do you fear yourself?

[Alyssa M.]

I try to leave the fear of me to other people.  >

~Alyssa

[Dizzy]

Oh yes, the fear of never being content. I think its said best in one of my favorite songs

"To Reflect is to Regret"

And I reflect far too much...

(song:http://youtube.com/watch?v=RPaQVTSzhA4)
<<With a thousand words to say but one... by Darkest Hour! Careful its screamy but look for the harmony in the chaos and you will find the beauty in my favorite music ^^>>

[Carolyn]

I fear that darkness I created a long time ago in me "Ryu"

[Lisbeth]

I fear that darkness I created a long time ago in me "Ryu"

Reminds me of A Wizard of Earthsea.

[mr_marc]

I do sometimes, because i can be quite aggressive if im angery.
But i'm no where near as bad as i used to be.
I've calmed down alot over the past year.

[tekla]

What fear I have of myself I use to temper my decisions, but I'm far more afraid of other persons than myself.

[V M]

I use to fear myself and sometimes still do. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see a demon that wants to kill me. I'm doing better now though. Therapy and coming here to talk, joke and visit with others has helped allot

[cindybc]

Nichole

Fear myself. Not so much. I did for a long time, doing stuff that was simply too risky and just plain death-wishy. (I know that's not a word.)

Honestly, I love life way to much to go back there again.

My words exactly.

I am quite happy and at peace with who I am and the life I'm living today, way better then the mess I came from. I enjoy exceptionally good health for my age and I am grateful for that and thank Great Spirit. That don't mean I don't worry about rebounds from my past (death wishy) actions, but so far so good, just a touch of arthritis now and gain, otherwise I am as healthy as a horse.

I don't get angry and I avoid aggressive confrontations but I do get upset and disappointed about things at times. I usually take it out in tears, wonderful thing tears, it is a luxury to be sure, and it is a ladies prerogative to use them. Like for bleeding out the poison that can sometimes saturate the inner self with emotional chaos. But never anger. Anger is a waste of time and it is insidiously corrosive to the soul.

Cindy

[V M]

I don't often feel angry, more depressed. It's more of a disappointment or dissatisfaction with myself and the world around me. And allot of physical pain. I don't do as much "Death Wishy" stuff like I did when I was younger. Maybe I'm just bored to death and miss the adventure of it all. Dead people have no worries...

[JD]

I fear my lack of concern more then my lack of control.

I'd have to agree there, I'm not afraid of anything actually, so I might end up doing something stupid just for lacking any concern what might happen if I do it. But actually, I've always found my way out, so why bother?

[BlueAndYellow]

I don't really fear myself though I know what I am capable to do...
There was a nice statements a person I see as an idol in some ways said: "you can't be afraid of people who are willing to hurt you, because if you fear life, you will never live!"
I think there is some truth in it, even when it comes to oneself.

[Ferretty]

Yes, it stems from a few things.. Once when I was a little kid it's really fuzzy but I hurt somebody. Intentionally. Full knowing the repercussions and what physical anguish I would cause that person. Didn't even regret it at the time. I am afraid that buried somewhere under my moral standings that there is something stowed away somewhere that I never want to see. When I can something up for a while it gets hazy and I get really really mad, it's been at least 4 years since it last happened, but I again tried to intentionally severely hurt someone. It's almost like feeling behind all the smart calculations emotions that behind all that there's someone deadly sitting in wait, looking for the chance... If you know stein from soul eater then basically the scene with Medusa And Kishin (trying to keep it spoiler free)... Wow that got dark

[V M]

I actually do fear myself quite a bit, but I tend to try to ignore it and avoid talking about it    But yeah, it's pretty much a daily wrestling match for me to avoid contemplating my suicidal ideations

The combination of anxiety, depression, self loathing and the constant physical pain of injuries incurred make it pretty difficult to cope

It probably would have been better if I died in one of the accidents, the past 20 years have been shear hell for the most part

I'm just thankful for the few friends I've had, I probably would have been dead several years ago without them

[Sydney Spitfire]

I do fear myself as I recently discovered things deep within myself I didn't know that really scared me as I had my first brushes with mental illness and that scares me as i don't know if it's going to progress or if other things will come up.

[infinity]

i definitely fear myself.

[Cyber Warrior]

I'm afraid of the darkness that is in me. Not even trying to be melodramatic I fear that sometimes that I could be evil on the inside and I am afraid of what I could possibly become.

[WindyRevelations]

Good thought provoking question.

Yes, I fear myself very much. In middle school I began to have obsessive thoughts that drove me insane. It was OCD without compulsions. Every moment in my head was like constant torment. I had to drown out sound. I cried close to everyday. I became very depressed and more anxious (I've had anxiety since I was three). I remember not even being able to stay at a restaurant. I felt so ashamed for what I put my family through. I felt crazy.

After taking zoloft, I was more or less stable. I still have anxiety though and have been suicidal a few times. There are times I literally get the urge to rip my skin open. If the zoloft stopped working and there was no other drug, I swear I would have to be in a mental institution. So yes, I greatly fear myself and my mind. Because when times are hard, I will seek to destroy myself. Without drugs, I can't even withstand my own mind. But that's just how it is.

[Cyber Warrior]

OMG WindyRevelations I know exactly how you feel. I've been suffering from intrusive OCD thoughts ever since I was a kid. Had suicidal thoughts several times and had two intense mental breakdowns. Even on medicine  and therapy the thoughts never go away they just become tolerable.

[WindyRevelations]

OMG WindyRevelations I know exactly how you feel. I've been suffering from intrusive OCD thoughts ever since I was a kid. Had suicidal thoughts several times and had two intense mental breakdowns. Even on medicine  and therapy the thoughts never go away they just become tolerable.

Yes, exactly. I can withstand the repetitive thoughts now, but they are always there in the background. I don't think there is a day where I don't think of it at least once. I'm so grateful for modern medicine and psychology.

[Skyler]

I think sometimes I do as my mind can get to a very dark place. However, over the past year that has changed drastically and I've very much been able to "reclaim" my self. I'm stronger and happier than I have ever been...it really is a process and struggle that takes time to mend.