Looking For Approval . . .

[gina_taylor]

My psychaitrist feels that because I tend to tell people about my being transgendered that I am looking for approval, and he tells me that I should keep my personal life at home and that I shouldn't let it seep into my outside life. I tell him that all that I'm doing is telling them per chance that they may see me that they don't completely "FREAK" out on me. Unfortunately due to my work at this  time, I have to remain as a male, but I do plan on going full time by 2007.
Gina   

[Chynna]

Well I perfer when people know what I am especially men It prevents me from having to have the akward conversation
"you know the one where you tell them what you are before things go to far and they freak out on you or change there whole preception of you as a person"
I tell most people from the first 20 minutes of meeting them what I am.. most people don't believe anyway and usually make reference to my breast size. (hormones are great! ) So when you are telling everyone about your Transsexualism\transgender status. One could look at it has seeking approval..TRUE

but one could also look at it as being completely open and honest (something a lot of people have an issue understanding...Honesty) Only YOU know which one it truly is.

I think he needs to be more objective and see it from all angles and realize as a counselor\therapist he should be trying to comprehend the reason behind your openess instead of telling you the reason behind it

All I know is that I seek & need approval from only myself!
& occassionally the boyfriend when he's on my good side

So what do YOU think?
Chynna

PS I sent you a response to your PM!

[Mario]

Gina,
   I think it is up to only you who and when you mention being transgendered. What does he mean keep your personal life at home? Your life is not just behind your door is it? I just think the hard thing is having to remain male at your work place if that is not the way you want it to be. I quit my job 6 weeks ago, and will go back after the 5th on June which is the day I get my decree from the judge on my name change and then I will be assigined to a new post where no one knows me, so no one will know I am transitioning since I look male enough and my top surgery is on Aug 7th. There was no way I could have transitioned at work in front of all kinds of people. I worked security at a shopping center so I came in contact with alot of people everyday. The same ones too within their stores. My point is, you need to do it the way you want and where. Good luck when the time comes.
                                                          Marco

[MarcosGirl]

Hi Gina,
        Although I'm an SO, I am in therapy for issues of my own.  It sounds to me that you should find a more "gender-friendly" therapist.  I wouldn't think that telling people who you are is looking for approval.  And who you are shouldn't be something you have to keep at home.  You should be able to be who you are where ever you are.  And who cares if you're looking for approval.  Isn't that why we share our lives with people, to find some validation in the world?
        I think the more you share, the more you find you're not alone in the world.

Hang in there,
Pam

[jan c]

I really don't get it.
Your 'personal' life versus your 'outside' life.
That sounds - this is a psychotherapist type-of term - disassociated.
I think, somebody please correct me if I am wrong, your so-called transgender status, your sexuality, per se, is a core issue.
Eventually it has to integrate with the 'outside world'.

  You should be able to be who you are where ever you are.  And who cares if you're looking for approval.  Isn't that why we share our lives with people, to find some validation in the world?
 

What she said.

And while it is true that the CENTRAL approval HAS to come from your self, you can't NOT share that. Eventually you are in the world.

You're paying this guy money to hear this stuff?

[stephanie_craxford]

My psychaitrist feels that because I tend to tell people about my being transgendered that I am looking for approval, and he tells me that I should keep my personal life at home and that I shouldn't let it seep into my outside life. I tell him that all that I'm doing is telling them per chance that they may see me that they don't completely "FREAK" out on me. Unfortunately due to my work at this  time, I have to remain as a male, but I do plan on going full time by 2007.
Gina   

I agree with all the replies to this one Gina, especially Jan's comments as what you have said doesn't seem to make much sense coming from a therapist.  I would just like to ask why you have the need to tell everyone that you are "Transgendered", because by doing that it does look like you are looking for a reaction from the person whether it's approval or something else.  Could your therapist have told you to keep your personal life to yourself as it's no one else business?  Just a thought.

Steph

[gina_taylor]

Thanks for all of your wonderful replies.  I am right now living a double life, I am as Chynna said, just being completely honest. Has anyone seen the movie "TRANSAMERICA"? Bree Osbourne, the main character is a conservative in the movie. I am a liberal. No offence to either.

