What's your greatest fear?

[Annie Social]

What scares you the most? What can bring you to tears with just a thought?

Mine is a consequence of the fact that, although I want it, I will probably never be able to afford surgery. I have for the most part accepted that, but every so often an images comes to me that plunges me into the deepest, darkest despair. Sometimes it's a nightmare, other times simply a waking thought.

The image is one of me, many years from now, lying in a hospital bed. The end is near; there's not much time left. My hair has been cut, my makeup taken away, and the doctors and nurses all are calling me "mister" and "he". I try to plead with them, but my voice is too weak to make myself understood.  My eyes close, but I can still hear them talking. "What was he trying to tell us?", one of the nurses asks.

The room fades away, and is replaced with an image of my tombstone, with my male name on it. The inscription reads, "He wanted more."

Annie

[Dersi]

Lonelyness

[Chaunte]

Losing my children.

Chaunte

[taylor]

ok, this is an easy one.

1. My daughter dying...that just freaks me out!

2. My wife dying...that would freak me out!

3. Being put in prison . I actually heard a talk radio show for men in LA where men called in about this, apparently i am not alone, but I bet some of my reasons are different!! lol

4. Me being in a car wreck and someone taking my cloths off while I was knocked out and saying what the hell is this, let "it" die!

5. Someone cutting my nut out, I always had to make doctors promise when I had to have a surgery to promise NOT to take it...they looked at me horrified lol....but i was damn serious!


Peace,
Taylor

PS Jaded, hang in there bro, you will amaze yourself if you do I can actually promise you that!

[Mario]

Losing one of my children

                       

[Melissa]

This is a tough one as I have already overcome some of my greatest fears.  Let's see:

Children dying.
Not being accepted as a woman (unfounded so far).
Oh, being beaten up or beaten to death for being TS (I don't let this stop me though).
Probably the biggest one at the moment is being fired from my job after coming out.

To be honest, I don't let fear control me.  I have faced my fears and that's probably why I'm so much happier now than I've ever been.  I used to live with many hidden fears about being TS, but I have been facing everyone within the last year and as I face each one and realize there was nothing to fear in the first place, I feel great.  I still have other fears, but the list keeps growing smaller.

Melissa

[LostInTime]

Not being able to afford surgery is very depressing to me as well and is a big fear of mine.  Without surgery I cannot change my name or gender on my birth certificate and that means being constantly outed for the rest of my life.  Which could lead to me being stuck at my current employer until I drop dead or retire (prefer to drop dead before retiring to be honest).

However, the biggest one is being targeted by a psycho again.  The first time I actually placed myself between one and another person but there seem to be enough of his ilk to go around.  I still keep a gun next to me when I sleep and one is with me whenever I travel.  I only feel safe enough to sleep when I am with other people and in a familiar place.

[Chynna]

That mans Inhumanity to man will ultimatly lead to its own self-destruction.

Lonelyness

One many TS's share baby! Including myself.

oh and CLOWNS....Spooky!?


Chynna-Doll

[Kate]

Hmmm... I think hurting someone, especially someone I love (though anyone really), would be my biggest day-to-day fear.

I don't mind making someone mad or annoying them... but HURTING them... is so hard to deal with. I don't want to BE that person who COULD or WOULD do that.

Abandonment runs a close second. The thoughts of being totally alone, homeless, abandoned, no job, no support, nowhere to turn. Life is so good right now (aside from the TSism angst) - it makes me conscious of how quickly it could all be gone.

Gee, wonder why transitioning is such a hard decision for me to make?

[Sheila]

I have read this thread many times and I'm trying really hard to think up a fear that I might have. I have in the past had all the fears that all of you have had, but I have faced them all, except the prison one and now that I'm post op will be placed in a womans prison if by chance I do something wrong. For most of my life I have been a loner and yes I am married but she is the only true friend I have. I guess if she left me that would be a fear, but being a person who was raised alone or I should say that I have had to make my own decisions at a young age, the fear of her leaving would be devastating for a while but I would get over it like most people do. I guess the fact is that I'm kind of a cold person who has tried to be warm hearted but always get put back in her place. I have no fears. Everyone knows that I'm a transsexual and I don't have anything to hide. Not afraid of death, tried that and will accept my fate.
Sheila

[stephb]

Losing the love of my wife and children and ending my life alone. I can't think of anything else that I fear more than this.

