How many of you delayed because you thought you could not pass?

[Just Mandy]

When I was younger, around 13 or 14, I started repressing how I really felt about myself. There
were a lot of reasons but a biggie was I felt female inside but outside I felt like I was all boy and
could never look like a girl, ever. There was no way, I was ugly and that was it.

I was looking at old pictures last night and ran across some of me around 13/14 and
I actually would have passed as a girl with no trouble at all. It was kinda sad
actually and I teared up because I really felt the loss of not having done something
back then when I could have so obviously passed .

The sadness did not last very long though because I ran across a picture of me
and my older sister when she was around 30... and if you saw her picture next to
my avatar picture you would swear we were sisters. I was the uglier sister of course
But our eyes/forehead and smiles are identical. Our noses are very similar with the tip of mine being
slightly larger. The only real difference is my chin which is wider. It really made me happy
because she was and is very pretty and was never short of boys hanging around when we
were growing up.

Anyway, my question is how many of you denied yourself your transistion because you thought
when you were younger you could never pass?

Amanda

[Kate]

Anyway, my question is how many of you denied yourself your transistion because you thought
when you were younger you could never pass?

(raises hand)

I've always obsessed over being 6'2", thinking there was just NO way transitioning would ever make me anything more than a very tall man in a dress to everyone. I know some people say "self-acceptance" can overcome anything, and I should have just done it anyway and dealt with the taunts, but it was never about "expressing myself" for me. My goal has always been to be socially accepted as a female, and I just didn't see that happening at my height.

To be honest, when I DID "decide" to transition, it wasn't because I realized I might pass, or that my self-acceptance grew... it was because I had to TRY, and figured if it didn't work and I wasn't accepted, I'd just end it all.

Some "plan," huh?

~Kate~

[Just Mandy]

To be honest, when I DID "decide" to transition, it wasn't because I realized I might pass, or that my self-acceptance grew...

Exactly the same for me... in fact I just knew I would not pass.

Coming close to passing has just been a bonus.

Amanda

[Sheila]

I have always thought I could not pass, at all. I think I have described myself in other threads. I'm on the big side. When I was younger I was 6 foot and I had very broad shoulders and a barrel chest. It was very hard for me to wear womens clothes as they wear very tight around the shoulders and my arms. I also had big arms. I would look in the mirrors and cry in secret that I would never be a woman. I threw all that out and I just went for it. I lost some weight and now I'm fairly proportioned still big for a woman, but hey, when I started this journey I told a friend of mine that I may be the ugliest woman on the face of this world, but I will be a woman. Now I'm amazed at that I do pass and fairly well I might add. I love it and should have done this a very long time ago.
Sheila

[Dizzy]

Yep same for me! I got the courage to go to a gender group when I was 16 and it scared me so I decided to throw everything away and try and be a dude as best I could. I look back on pictures of me then and its like eeeyaah! If only I hadn't been such a wuss >_< I'm 22 now and the difference is terrible in those few years. High school year books make me cringe because I actually had a pretty cute haircut.. no facial hair. Shoot, hindsight is 20/20 :3

[Aimes]

I cant say i didnt do it because i thought i couldnt pass. It was due to denial, not having the courage to do anything about it, then ending up stuck in a relationship, before coming full circle through the whole process and then transitioning after a year. At most passing delyed me by a couple of months.

I just regret the lack of courage i had, but more importantly, information about it. If i knew alot more about it then, well, never knew what would have happened

[Robin_p]

I never thought i could pass. So that kind of hinder me for like 20 years......

I remember that someone told me "you need that body to Transition with so you should stop hurting it". That was my first inclination that i mght be able to live this life.

[ErickaM]

I think that almost all of us at some point think that we will never pass; I know I sure thought I would never pass and a lot of the time still it feel that I'm being clocked but oh well.  I may not look like a woman but I am one and I think that there are some of us that will never pass without FFS, but for others I think passing is more an attitude.  How we present ourselves to the public, how we see ourselves and how others see us. 

[NicholeW.]

Passing wasn't a consideration, tbh. Other struggles were, including having children. The doubts about overcoming conditioning. I never expected to 'pass' just knew it couldn't wait any longer and passing didn't matter.

So, I was quite pleased to find I do and have. That just simply wasn't an issue, staying alive was. The rest has been bonus stuff.

But, never have had the 'size' difficulty and I am sure that helps. Oddly, for me, the conditioning problem has been minimal, although living for a year between 19 & 20 doing what I suppose was CD-ing was helpful maybe. It was simply time for Nichole to live. She has and does and I couldn't be happier except having a large net-worth would be helpful, which I don't.

