I could never see myself sexually with a girl
So, I'm straight, from my point of view
It's funny, actually...even before I knew that I was TG, I liked boys, but I never pictured myself as gay. I've never used the word to describe my sexuality (I do prefer queer), and the one time I had to nod in agreement, it felt wrong. I come from a very 'straight' community. I met my first openly gay person (open as in, not closeted. Not overly open and proud and loud ^^) when I was 16. So of course, I'd gotten all that prejudice and everything.
But I remember, I never understood why there should be anything wrong with being of an alternative sexual persuasion, as our SE-teacher put it, and I would openly state so. But I'd never once 'admit' to being gay myself, because I wasn't. I just thought of boys sexually and had my girl friends for the emotional aspects. I've never had a boyfriend, nor girlfriend for that matter. There have been plenty opportunities with the girls, but I've never been insterested in that.
It's kind of...eh...and I'm going to be hated for saying this, but it's kind of annoying to have to fend off girls, when you don't have a ready excuse. I mean...they will wonder why, and when they know I'm not in a relationship, they'll jump to one of either two conclusions. A: he's gay. B: I'm ugly. *facepalm* And yes, the girls I know really are like that. So what do I say?
"Yeah, I'm just in a hard place emotionally right now, and I don't have the mental resources to take care of a girlfriend with all that stuff going on. But I would like if we could just stay friends, and I hope that I can count on you if I ever need someone to talk to, because I like talking to you."
No, mostly I just ignored them, pretended to not see their hints and let them get bored. I felt like the worst person on earth for doing that, though. Still do.
Anyway, what I'm getting at...I don't like people to see me as gay, because I don't see myself that way. I think this aspect of the whole deal will bother my parents, though ^^'
~Moi