My psychiatrist meant when he said; to keep my personal life at home, is not to be discussing my transgendered life outside of my home. I don't see how I can't when it's a part of me. A few weeks ago, I was talking with an installer about nightclubs that he's been to, and I mentioned the one that I've been going to, and he told me that he's never heard of it. He was curious, so I told him that it's a gender friendly nightclub, and that I'm a transgender. Even though it's a gender friendly nightclub, there are still some straight people in there.

So Marco, you've taken a temporary leave of abscence until your name change comes in. Must be exciting! Wish you lots of luck with your upcoming surgery. Who's the surgeon?

I agree 100% with your thoughts Pam. I should be able to be who I am wherever I am.

Gina 

[Mario]

Gina,
    Just do what makes you happy. Brownstein is going to do my surgery. Most would agree he is the best. Pam and I just rented Transamerica last week. Thought it was pretty good.

                                              Marco

[gina_taylor]

Thanks Marco. I will do whatever makes me happy, and I won't care what others think, 'cos I'm never doing it for their approval. 

A few weeks ago, I was going to that gender friendly night club that I've been going to for a while, and I walked out of my apartment dressed in a lovely full dress and I thought I was pretty. Some neighbors saw me, and a few days later I got a letter complaining about my behavior and if it isn't corrected, I could be evicted.  Doesn't make any sense? It just amazes me on why those neighbors didn't come to me first instead of going to management.

Gina 

[Chynna]

How can I put this....

"AWW HELL NO!"

I apologizie for my use of langauge to all but there is no way in hell I'm going to put up with that BS towards any individual. Gina, You maybe in a different state than I am  but I am sure I can find you an attorney that will contact your management office on your behalf.
You has a paying tenant have rights.... actually this could fall under tenant rights they cannot lawfull evict you based on that as I am sure there is no statment in your lease agreement that stipulates a dress code. Probably the only thing they could stand a leg on is that generic clause "inappropriate Conduct" but that is a huge gray area to hang a hat on.
Just PM Me if you wish to protest or fight that BS
the choice is yours but I am completely at your disposal
Im pissed now.
Chynna


Posted at: June 02, 2006, 10:17:03 AMThe more I read this the more I get pissed!!


Posted at: June 02, 2006, 10:22:01 AMSorry for triple posting but, I just spoke with my lawyer in regards to you Gina and he stated based on the limited information I had about the entire event this  couldwould fall under a violation of your constitional andor civil rights and you could sue the management property owners. He also stated he would be more than glad to provide you with a contact in your area that would take the issue on for you...FYI

[Melissa]

I'm pissed too.  Did they specifically state which rule you were violating?  Telling you to "correct your behavior" is not specific, and therefore would probably not be substantial enough for grounds of eviction.  I have always had a copy of the rule I was violating sent to me whenever there was a complaint (not very often). 

I just did a quick search on HRC and found this:

Florida Non-Discrimination Law

Gender identity protected? In some cases
No provision of Florida law explicitly addresses discrimination based on gender identity. However, a Florida court has ruled that an individual with gender dysphoria is within the disability coverage of the Florida Human Rights Act, as well as the portions of the act that prohibit discrimination based on perceived disability.

Sexual orientation protected? No

There is no statewide non-discrimination law that includes protections based on sexual orientation.

Maybe that can help with your case.

Melissa

[gina_taylor]

Thank you Chynna for going to your lawer under my behalf. I'm not sure what legal actiosn I should take, because if I rock the boat too much, I could get evicted one way or another.  Now as I had stated, I had jsut received the notice in my door knocker, and I wnet to see the  managemnet the following day and was told that soem of the neighbors felt uncomfortabel with me 'staring' at them and about my behavior. She didn't go into any further detail. I was tehn told that I have seven days to correct this, or I will be evicted.

The notice said:

Seven Day Notice to Cure Noncompliance

Pursuant to Section 83.56 of the Florida Statues, you are hereby notified  that you have materially breached the terms and conditions of your Lease Agreement executed for the above referenced premises.

You are hereby notified that you are in noncopmpliance of your Lease Agreement or Florida Law for the following reasons:

VIOLATION OF YOUR LEASE AGREEMENT SECTION 13:YOU, YOUR GUEST OR INVITIES DISTURBED THE RIGHTS, COMFORTS AND CONVIENCES OF OTHER RESIDENTS BY MAKING THE OTHER RESIDENTS FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE BY STARING AT THEM OR THEIR CHILDREN.

