past experiences

[corrine]

Hello everyone. I'm wondering what kinds of experiences you all had when you were teenagers and young adults. Were any of you out as transgendered? How did that effect your peer and family relationships? How have these experiences effected who you are today? I'm interested in the social construction of gender and how people who exist outside of the stereotypical male/female or masculine/feminine model were affected as young people and what this means for them today as well.

--Corrine 

[jan c]

well. Corrine (a favorite name of mine btw) -
When I was a young thing there was no such thing as truly living outside of the constructed norms, gender-wise. Unless we're really talking the outer fringes of society.
That said I did not fit, nor did I try terribly hard to fit, what was expected of a masculine person, throughout adolescence. This was the 1970's  - that's right, you read right, ancient times - and I was a little hippie, the fact I would try out makeup or tended to wear 'unisex' clothing (which pretty much just meant a guy dressing girly), did not for those several years much change the situation, as I was considered a very out-there person anyway. (I got to be, you know, university-age, and started trying to be more 'normal' and try that out... not such great results, got to tell you)
What that experience did for me is to do with a certain freedom of expression, and a 'I don't really much care what y'all think about some of it' posture. This mismatch of gender vs sex can be daunting stuff for some, and if I had too much invested in others approval...

"I'm the one that has to die when it's time for me to die. So let me live my life the way I want to."
- a song I listened to many times during this period, If Six Was Nine, Jimi Hendrix.

[Mario]

Hey,
     At that time in the 80's , when I was done tring to be normal and be with boys, I became a boy in my mind, had an alter personality, and girls bought it. So I was with straight girls which is the only way I would of had it. I was very convincing. They all thought I was a boy, even though they knew who I was. What a trip.
                                                Marco

[Chynna]

HI, corrine
I came out to my family and friends when I gradauted HS @ age 16 This alienated me from most of my male friends and my mother (father already deceased) This gave me a realistic outlook on people in general and caused me to "go back in the closet" and conform to what everyone else wanted.
That inturn gave me this ( the world owes me" attitude which caused me to be very selfish and constantly get in all types of trouble.
The experiences in my youth served only to strength who I am today
But if not for "devine Intervention" the lesson(s) would have gone unlearned & I am certain I would be a totally differnet person today if not already deceased.

CHYNNA

PS very nice well thought out & written thread! & welcome to the site

[Melissa]

I was never in pure denial as a teenager.  I was always "aware" of the problem at least on a subconscious level, if not at times conscious.  However, I didn't know that what I felt meant I was transsexual.  I guess I always acted myself (to a degree), but was still never content.  I always felt there we're these unspoken rules about how I *should* act.  Most people did not really give me a hard time and I usually got along quite well, which I hear is unusual for a TS.  It was only recently that I figured out what the feelings and urges I was feeling meant and transition started soon after.

I guess the biggest reason I wasn't aware that I was entirely different, was because I incorrectly assumed *all* boys felt like I did.  I don't know if this was that helpful, but I hope it helps.

Melissa

[Jennifer72]

I'm with Melissa on this one, I think that I knew on some level all my life. I've always been different, socially anyway. I've never fit in with the guys. I always liked the soft things, jealous of what the girls got to wear (I'm a total clothes whore btw:D ) For me it has only been in the past year that I really discovered true self, and am now working to correct the gods' mistake.


Jennifer

[Chynna]

Jennifer72,

Please don't not take this has me critizing you, or in any way as negative your opinion is your opinion and I deeply respect that. but I have always want to ask someone this and since you stated I figure why not just ask you.

am now working to correct the gods' mistake.

Yeah I know this is entirely a different convrsation but, Can you explain in some detail your view on that for me? I am under the belief & again this is just me and my opinion that "God does not make mistakes." Instead he presents us with obstacles or "Choices" rather and then leaves it up to us to decide wich path to follow left or right sort of speak. like he's setting the stage and let the play called life unfold by itself.
Again thats just my sole opinion and nothing else

But I am extremely interest in the flip side to that view
"that he does in fact make mistakes."

if you choose not to discuss the manner I completley understand and apologize for bringing it up.

