Feelings about how it is

[angelsgirl]

Hello!

I came on a while after you had left. My name is Kelly and I am Jocelyn's SO.

A warm welcome back! You have some of the most intelligent and well-worded posts I have read.

You have my sympathies regarding the discontinuation of HRT, however, you have my congratulations on your progress after a stroke. 

I agree with you about how a TS can't for any occassion change back.  I've seen what it does to Jocelyn each and every time she has to "undress" to go to work. When we get married we're both going to be wearing a white dress (although she's the one that's more entitled to wear white!  >)

Again, welcome back! I'm sure that you'll be spicing up the post around here!

~Angelsgirl

[Owen]

 HI Terri Gene, 
                     I am realativly new here about two months. I haven't been here all that much. Work has keept me quite busy and I didn't have much time to post.

Welcom back.

love being female
Owen

[Terri-Gene]

hello Anglesgirl and Owen, nice to have you here a Susans.  You have any questions or answers, toss em on the pile.  There are a lot of people out there with answers and even more questions, I haven't noticed either of you before but I'll keep an eye out and give any help I can. 

I know that when you have your job or school going on with everything else things get crowded for time, but please do drop in all you can.  And don't worry about the HRT Angelsgirl, It has done well on me .... I just wanted a little more ..... but i'm fine as I am.  All will be ok for me.

Well, out of patience with the older Avators, back to daily basic .....

Terri

[Dennis]

Well, out of patience with the older Avators, back to daily basic .....

I like it, it's the Terri I know and love. Looks like the fine woman I met in SF when I was doped outta my head on painkillers after surgery

Dennis

[Terri-Gene]

Well Dennis, you know how some of us women are about sneaking up on guys when thier head isn't on straight.  Whew ..... was afraid you'd hit me with a brick for saying you'd probably look great in a dress ..... sneaky I am and being a gentleman you wouldn't want to spoil a ladies whole night.  I'll keep my eyes open though.

Terri

[NightAngel]

Wow your car is almost as old as I am (1967) but he probably look better than me  .
Yes the beauty of the C3 Corvettes is in the shape and power too, I like the sound of the engine she has under the hood.

Back in Nevada I knew all the cops from my earlier position as an officer in the aea and spent a lot of time on the freeways at around 140 mph.  Cops would see me occassionally, but a flash of lights and a pointed finger would always bring me down to legal limits.

lol ... probably they would be have a hard time to stop you at that speed since the Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor goes from 130 - 139 mph  .


Take care,




Michelle

[Terri-Gene]

Yeah Michelle, the NV personalised plates on her was DCVR and she definately had the speed, sound etc.  She would do about 160 when wound out tight.  I had one of the Ford interceptors at one point, but no idea what it would do, I often had to run from Carson City to Mindon and Gov. departmental rules only allowed a 10 mile above speed limit, in emergencies I occassionally broke 100mph, but never took it to the limit, and it had a habit of overheating at over 100mph so I never took it past that.

All the area officers new the car and who it belonged to, and never did anything but make me aware they were watching, I had a lot of fun back in the last centry, It has nothing to do with what I do now though and I no longer find that kind of speed and skill as invigerating as it was. 

These days it's all about just staying alive and keeping my feet out of hot water.  At 55 i'm a little past the recovery portion of an accident compaired to then and the last thing I want is a bunch of horrendous scars all over me, so aside from some occassional street stuff i'm pretty tame in my actions.  More and more I'm becoming an honest woman, and it feels good.

Terri

[Jillieann Rose]

Hi Terry,
Welcome back. I have really missed your commnets even if I didn't completely agree.
And Iso glad that your getting better.

I agree with your statement

What is important between being one or the other is how you feel within yourself and how much that means to you. 
I've been going throught lot of stuff.

But I really don't know what I am. I've tried back down a couple of times, that's is going back to the male side, but it just can stand it. I'm not happy being anyone but Jillieann.  That is when I feel wholed and at peace with myself even if others (family) are upset with me.
But as far as being in any a CD or TS, I really don't know what I am.  All I know is whatever happens Jillieann won't turn back. I'd rather die and I don't plan on doing that for awhile anyway.

