When you look in the mirror...

[stephanie_craxford]

Mirror, mirror on the wall what the heck are you looking at me for?  Gill say's that I'm lucky I'm not a vampire, as it would drive me crazy not to be able to see my reflection   I guess I am a little obsessive.

So the big question is ....

When you look in the mirror what do you see?

Steph

[Jillieann Rose]

When I use to look in the mirror I would see this guy that occasionally trying to look like a woman. I didn't like looking at him.
But now I see a woman who makes herself look passable as a male for work.
It a 100% change and I love it. I'm still working on the large pores and the bags under the eyes. The only things I don't really like are what is between my legs. It's just all wrong. My bra size is A not good but with the right padding I can make them look like B's. I got a good bum (butt) and if I wear the right cloths my hips look okay.
So all in all I almost like what I see know.
Like you Steph my wife also says I'm obsessive about how I look.

Jillieann

[Melissa]

When I look in the mirror, I see me.  I see a female most of the time, but occasionally a very feminine guy.  Like you Stephanie, I look at myself in the mirror a lot.  Why? I like seeing the changes.

Melissa

[Nero]

During puberty, mirrors were my worst enemy, no the shower was.
All reflective surfaces were covered up.
But now you can't pry me away from the mirror.
This is really bizarre, but over the last two years the man in me is coming out more and more physically and I looked in the mirror one day and saw the person I am when I'm asleep - the same person I always was in my dreams and knew I couldn't deny this any longer.
So today, when I look in the mirror I definitely see a man staring back (albeit one with breasts and a high voice).
I like what I see, except it's time for another haircut, and a beard wouldn't hurt either.

Nero

[Chaunte]

It depends on what mode I am in...

In male mode, I usually don't look in the mirror.  On the rare occassion that I do, I see me aching to break free.  I am very stoic when I see my male-mode reflection.

When I am being me and look in the mirror, I see a woman at peace with herself.  Confident.  Self assured.  Ready to take on the world and win.

Chaunte

[Robyn]

I see a 69 year-old woman who just doesn't feel that old.  Even the fact that she might not have much hair until her clothes are on doesn't bother me.  Having had cancer, I can always claim cehmo gone bad.  (Only my husband, my dermatologist, and my hairdresser ever see that part of my head.)

I also see someone who is very comfortable in all but 10 pounds of her body, the 10 pounds that will go bye bye once I can go home and live life my way again.

And when its a full length mirror, I see a body that is Correct.

Robyn

[HelenW]

When I see that guy in the mirror I shudder and sigh before turning away.

When I look in the mirror and see my self I usually think, "Not too bad but .  .   ." and sometimes I think, "WOW!  I never realized I could look THIS good!"  Those are the days I wish I had a digital camera.

Unfortunately the latter circumstance is all too rare. 

helen

[Chynna]

WHOA......

pandora your box!

What do I C?

in this exact order:
Pain, suffering, depression, hope, flaws, sickness, lonelieness,Damian, Love, Passion, A pretty man!LOL, a beautiful woman and I finally end up at ME Chynna

All though the BF usually interupts me somewhere around depression & lonelieness...which is where all the good stuff comes in...
He knows my mind wonders when I am in front of the looking glass!
but I love mirrors...I dont know why?

Chynna

[Kaitlyn]

Mirrors... I think I have some bizarre love/hate obsession with them. I look in them more than is healthy, I think.

When I'm down, when things seem bleak, I'll look in the mirror and despair. I see... something. In my mind, I cannot see myself as male but neither can I feel truly female. I'm something in between--a tired lost one, teetering on a razor's edge of hope, searching for the solution.

But other times, I gaze into the mirror and I see the glimmers of possibility. While the image is only faint, it holds fleeting visions of potential: something to latch my dreams onto. And I begin to wonder... dare I hope? And should I find the strength to sow the seeds, just maybe I'll be able to nurture my dreams as they blossom into reality. Then when I step back into 'now', I am reminded that this is me no matter what I look like or what others think, and I can never again put the genie back into the bottle. I am not a man or male, and never was. And though in my mind, I know I am not quite on the other side yet, I can make my way. After all, as the feminist Simone de Beauvoir once wrote, "One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman." And for me, that will be true in more ways than one.

~Kaitlyn

[Kate]

But other times, I gaze into the mirror and I see the glimmers of possibility. While the image is only faint, it holds fleeting visions of potential: something to latch my dreams onto. And I begin to wonder... dare I hope?

"I saw an angel in the marble and I carved until I set her free" - Michaelangelo

I see pleading. I see dispair. I see fear.