Steph

[Chynna]

3. Being put in prison . I actually heard a talk radio show for men in LA where men called in about this, apparently i am not alone, but I bet some of my reasons are different!! lol

been down that road to it aint pretty!!!
Especially when everyone including the prision officials\guards want to have sex with you and there really no one to run to or tell.
It is in itself a living hell...

VALID FEAR

the only true prision is in your mind!
Chynna

[NightAngel]

exactly the same as Annie, specially this part ''tombstone, with my male name on it'' .


* *

Michelle

[Jillieann Rose]

I copied Stephb except I added grandchildren.

Losing the love of my wife, children, grandchildren and ending my life alone. This is my worst fear.

Another fear I have is waking up and finding that I've lost myself (Jillieann) and that I'm back to being that empty shell of a male that I once was.
It makes me shiver just to think of it.

This is too depressing.
Jillieann

[jan c]

Definitely imprisonment, at any level.

[stephanie_craxford]

That mans Inhumanity to man will ultimatly lead to its own self-destruction.

I'm afraid that is unavoidable.  I think that it is inevitable that with or without us the world as we know it will end sooner or later.

oh and CLOWNS....Spooky!?

Aha you and Kramer who would have thunk.

Steph


Posted at: June 11, 2006, 12:18:15 AMThat's easy, loosing my daughter, and loosing my partner.

First of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

Steph

[Kate]

Another fear I have is waking up and finding that I've lost myself ...

My very worst fear is falling asleep, allowing the fog of this world to engulf me completely... oblitering all memory of who I am/was and what my purpose was for coming here.

The thing is, I'm getting really, really tired... this goofy dream has been going on for SO long.

[Dennis]

I've been thinkin on this thread since it was posted. I love sleeping. Could do it all day.

My biggest fear is screwing up, especially at work. I take on huge responsibilities at work and missing a deadline, forgetting a very important case (I have about 100 on the go at any given time, so that's not as weird as it sounds), they terrify me. I am so dependent on my secretary to remind me of stuff that if I missed something and she missed something, we could totally screw someone's life up. And money couldn't make up for it. The stuff we deal with is parenting, child protection, criminal charges. Messing up there can cost people in ways that can't be measured financially.

If I thought about this too much it would drive me batty. But sometimes I feel like I'm juggling with people's lives.

Dennis

[Melissa]

My very worst fear is falling asleep, allowing the fog of this world to engulf me completely... oblitering all memory of who I am/was and what my purpose was for coming here.

The thing is, I'm getting really, really tired... this goofy dream has been going on for SO long.

You should watch the movie "Dark City".



I've thought more about this thread.  My fears match most women.  I'm afraid of getting attacked when I'm out.  I'm afraid of somebody raping me.  I'm afraid of mass embarrassment (such as being outed in front of a large group of people).  Still this does nto stop me from living life, it just helps me be more cautious.

Melissa

[stephanie_craxford]

...
My biggest fear is screwing up, especially at work. I take on huge responsibilities at work and missing a deadline, forgetting a very important case (I have about 100 on the go at any given time, so that's not as weird as it sounds), they terrify me. I am so dependent on my secretary to remind me of stuff that if I missed something and she missed something, we could totally screw someone's life up. And money couldn't make up for it. The stuff we deal with is parenting, child protection, criminal charges. Messing up there can cost people in ways that can't be measured financially.
...

My brother visited a couple weeks ago and we were talking about our own jobs and the work that we do.  He is a lawyer with legal aid and he was telling me how he must deal with those same issues that you have discribed, but more importantly he discribed how he fears those same things you do.

Steph