A fallen angel is still.... an angel
Chynna

[Jennifer72]

 HI Chynna,

Being pagan, I have a very different point of view on how the universe works. I believe that the gods and the universe in general have a very active role in our lives. I also believe that mistakes can happen and that challenges are presented when we are ready for them. This may be one of those challenges, yet I dout it. It may be that I am in this situation to change something. (unfortunately I really don't know) The gods that I follow are much closer to humanity, (human like if you will) and subject to emotions and such, like ourselves. Prime examples can be found in Norse, Celtic, Greek etc... mythology. Gods get jealous, fall in love... Don't get me wrong I also believe in a prime God and Goddess, ala the earth religions that all other gods kinda boil down into. But I still believe that they are very close to us as well...

btw, no offense taken, Chynna, I never mind questions. I just hope this may have answered some of yours. Feel free to pm me if you have other questions.

Jennifer

[Chynna]

We seem to share similar view points in regards to challenges But different in the concept of One vs Several.

I too truly believe that God, or the prime God & Goddess's <-(ithink thats a word isnt it) Are

(human like if you will) and subject to emotions and such, like ourselves.

I always say "God as a sense of humor just look at my life!"

Interesting discussion definitely will PM you sometime

Thanks

Chynna

[Robyn]

First of all, Chynna, let me reiterate one of my favorites:  "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."

On the other point, my belief is that God doesn't make mistakes.  She makes people like us, gays, lesbians, Down's Syndrome babies, spina bifida babies, intersex babies, etc, etc for a purpose.  That purpose - as I would say to the religious fanatics - is to teach all of us unconditional love.  Unconditional love is how I translate Christ's Second Command:  "Love your neighbor as yourself."

Love and Light.

Robyn
Reiki Master/Teacher

[Chynna]

reikirobyn,

And thus "I stand in the presence of greatness once again @ Susan.org"
And I mean that with all sincerity.

Thanks for the insight and stating that so much clear than I could ever do.

BTW,

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."

Can I borrow that? it's just way too funny, accurate. and true

reenlightened through discusion
Chynna

[umop ap!sdn]

I also grew up believing that everybody felt the way I did - disliking the role I would grow into - and foolishly believed that it would all go away. I knew what I wanted to be but didn't realize that there probably would have been options available if only I had spoke up.

The way that affects me now is it hurts thinking about it, thinking about all those years of irreversible changes caused by my body's natural androgens, all those years of doing nothing out of ignorance and "everyone feels this way." My parents even asked me once if I'd rather be a girl and I was too scared to answer. 

[Melissa]

The way that affects me now is it hurts thinking about it, thinking about all those years of irreversible changes caused by my body's natural androgens

Looking at your picture, I would say that they didn't really do much damage. 

Me personally, I believe that my body didn't like the androgens, so it started getting rid of them on it's own.  I think it helped preserve me, as I'm certain I had low T levels.  For me, I don't worry about the past anymore.  In fact, I've had people who didn't know I was TS and thought I was GG and I told them details about my past such as some of interests I had growing up.  I'm not ashamed.  I only mention my TS status if it's pertinent, but at the same time I don lie.

Melissa

[umop ap!sdn]

Looking at your picture, I would say that they didn't really do much damage. 

Why thank you!

Truth be told, some pictures taken of me end up not looking as good as that one. 

[Robyn]

reikirobyn,


BTW,Can I borrow that? it's just way too funny, accurate. and true

reenlightened through discusion
Chynna

Chynna, thank you for your compliment.  If it was you who bumped my reputation up a notch, I thank you for that, too. 

As far as using the making God laugh quote is concerned, feel free.  It isn't my original.  My ex told me that, and I don't recall where she found it.  (I prefer those memories of her much more than those of her hands on my throat.)

[Chynna]

reikirobyn,

Please take this as a compliment.

I never had a true mother in the traditional sense...I had a woman who gave birth to me and named me and never really nurtured me or showed me any love or attention (she litterally stayed locked in her bedroom all the time after coming home from work) The only room in our entire house that had AC was hers.
So thus I crave that motherly attention and wisdom something I find in you.
the more I read your post and see your wisdom spelled out so elegantly but simple enough for some one such as myself to comprehend I can only admire you has a strong female role model.

So what I am trying to say...I think.... is thanks for periodically filling that gap within my life.

The daughter I wish you had
Chynna
I hope someday to make you proud!