But I also see love. Laughter. A wink and a smile.

And most of all: Hope.

[wolfie]

like a lot of replies to this post, i also had a "how i used to look at myself" which has changed quite a bit over the past 5 years even though i'm still pre T.

i used to look at myself and pick everything apart when i was first starting to learn what it really means to be a man (that's another post all together!). "i need a more defined jaw line. why are my eyelashes so long, that's why people think i look female (when i realize now that all of the men in my family have that). my hair isn't masculine enough..." etc.

i'm not entirely sure what changed and when (although i know it was gradual), but now even though sometimes i feel not too hot about how i look, i've become quite a big fan of mirrors. loving that fact that i'm working out and my muscle build is that of a mans, just how it should be.

i believe that a reason why a lot of trans people really like looking in the mirror after a while is because for so long the reflection didn't match up. but once at a certain point of self-confidence and passing, it's much easier to look at ones self in the mirror and say "hey there you good looking guy/girl you!"... or something along those lines!

-Tino-

[Jennifer72]

When I look in the mirror I see me as a man, yet when I stare for a while I can see the woman.If there is facial hair present, I will grimace and sigh. I look in mirrors all the time, perhaps too much, caught in my own reflection. If I look int the mirror when the room is candle-lit, I see me, the woman staring back at me in full detail. Those are the times that I love, when I see the woman who stares back at me from the mirror.  Those are the times my mind becomes tranquil and I can see the lovely smile come forth.

Jennifer

[Dennis]

I see me, finally. After all these years. I look tired. I always look tired, but I guess I deserve to be given what it's taken to be me.

I like looking in a mirror these days.

Dennis

[Elizabeth]

Hi everyone,

When I look in the mirror I see Elizabeth.  Don't matter how I am dressed or even if I am dressed at all.  What you see in my avater is what I see when I look in the mirror, no matter what, that is what my brain registers.  Being in the open has been the happiest two years of my entire life.  I like seeing me happy, there were so many years that I thought I would never be happy.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Night Scream]

For me mirrors are sometimes my friends and others an enemy.
I see on them half of the time this 25 r old girl wearing male clothing and others i see a femenized male.
Yet both have long mid shoulder lengh hair as my wig.. even when i'm not wearing it..

[michelle]

When I look in the mirror I see, ME.  Whoever that is?

[Melissa]

why are my eyelashes so long, that's why people think i look female (when i realize now that all of the men in my family have that).

Same deal for my family.  My Dad, brother, me, my son and daughter all have long lashes.  I love having that now.  I don't even have to wear mascara.

Melissa

[Gregori]

I do not look in the mirror unless I can absolutely avoid it.  I avoid catching my reflection in glass like the plague.  I have learned to live, dress, and so forth without looking in a mirror.  Other than very few exceptions, I have not looked in a mirror in close to a year.

I am FtM in crisis.  I cannot bear to see the reflection of the body I wear.  It is not ME.

[Nero]

Gregori,
Do you bind? I recently started binding a few days ago, and now I can't stay out of the mirror.
Before, I liked my reflection, but I would cringe if I caught that "breast profile" when I passed a mirror or glass. No man wants to have breasts. With the breasts bound, I can really see myself the way I am supposed to look and can't help but say to myself "Nero, you are such a stud!"
I didn't think binding would make a difference and I held off because I remembered the discomfort of it from my puberty days, but if you get the correct size it is no less comfortable than a sports bra.
It makes all the difference in the world, it really does.

Nero

[Gregori]

Gregori,
Do you bind? I recently started binding a few days ago, and now I can't stay out of the mirror.
Before, I liked my reflection, but I would cringe if I caught that "breast profile" when I passed a mirror or glass. No man wants to have breasts. With the breasts bound, I can really see myself the way I am supposed to look and can't help but say to myself "Nero, you are such a stud!"
I didn't think binding would make a difference and I held off because I remembered the discomfort of it from my puberty days, but if you get the correct size it is no less comfortable than a sports bra.
It makes all the difference in the world, it really does.

Nero

I have thought of it, however, I am "blessed" with double D's.  Fibrous at that.  Binding sufficient to make them invisible would not be possible, I do not think.  I am going to try though... maybe that would be "trainable".

Also, this body looks female in face and general shape.

Even if I could make this 5'6" body look more masculine, it is not going to turn into the 6'2" male I know and feel I am.  I know how I am supposed to look and without major alterations and surgery, plus a bit of magic, I am not going to manage that one.

I am in such a mess that I cringe at the thought of showering, I avoid looking "down" for any reason, I do not even look at "my" hands when I type.

Bless this life!