be so difficult, scary and almost paralyzing so taking time to contemplate and plan is really the best way to go.  For while we may have a good idea about how they may react, we can sometimes be tricked, and surprised.

There is no doubt that it takes enormous courage to come out, but you will know inside when the times comes.  You have certainly taken the first step and that is joining together with those here at Susan's who are experiencing the same anxieties you are.  Take advantage of the members here, ask questions, seek advice, and read about others who had to endure what you are now.

Steph

[Maddie Secutura]

I remember coming out to my parents.  I told my dad first.  It was kinda weird for me though.  Everything I had buried had resurfaced and I  was trying to figure it out.  So I told my dad about it little by little.  But he was cool with it.  I also told my mom after I was farther along in "discovery mode."  She was also OK with it.  She did keep asking me, are you sure you're not just gay or just enjoy wearing women's clothes because that's totally OK.  I explained the situation and I think she understands.  Before that I had no idea what my parent's reactions were going to be.  But I'm glad that they are supportive and hopefully yours will be too.

[tekla]

For better or worse, its something you only need to do once.

[foreversarah]

Hi,

I know what you mean. I've never really enjoyed computer games, but when I have I've been pretty rubbish at it.

I've had a semi-experience in coming-out witha friend before but this was over IM and we've never mentioned it face to face.

I've mentioned it to no one pother than this person. I have also experienced people, who are supposed to be my friends, treating me badly and running away which adds to the depression and I end up alone. I believe this is due to who I am. A lot of people seemed to reject me when I began college earlier this year. There was a great girl in my Biology class but then she left, it appeared, for good. I am not close to the grades I am expected to acheive and if I was to transition this would help me a lot.

Sarah

[Tanya1]

^ hey, it happens..

people run away but SO WHAT?!? If they didn't appreciate your company then why in God's name should you appreciate their's?

Remember one thing, the world is CONSTANTLY changing, people come and then they go, nothing is forever, new friends come by and then they become old friends you never see...

Keep your head high and have a postive outlook...

[foreversarah]

Hi,

Depression really hit me yesterday. I couldn't stop thinking about my GI problems. I wish there was a perfect way of coming out.

On the good side of things I saw Raymon Blanc outside his resturaunt in front of a camera, was pretty cool. Doubt he cooked my food though.

Sarah