Thanks Terri for being around when I first came here. You have helped me allot.
Again welcome back.
Hug 
Jillieann

[taylor]

Hi Terry,

I too do not understand why it is that CDs and TS people are assumed to have anymore in common than what we have in common with all humanity. Now if humanity would realize that all of us do have some things in common, maybe equality/acceptance, of our differences would be easier achieved.

The main drive behind the book that I wrote ( based on 9 yrs of field research through out the US/ not just off the top of my head or from some library somewhere)  is with the idea of getting across to all people our common grounds, that we are all so much more alike than we are different, and when I say we I mean ALL people!


I feel for people that are struggling with their fears , on how to come out, if they should ever dare to, or for that matter what sex status they really may or may not belong to. This has just got to be so very painful. I have felt my share of pain, but I guess for me, I had the grace of really knowing myself. That was a blessing that I cannot say I ever really took for granted.

It is interesting because it is not exactly like there are not "Non-Trans" people that are not lost on who they are, or what they are really about. There are so many people that are robbed of living their true lives, because they also face fears, and hide from themselves. I see it all the time in people I know.  It is heartbreaking when any person goes through that. It is however their journey and I think many of us give our best to support when we can.

It is ashame that division is so insisted upon. We are all so much more alike than we can ever be different. And when we can erase the differences and see human likenesses a lot of people will not need to live in shame. I do believe this will be achieved, just maybe no in my lifetime. However I do believe I get to witness the progress.

This is just my take on things, and I enjoyed reading through this thread!


Peace,

Taylor

[Terri-Gene]

Hello Taylor, you are right, the differences between CD and TS are much deeper then the simularitities, but unless you spend a lot of time with people in both groups all that most people would see is a willingness to dress and act like the opposite sex they were born with.

It is a tale that covers far more then we can really discuss here and it is best we do not, as it causes far to much concern and difficulty in the overall membership.  I do my own part as does everyone else and that is what makes the present and the future, regardless of what we say.

I see my physical and sexual dissimularities as being totally private options that are just me, and have little or no need to somehow attach it to myself in any meaningful way that applies to the type of person that I am. 

There is definately so much difference between the many lables out there, but as long as we cause no harm to ourselves or others, yes, we can be friends as  human beings, each bringing their own true values to the table to share.

You have good thoughts Taylor, keep them coming out.


Terri

[taylor]

Terry,

Do you have a pic of your vette you can share...somehow, like a link? And have you had her sense she was a new born?? That has to be a blast! I had a  MGB midget once, and it was ... well a good toy lol.

Peace,
Taylor

[Terri-Gene]

Naw Taylor, didn't get her new.  Found her on a custom consignment lot in Reno and just kind of fell in love with her and cashed her out.  Spent 11900 for her and took her to a shop and spent a little over 5 grand ripping her apart and putting her back together.  You know how it is, you like it so you tweak it a bit. I sent you a couple of pics via email.

Terri

[Melissa]

That only works if you have 1.21 Gigawatts of electricity flowing through the flux capacitor at the same time.

Melissa

[Nero]

