The typical life of a TS

[Melissa]

This is my understanding of the typical life of a MTF transsexual, which varies a bit from what they say in books.  Some items may not be applicable to some individuals, but I think that many will fit the majority of these.

- At around 5-7 years old, you know something is wrong with your gender.  A few people will know why, but most won't.
- You have at least a few friends with girls, but depending on the person, it may be all friends or just a few.
- Around the age of 10, you start crossdressing and experimenting with wearing women's clothing.  Usually the interest is center around undergarments and possibly dresses or skirts.
- As you're growing up, you realize how boys are supposed to act and even if it doesn't feel natural, you learn how to do it anyway. If you don't you will be ostracized by the other boys.
- During your teen years, if you are not already aware, you become aware that the gender of your brain is different that the gender of your body.
- You constantly look at other girls and are jealous of them.
- Once you get out of highschool, you decide to do the role of being very masculine.  Maybe you can overcome this.
- You join the military because it is a masculine career and you will be forced to not be able to deal with gender issues.
- You get married and have 2 or 3 kids.
- During this whole time, you have been dressing in women's clothes and possibly thought of yourself as a crossdresser.
- You come across something that makes you decide to look at your gender issues a little closer.
- You realize that you are transsexual and decide to come out of denial.
- You go through a period of research and readjustment.
- You start transition.

Maybe this will help some people that are wondering whether or not they are "typical", because what you read in books does not quite fit this.  Some people may realize they are TS sooner than others, some will repeat steps, some will skip steps, but most people hit a majority of these.

Melissa

[heatherrose]

Melissa!
Stop following me around, from what you wrote it appears that you have been doing it my entire life. Stop it or I will be forced to take drastic measures to ensure that you are no longer able to do so.

[Ellissa Ray]

Seriously! Except for the military, getting married, and having kids, however i did seriously think about joining the airforce and was engaged... And here I was under the impression I was not "typical"

[Melissa]

And here I was under the impression I was not "typical"

That's exactly one of the reason I started this thread.  What I listed is mostly based on my own personal life combined with the stories I have heard from hundreds of other transsexuals.  It took me a while to realize that I was much more typical than I originally thought.  ...and the 2 above responses were exactly what I was hoping for.

Melissa

[Kimberly]

^*ponder* lets see

- At around 5-7 years old, you know something is wrong with your gender.  A few people will know why, but most won't.

Check. ReLearning life was an adventure let me tell you, in a good way!

- You have at least a few friends with girls, but depending on the person, it may be all friends or just a few.

Uh, friends. Er...

- Around the age of 10, you start crossdressing and experimenting with wearing women's clothing.  Usually the interest is center around undergarments and possibly dresses or skirts.

I was wearing jewelry long before this age, does that count?

'Typical crossdressing' though I do not qualify, tried on a one piece swimsuit once, almost killed myself after. ^*shrug* I have very much wanted to wear skits and dresses and things all of my life though.

- As you're growing up, you realize how boys are supposed to act and even if it doesn't feel natural, you learn how to do it anyway. If you don't you will be ostracized by the other boys.

Yea, lets just say "bad childhood experience". I still find I am having problems walking freely.

- During your teen years, if you are not already aware, you become aware that the gender of your brain is different that the gender of your body.

Check. "If perfect clone bodies were available I would do that." ^*sigh* Hindsight as they say.

- You constantly look at other girls and are jealous of them.

^*giggle* Jealous also.

- Once you get out of highschool, you decide to do the role of being very masculine.  Maybe you can overcome this.

When I was growing up I never did figure out how to behave really, I ended up going the opposite; Complete rebel, abby normal, that sort of thing.

- You join the military because it is a masculine career and you will be forced to not be able to deal with gender issues.

I considered it a time or two, but I've always had this issue with authority...

- You get married and have 2 or 3 kids.

Does desire count?

- During this whole time, you have been dressing in women's clothes and possibly thought of yourself as a crossdresser.

Nup. Just thought of myself as odd is all.

- You come across something that makes you decide to look at your gender issues a little closer.

Check.

- You realize that you are transsexual and decide to come out of denial.

Check.

- You go through a period of research and readjustment.

Check, only logical after all.

- You start transition.

My "start transition" was when the 'came out of denial' part happened.


Interesting.

[Dersi]

Seriously! Except for the military, getting married, and having kids, however i did seriously think about joining the airforce and was engaged... And here I was under the impression I was not "typical"

Ditto

[Sarah Louise]

I pretty much agree with what you say Melissa.  Although, the Army wasn't my choice, the draft was still in effect when I reached that age and I got drafted at 21.

Luckily people today have it somewhat easier, information is available to them now, they can find out what there condition is.

They don't have to go through as much self doubt and guilt as earlier generatins did.

Sarah L.

[Melissa]

Luckily people today have it somewhat easier, information is available to them now, they can find out what there condition is.

They don't have to go through as much self doubt and guilt as earlier generatins did.

Very true and quite possibly why I'm transitioning at 28 and not feeling as guilty about it as others.

Melissa

[stacey]

Seriously! Except for the military, getting married, and having kids, however i did seriously think about joining the airforce and was engaged... And here I was under the impression I was not "typical"

I agree whole heartedly!