Demand is hereby made that you remedy the noncompliance within seven days from the receipt of the notice or your right of occupancy shall be deemed terminated and you shall vacate the premises upon such termination.

So I wrote a letter to my neighbor and I appologized fo rmy course of actions and I believe that she has accepted my terms.

I plan to look over the rule book a little more close, and see if there is any loop holes.

Gina 

[Chynna]

You got to be F@#$% kidding me right?!
It sounds like to me the notice should read.

Your neighbors have a problem with you dressing as a woman however since we can find no stipulation within our current lease agrreement against this action we are hereby citing you for staring uncomfortably at someone.
we are trying to scare you into complying with our wishes so Please comply and correct this behavior. Or will try our best to evict you because our residents do'nt wish to live with a transgender individual.

Signed
Close minded Mid-evil reality

Ill be damned if anyone tells me what to wear in my own home I pay rent for. Ask for a copy of the rules of conduct and re read your lease agreement I know for a fact there's no clause specifically stating aa dress code. read them front to back and memorize them And from now on screw the neighbors and just don't look or stare at them problem solved from your end. also FYI keep the copy of the letter you wrote.

I sent you a PM

Much love sis
Chynna


Posted at: June 05, 2006, 11:40:23 AMAlso FYI once they scare you once and you take there BS odds are there not going to stop.

But thats just my opinion as always available if you need me or help

Chynna

[stephanie_craxford]

VIOLATION OF YOUR LEASE AGREEMENT SECTION 13:YOU, YOUR GUEST OR INVITIES DISTURBED THE RIGHTS, COMFORTS AND CONVIENCES OF OTHER RESIDENTS BY MAKING THE OTHER RESIDENTS FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE BY STARING AT THEM OR THEIR CHILDREN.

Hello Chynna.

Notice how they very cleverly left out any reference to anything that could be construed as discriminatory in their notice.

Steph

[Chynna]

Good point Stephanie
I wouldn't call it cleverly more like pathetic!

VIOLATION OF YOUR LEASE AGREEMENT SECTION 13:YOU, YOUR GUEST OR INVITIES DISTURBED THE RIGHTS, COMFORTS AND CONVIENCES OF OTHER RESIDENTS BY MAKING THE OTHER RESIDENTS FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE

And actually rereading this It's extremely vague and really wont stand-up legally so im told.
What defines "THE RIGHTS, COMFORTS AND CONVIENCES"? This does not clearly define what each residence is entitled to as a right or convience & when does anothers right or conviences begin to infringe upon another residences rights & convenience? My lawyer actually said if they use this clause as a basis for their claim to evict you can easily turn this around to say Gina's RIGHTS, COMFORTS AND CONVIENCES where violated by other residence once they saw her in a dress.
He also suggests you ask the reality co. for a more clearly defined definition of section 13 so there are no more misunderstandings on your behalf.

And Im fairly certain the kids where starring not the other way around



Chynna

[stephanie_craxford]

Very true.

Steph

[gina_taylor]

Very good point there Chynna about the way that the notice SHOULD read. You're absolutely right. I pay my rent and it's always paid on time and I shouldn't be told what I can and cannot wear when I step outside of my apartment. I didn't stop to talk with anyone on that aforementioned night. I just left my apartment, saw my neighbors and kept walking towards my truck , got in and drove away. I will ask for a rules of conduct and I will re-read the  lease agreement.

Very good point there as well Stephanie. Thanks for picking that up. It should give me some levrage in court. I did see one kid, but it was from a  distance. Y'know the further I walked, the smaller he got, so there wasn't really much that that kid could see, especially when I had my back to him.

Unfortunately though, I didn't keep a copy of that letter, but it was just between me and the neighbor. I hate it when a third person is involved. 
But I do pretty much remeber what was said in the letter.

Y'know Chynna, I may take you up on your offer. I'll send you a PM with my address if you want to send me the necessary papers from  your lawyer.

Gina   

[Chynna]

Hell I'll drive'em down to YA!!!!

Chynna

[gina_taylor]

Okay Chynna, my friend and sister,

I'll see you in a few days. Take I75 all the way in.

I'll be waiting to see ya!   

Gina 

[jan c]

Give my regards to Nawth Ca'lina on the way down Chynna!