N~

[Laura91]

[/quote]

To be honest, when I DID "decide" to transition, it wasn't because I realized I might pass, or that my self-acceptance grew... it was because I had to TRY, and figured if it didn't work and I wasn't accepted, I'd just end it all.

Some "plan," huh?

~Kate~
[/quote]

Well, I had the same sort of plan too so you are not the only one. It's a good thing that neither of us have to resort to that, eh?

[Sheena]

Fear of not passing was not my issue but just fear. Mostly of what people would think. I repressed my true self out of survival and lived my life the way everyone else thought I should or expected of me. No wonder I was so unhappy and done with life. I finally started my transition because I had too.
Now fear of not passing did keep at home for quite awhile and I became very depressed. My wife trying to turn me out of the path I am on is constantly telling me I'm too big to pass and a freak and other discouraging things. But my doctor put me in contact with a therapist who's fees were based on a sliding scale so I could afford to have one. Because of her encouragement I'm now out in public as myself and the depression is gone. I can't praise my therapist enough, she is the best. I still feel I don't pass a lot but I don't care I'm happy.
Sheena

[Sister Seagull]

Fear of not passing was not my issue but just fear. Mostly of what people would think. I repressed my true self out of survival and lived my life the way everyone else thought I should or expected of me.

Someone I can relate to - but I haven't got past the fear stage yet.  I know I can pass, for the most part, but... I'm in my 30s - as I get older, it gets more difficult.  Now I'm starting to worry about passing, too.

[Brianne]

Fear of not passing is one the two main things holding me back.  I look in the mirror and I see a tall, bulky guy.  I used to lift weight seriously when I was an undergrad and ten years later I still have that bulky figure.  I'm trying to lose weight and I know that HRT can cause a loss of muscle mass, but I just can't get past the fear that if I transition people will never see me as a woman, only a tall man in women's cloths.

[Tanya1]

Amanda, I'm 18 and you look A LOT better than me... I don't know what you are fussing about. To be honest I think all you really need is hair removal on your face, hormones, and voice therapy along with SRS. You have nice features

[jc02081]

I agree with a previous post in this thread that one of the main reasons I have not committed to transitioning is because I don't think I will pass. So, right now I am trying to lost weight and make subtle feminine changes where I can. I think that other reasons I am delaying transitioning are that I feel that my family will not understand and a lack of money.

[Floating]

I've been delaying my transitions for three reasons.

1.  Fear of not passing.
2.  My life will affect other people's lives, possibly negatively.  Mainly my girlfriend will be affected.
3.  Just general fear of discrimination.

The third is becoming less and less important.  The first I'm starting to realize isn't important either.
Just a little worried about the second one.

[annajasmine]

For it was a small factor when I was young and got bigger as I aged. I come from Jehovah's Wittiness back ground. They are very conservative I was told GLBT would get raft of god( it's death and no earthly resurrection They don't believe hell)  and be judge accordingly. That didn't really stop me it was disappointing my family and the stigma. The JWs do a form of shunning which was a factor becuase of most of my family are JWs. Maybe the fact getting called gay slurs from 5th and on didn't help and didn't really want to do anything to prove them right. I mean how many kids in 80ies say "I want to grow up be a glbt". Also something bad happen to me when I was young 7ish I felt it kind of happen because I was the way. I am even though it was not true. Well that what held me up until age 33. I know once I get to therapist I will probably have to discuss my childhood for hours.

Anna

[Just Mandy]

Amanda, I'm 18 and you look A LOT better than me... I don't know what you are fussing about. To be honest I think all you really need is hair removal on your face, hormones, and voice therapy along with SRS. You have nice features

Thank you Tanya I'm finding out that a lot of us don't really see what others see... if the complements are
to believed. And I have no reason to think everyone is lying to me But as I've said, I just see an ugly guy still.

And Tanya... HRT at age 18 will work magic on you... by 22 you will be so pretty and no one will be able
to tell your are anything but GG. OMG... I'd trade places with you if I could

Amanda

[Wing Walker]

I was never concerned that I couldn't pass until I had actually begun HRT!  I was 51 when I started and after having done what was expected of me for 46 years, I didn't much care.  What I hade was what the world got.  That is how I feel to this moment.

At six feet tall I am not petite.  I dress in plus-size clothing, and I feel great about who I am.  I am a woman in my heart, in my mind, in my  soul, and in my life and the way I live it.  I pass.

Wing Walker

[roni]

I dressed up as a teenage (way back then) girl and sorta passed until friends saw me and laughted. We all doubted because no one was doing/discussing it 20 plus years ago. They was no support, only ridicule. I still want to pass as a female (MTF). I think of myself as female 24/7 and play the male role for others. Let's be the real us!!

roni