[stephanie_craxford]

Seriously! Except for the military, getting married, and having kids, however i did seriously think about joining the airforce and was engaged... And here I was under the impression I was not "typical"

"typical"! Nah you're unique

Steph

[Jillieann Rose]

Not me Melissa. But Im not normal never was and never will be, but that okay.
I just call myself a late bloomer.
Yes I did dress up in mom's clothes and later my wifes.
I didn't have a clue that I was trans till age 54. So I not only have kids but grandkids.
Yes most of my friends were and still are female. Never cared for sport so in high school joined the drama club, lots of girls in the club. Never went in the miltary. After college I married my high school sweet heart.
Was never jealous of girls until recently. 

You come across something that makes you decide to look at your gender issues a little closer.
You realize that you are transsexual and decide to come out of denial.
You go through a period of research and readjustment.

Yes to the above and still working on the later.

So I guess you should call me Abby. Abby Normal that is.

Abby Normal Jillieann 

[Kate]

"typical"! Nah you're unique

Just like everyone else, lol...

[Melissa]

So I guess you should call me Abby. Abby Normal that is.

Abby Normal Jillieann 

Abby...  I like it.    It fits you.

Melissa

[Elizabeth]

Melissa,

Even though it is so difficult to quantify what any "typical" experience might be, it seems you have done so.  Most of the items on your list apply to me. The years may be off here and there, and like you said, not everything applies to everyone, but overall it seems the majority of TS's have experienced a majority of the things on your list.

It's interesting that we all experience transsexuality in our own way, yet have so many things in common with each other.  I really had no idea that so many TS's experience was so much like mine.  I am also surprised to find out that I also am not nearly as unique as I once thought.  I find it very comforting to know that.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Melissa]

I'm glad to hear that Elizabeth.  I tried to take a guess at some of the years and I may have done a better job if I hadn't spent only 5 minutes typing that up and had compared notes with others.  I used my own life as a basis and included things that I kept hearing over and over from others.  Especially when I heard people mention many of these things and then say that they weren't "typical", which is actually one thing I told my last therapist when I started seeing her.  Now I realize I was much more typical than I thought.

Melissa

[Kate]

What a great compilation... I'd agree that these are the things I most often hear reported.

For myself, it's the *differences* though that I find interesting - even disturbing. No crossdressing until my late 20s, for example. I did other things though... one of the creepier ones being I'd tear out full-page cosmetic ads of women's faces, cut holes in the eyes, and look at myself in the mirror... literally seeing myself through her eyes... wishing I could BE her. Creepy... but creative for a child, lol. It's funny though, back then I just never connected female clothing with being/seeming female. Now I feel like I missed out on a whole lotta fun, lol...

Other minor differences are no kids, no military (though I'm fascinated by their toys), no hyper-masculine pursuits, and no "coming out of denial" experience other than realizing that I needed to do more than wait, hope, and pray if I ever wanted to be female.

But yes, what a great idea. So many people think they're the only ones with such "crazy" thoughts.

[Melissa]

...and no "coming out of denial" experience other than realizing that I needed to do more than wait, hope, and pray if I ever wanted to be female.

I never said it was one particular experience, and some may come out of denial quicker than others.  If I remember right, you were in denial for quite a while.  (Hey, that rhymes ).

Melissa

[Kate]

I never said it was one particular experience, and some may come out of denial quicker than others.  If I remember right, you were in denial for quite a while.  (Hey, that rhymes ).

I deny that I was in denial! lol...

But seriously, I'm just saying the "You realize that you are transsexual and decide to come out of denial" didn't apply to me. I never had that experience. By at least four I was playing with the neighbor girls and wishing I was (like) them. Nothing vague about it. "I want to be a girl!" was my foremost thought then, and still is. My denial was in avoiding the fact for forty years that one day I'd actually have to DO something about this more than just wish and hope and pray.

I don't know what I expected... magic spell, scientific breakthrough... I dunno. But I honestly figured SOMEthing would come along and FIX me if I was patient.

Why hast thou forsaken me? <shakes fists at heaven... or faerieland... whomever is home at the moment>

[Melissa]

If you weren't in denial, then why did you get married?  Did you consciously think "I am a woman and now I'm marrying another woman"?  Did your wife know you were transsexual during the entire time you knew her?  I'm sure there must have been some degree of denial.

Melissa

[Kate]

If you weren't in denial, then why did you get married?  Did you consciously think "I am a woman and now I'm marrying another woman"?  Did your wife know you were transsexual during the entire time you knew her?  I'm sure there must have been some degree of denial.

You'll notice in another thread, I never really got philosphically complicated with all this - I didn't think I "was" a woman, only that I wanted to BE one physically.

I met my wife and fell hopelessly in love. I'd survived that far not *doing* anything about my desire, and the options (HRT & SRS) didn't seem very practical in my case, so I figured I'd just go on enduring it forever. What else COULD I do? I didn't want to miss out on life, pining away for an impossible wish. And hey, maybe the need and desire would fade over time, being buried under the weight of my new life?

Remember, I got married back in 1990. I didn't have access to internet forums and lists to discuss all this. I had no idea about the progression of this "disease," the seeming inevitability of a desire to transition. If I knew then what I know now, I probably would have made more responsible choices. Maybe. I dunno, kids don't always think very far ahead.

But yes, wanting to be female is one of two contants that have always clearly haunted every thought I've ever had. I don't remember ever NOT thinking about it... and I remember crawling out of my crib on a few occasions

I told my wife before we got married, but she now swears that I didn't stress the depth of my problem... that I left her with the impression it was just an occasional fancy. Of course, it took about 30 seconds to tell her I wanted to be female, and another four hours to convince her I wasn't saying I was gay, so... it may have gotten lost in there somewhere.