I don't pretend to know about the feelings and thoughts of CDs,and I agree there are significant differences between them and us. However, haven't many MtFs first identified as CDs?
Maybe I'm wrong about this, but I don't believe everything is as simple as one has to identify completely as male or female. I believe many CDs have a "core" male gender but also have some female brain activity. And no, for some, I don't believe it is as simple as "switching the female part on and off" whenever it's more convenient to be a man. I once had two dear friends who were CDs. One, was the way I have just described- male core identity, but also felt somewhat like a female. The other, well, I really suspect that he was late-onset MtF. He said he felt like a woman and wished he were a woman. I don't know for sure, but I think he was afraid to transition because he knew that not only would he never be able to pass (he was extemely masculine in appearance) and therefore face ridicule and the threat of bodily harm everywhere he went, but also lose his children and the business he had spent his life building.( because he'd probably lose many customers). He has since passed on (both of them have), and it breaks my heart that he was never able to be the woman he felt he was. I wish people (trans and non) would not be so quick to judge CDs. Remember, some CDs may really be MtF transsexuals who have not come to terms with their condition or for reasons of their own, will never transition. I do NOT buy into the myth that a "true" transsexual will transition or die. For some MtFs who will never pass the risks outweigh the benefits. One thing that bothers me about some transpeople is their belief that we're all the same. Some people are stronger than others. What may be right for one transsexual may not be right for another. Everybody knows non-transsexuals are not all alike. Why should it be any different for us? In short,transgender is transgender, transsexual is transsexual, not the same, but really not all that different either.
Just my humble opinion.
Nero

[Melissa]

You definitely made some good points there Nero.  I am sorry your potential MTF friend was never able to transition.  But there really is a steep price to pay for transitioning.  Not only monetarily, but in many other aspects as well.  I think there are many who are aware of this and make the decision that is best for them. 

I noticed we have 2 conflicting messages I have seen on this site:
1. Don't transition unless you absolutely must.
2. If you don't transition, you're not really TS.

At this point, I tend to agree with the top one more, but only the person themselves can determine what it means by "absolutely must".

I hadn't thought too much about CDs being TS in denial, but I know it's very real, as I was in that same situation for many years and I think almost anybody who seeks to transition after 25 has done this.

Melissa

[Annie Social]

I noticed we have 2 conflicting messages I have seen on this site:
1. Don't transition unless you absolutely must.
2. If you don't transition, you're not really TS.

Melissa, I think I could agree with both, if #2 were modified a bit:

2. If you don't want to transition, you're either not really TS, or you just haven't gotten desperate enough yet.

Annie

[Melissa]

I agree that's how it should be, but that's not the message I keep hearing.

Melissa

[Terri-Gene]

Mellissa, we hear all kinds of things.  It just depends on who you are talking to at the moment.  All that matters is how you feel about it.  We all take a certain amount of time to complete the process, or making the money for it  that is.  Ignore what others have to say if you and your psych are in agreement that you need to go on, thats all that can really be said about it.

Terri

[Jillieann Rose]

Hi,
I don't know how this fits in but one of the people here that I email allot disapeared for about a month and a half now. I email the person about 2 weeks ago to see how they were and to tell them what was happening to me.
That person wrote back that they were fine just in a male mode for the last month.
I can't change my gender like that I am female 24-7.
Are CDers two genders in one body? Do true CDer flip from one gender to another like that?
If that is true than I am not a CD person. No flip flop of gender here. 
The female inside of me has only grown stronger and I have gain some peace within.

When I frist came to Susan's I would try to make myself look as feminine as I could each day when I got up for work. Put on some clear polish on my fingernails, a little bit of eyeliner and some perfume.  But now when I get up I put on my male disguise. This is a real change for me.  It's a real shift in perspective. I was male trying to be female and now I'm female trying to survive in a male role.

So maybe I am transexual.

Jillieann

[Melissa]

That's what I have heard Jillieann.  I assume you are referring to Lisabeth.  That's good to at least get an update.  I understand what you mean about the perspective.  I always feel guilty going in the men's room, but I don't have much choice at work.  In public, I avoid them like the plague and will only use restrooms in public if a.) I'm presenting as female and it's a femlae bathroom. b.) It's a unisex bathroom.

When I was first coming out of my shell, I was a little resistant to acting as my true self, but now realize that I can act myself all the time regardless of how I'm dressed and I don't get treated badly for it.  Really, come to think of it, I was lucky growing up and didn't really get bullied for being feminine and it was only myself (or the advice of friends who thought they were helping) that made me act more masculine and be careful of everything I did.  Now, I'm just pegged as gay, but I don't care.  I find other women tend to also be more comfortable around me than they used to.

Melissa