Androgynes and partners

[NickSister]

I've been thinking about androgynes and their partners or lack of.

There seems to be a common theme amongst us that we feel that we were slow to grow up, slow to mature. I wonder if this has had an effect on our early relationships - do we tend to 'date' at a later age than others, and date less? I get the impression that we are relationship light as a group (or maybe this is common amongst all transgendered people?) and I'm not entirely sure why that is in regard to androgynes seeing as we tend to be rather invisible transgenderers.

I had my first girlfriend when I was 20 and I thought this was rather late considering all my friends were in and out of relationships. I wonder if it was because of my inability to play the male 'part' in the dance. Maybe we tend to be attracted to people that are not attracted to us? Maybe we appear immature? Maybe the people that would be comfortable with a partner who was on some level not male or female are not that common or maybe those same people are trapped by social law and tend to pick more socially appropriate partners. I don't know. Any thoughts?

[Shana A]

I don't think that not having girlfriends (or boyfriends) in high school had to do with emotional maturity, mostly I was a loner and considered nerdy or a ->-bleeped-<- so everyone avoided me, except to beat me up.    And of course, anytime I was interested in anyone, they weren't at all interested in me Once out of high school, life changed, and I was able to find compatible partners. 

Z

[RebeccaFog]

I never really got started at all.

In my 20's, I had to get really drunk and hope someone would show interest.  I found someone who stuck, but if she ran away right now, I'd be back where I was, except I don't drink anymore, so I would be entirely conscious during the terrible ordeal of waiting and hoping someone else would make a move.

I guess I probably haven't changed much, though I'd like to think that I can initiate a relationship, I doubt it.

I suck.

[Nero]

I never really got started at all.

In my 20's, I had to get really drunk and hope someone would show interest.  I found someone who stuck, but if she ran away right now, I'd be back where I was, except I don't drink anymore, so I would be entirely conscious during the terrible ordeal of waiting and hoping someone else would make a move.

I guess I probably haven't changed much, though I'd like to think that I can initiate a relationship, I doubt it.

I suck.

Reebs, you're such an adorable person, I bet there's tons of guys and gals just praying you'll make a move.

[sd]

I never really dated, but I did have a girlfriend in high school.

I had several partners willing and waiting over the years, but I never took advantage. I had no idea what I was and I did not want a one night stand. So it was either keep them at bay or start a relationship and hope my gender issues did not catch up and send me down the mtf route. As I get to know myself better, I now know that won't happen and am more willing to give a relationship a shot. Unfortunately, that presents a problem. I have so little experience compared to others of my age in terms of sex, relationships, dating, etc.

Posted on: March 30, 2008, 06:29:25 PM

Reebs, you're such an adorable person, I bet there's tons of guys and gals just praying you'll make a move.

They are, but are not receptive of it.
My experience has been a person like Rebis (and myself) will not be able to meet anyone except by chance, internet or a friend. Unless the other person makes the move.

The men and women want it, but they do not recognize us due to all the players hitting on them, they expect smoothness. We get blown off in a crowd due to inexperience. Unless you play the game and are good at it, you can forget the typical meeting places like clubs, bars, etc...

[NickSister]

I have to admit myself that I am generally unaware of people that like me. It is like a really big blind spot considering I can be very sensitive to moods. I'm sure this blind spot hampered my early trials. My wife tells me that I get men and women checking me out all the time but I never notice. Perhaps I'm missing the binary signals, or it could be I'm just generally unaware - sometimes a cigar is a cigar.

I've just had a thought. We have talk about others not being able to read us, or the mildness of our natures, maybe when we like other people they can't tell and they don't get the message. Perhaps in order to be more successful in getting into relationships we need to be more forward.

I suppose initiating a relationship is difficult for most people most of the time and being transgendered just makes it more so, it is not like we are all known for our great self esteem.

[RebeccaFog]

Reebs, you're such an adorable person, I bet there's tons of guys and gals just praying you'll make a move.

They are, but are not receptive of it.
My experience has been a person like Rebis (and myself) will not be able to meet anyone except by chance, internet or a friend. Unless the other person makes the move.

The men and women want it, but they do not recognize us due to all the players hitting on them, they expect smoothness. We get blown off in a crowd due to inexperience. Unless you play the game and are good at it, you can forget the typical meeting places like clubs, bars, etc...

Yeah.   Thank you, Nero, but SD is right.

[Pica Pica]

I am 22, I've never had a relationship really, and definitely not a long term relationship. But I always attributed that to my selfishness, I can't really go any other way than my own, locks people out.

[RebeccaFog]

I have a serious need to share.

[Pica Pica]

I'll share, but I'm not going your way - unless it coincides with mine, I just can't.

[RebeccaFog]

in that case, I'll start packing.  You can expect to make your own breakfast tomorrow.  Or today.  Or whatever time it is here in London where we both have been sharing a flat.  can of coca-cola.


               

[Pica Pica]

  ow.

But I wanted to watch you go your way anyway.

[sd]

I have to admit myself that I am generally unaware of people that like me. It is like a really big blind spot considering I can be very sensitive to moods. I'm sure this blind spot hampered my early trials. My wife tells me that I get men and women checking me out all the time but I never notice. Perhaps I'm missing the binary signals, or it could be I'm just generally unaware - sometimes a cigar is a cigar.

I've just had a thought. We have talk about others not being able to read us, or the mildness of our natures, maybe when we like other people they can't tell and they don't get the message. Perhaps in order to be more successful in getting into relationships we need to be more forward.

I suppose initiating a relationship is difficult for most people most of the time and being transgendered just makes it more so, it is not like we are all known for our great self esteem.

I don't even want to admit to how blind I can be to signals, it's flat out embarrassing.

I have gone so far as to tell one person if they want to seduce me, just hit me upside the head with a baseball bat and drag me to bed by my hair caveman style otherwise I might not get it. Hmmm, now that I think about it, I still might confuse that method for anger.

The self esteem is possibly a part of it, but I do not think that is all there is to it.

[Shana A]

I'm also pretty clueless when it comes to noticing that people are interested in me, and haven't been the initiator in most relationships. Not that it matters at this point, I've been w/ my partner for a dozen years. I'd have no idea how to find someone else if I had to. 

Hmmmm, could be fun to move in w/ Pica and Rebis though 

Z

[lady amarant]

I find this thread oddly compelling and unnervingly familiar.

I wonder if one can be an androgyne TS... 

[RebeccaFog]

I find this thread oddly compelling and unnervingly familiar.

I wonder if one can be an androgyne TS... 

Sharing some traits with us doesn't mean you aren't TS, just an extra groovy person.

I have a thought that there are androgyne TS's.

[lady amarant]

I have a thought that there are androgyne TS's.

Yeah, I mean, there are like 65 million colours in the colour spectrum, why not as many variations in the gender/sex spectrum?!

[RebeccaFog]

if you have nothing better to do than to count how many colors exist, then maybe you would be better of spending that time looking for a job.   

[Shana A]

I wonder if one can be an androgyne TS... 

Sure, why not? Shhhhh, don't tell the binary TS though >

Speaking for myself, having gone through transition as M2F TS before realizing myself as androgyne, they seem to be variations on the spectrum.

Z

[lady amarant]

if you have nothing better to do than to count how many colors exist, then maybe you would be better of spending that time looking for a job.   

FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I have a job.


I just happen to be a total slacker at it...

Posted on: 31 March 2008, 07:55:32

Sure, why not? Shhhhh, don't tell the binary TS though >

Z

*giggle* Mum's the word.