Perfection

[Susan]

I have been thinking about my life recently, I have thought upon the pleasure, the pain, the ebb, and the flow of life. I have spent quite some time thinking about what is required in order to make my life perfect. These are deep and meaningful thoughts. This process should not to be undertaken lightly or in a moment of jest. What is required of me and what must I do. What is necessary to achieve perfection in a human life? Is it even possible?

If it were possible then perfection would be a moment of ultimate joy, it would simultaneously be a moment of ultimate pain. The joy comes from the knowledge that you have crowned your life. The pain is of knowing that you could match but not exceed that point in your life. You have reached a plateau beyond which nothing more exists. I am personally far from being a perfect person; I am however one that would like to be. At times, I have thought that perfection would be to become a woman, to be complete in body and mind. I however am a realist no matter how much surgery I do on the body I possess I will never be genetically female. This does not mean however that my life can not be perfect and that I should not have surgery regardless.

I have concluded that perfection is simply acceptance. It starts with your acceptance of yourself. Additionally it is the acceptance others grant to you. Perfection is someone who looks at you and does not see an oddity including you looking at yourself. It is someone who without blinking or hesitating reads your spirit and personality and responds accordingly.

We each experience perfection many times in our lives. Sometimes if you are exceedingly lucky, you can experience it on a daily basis.

[Valerie]

Perfection is someone who looks at you and does not see an oddity

If it helps at all:

your pic is on your posts for all to see
Bet no one thinks you're an oddity
Including little ol' GG me.....   

Okay, it was corny, but I meant it.  From the photo alone I can see you are a very attractive woman...beautiful....if I may be so bold as to say so....

including you looking at yourself

When I got tired of being controlled by my emotions, I started working the 12-Steps of AA and other self help groups.  But as I did so, my neighbor, a recovering alcoholic, gave me this suggestion, which was given him by his AA sponsor:  Every day, look yourself in the mirror (in the eyes), and say 'I LOVE YOU' ten times in a row.  You have to do it consistently. 

I balked, but I did it. I said 'I love you' 10 times to my mirror-self....very quickly at first...after a few weeks I noticed I was saying it slower.  A few weeks later, slower...and...amazingly...I began to mean it.  And finally, I coudl say it slowly, ever so slowly...and look myself in the eyes and smile at myself.   

Today I can still do that, though i don't do the daily repetitions anymore.  Every now and again I catch a glimpse of me in the mirror---and I am pleased with my smile or the sparkle in my eye, and I say 'I love you'.  Sometimes I have a bad hair day, or I'm not happy with my teeth, or with my body fat....and I look in the mirror and tell myself, "But I love you anyway". 

I know you have some different issues to face than I do regarding acceptance, but I hope this helps someone out there....

[Kimberly]

I do not mean to discredit the idea as it does work, which is undoubtedly one of the reasons it is used so often and even has a name... indoctrination.
Tell someone something enough times and they will believe it.
Notice similarities between commercials, many formal religious practices and phrases repeated often to one's mirror reflection.

In my opinion, it is better to find and fix the problems causing the self-esteem issues and or whatever else, rather than covering them up. ... Just as I think it is better to be who you are rather than pretending to be what you are not.

[Valerie]

Well, yeah, sure Kim, of course you're right about that.  I wasn't saying that all our problems can be fixed this way.  But what we tell ourselves obviously has some influence on our inner-selves.  I guess I should have reiterated the fact that going through the 12-steps, especially Step 5, in combination with the mirror-talk and God, is what helped me.  In most cases, it's never just one thing

[stephanie_craxford]

I'm not sure if perfection truly exists or if it is possible.  For who decides what perfection is?  When you think about it, there really can't be such a thing as perfection, just as there can't be such a thing as the end to the universe. 

Lay on your back in the evening and looked up at the stars and the universe, and look to the very limits of your mind, and imagine that at that limit was the end of the universe.  Now you are left to imagine what lies beyond that, and then what lies beyond that , and what lies beyond that.  Never ending.

I think that the notion of perfection must be reasoned the same way.  If it were possible to reach perfection and you looked into a mirror you would see perfection, but that can't be, that can't be the end of the universe, there has to be something after.

Just mt thoughts

Steph

[Jonie]

Hi Susan,

Like you, I too sought after perfection but after a while it seemed to be impossible. Then I wondered if I ever achieved perfection what then, the journey is over then isn't it? Is perfection something to be avoided then, maybe the pursuit of excellence would be more satisfying.

Let's say you were in front of a big crowd and were to perform a piece of music perfectlly, if you succeeded in everything that it takes to make the end result perfect you would be left with elevator music. Now if you said to yourself, " I don't care how many mistakes I make, most of them will go unnoticed anyway," all I care about is devoting every moment of the performance to playing the music as excellently as I can, then when you were finished a big round of applause would be very hard to avoid.

[melissa90299]

Nice thoughts, Susan. You look great BTW!!!

In AA, we have a saying "progress not perfection." So many of the AA principles can be applied to our (trans) experience, it's mind-boggling.