"Just a phase", or the "real deal"?

[Lutin]

Hey people,

I have a (rather lengthy) question that I *really* need help with please... (it takes a while to get the question part. And if I offend anyone, I'm really sorry, I don't mean to!).

Since I found Susan's I've become a lot more accepting (I think that's the right word) of being transgendered, and I've even been thinking of telling Mum (even though I've kept saying I won't). The thing is, though, I don't want to tell her that I'm transgendered/gender fluid etc. if it's only a 'phase' sort of thing. I haven't felt properly feminine (whatever that may be) for years, and I have been wondering since I was about eleven or twelve why that is, and wishing I could be male...but having found this place, I'm not sure...I don't know if it's a 'power of suggestion' thing, in that finding people who have similar feelings and issues makes me feel like I'm TG when in fact I may not be but just have other issues, or if I am actually TG...

I guess the problem is, how do you tell (can you tell?) if something's "just a phase", or if it's the real thing? I feel like I'm transgender and belong here, but I don't want to tell Mum and six months down the track realize it was just some short identity crisis...I've been having problems with depression, too, which probably isn't helping all that much, but yeah...I know that categorizing oneself has benefits and downfalls, and so while the labels transgender/gender fluid seem to fit perfectly, I don't want to 'give' myself a particular label and tell people this only to realize in a couple of months that it was the *wrong* label...

Does that make any sense?  (Sorry it's not that well written, I wanted to get everything down and post it before I either decided to delete it all or forgot half of what I wanted to say).

Thanks everyone,


Lutin

[NicholeW.]

Self-discovery is never a bad idea, Lutin. Its all part of the process we have when we are human. Unless we abdicate from that process. Usually that abdication seems like it causes more problems than the self-discovery causes. So, I'd say you are on the right track.

I believe that you are perfectly okay in having doubts, or your story not fitting hand-in-glove with everyone else's stories. We are usually very different people with different backgrounds and insights, or lack of them, into our lives. That you are hesitant to forge ahead with telling people you are this or that seems smart to me.

Often people do find us 'going through a phase.' It's an easy and tried way to dismiss what others are feeling when we are not particularly comfortable with what they feel. So, to postpone or totally remove a need for such conversations seems smart.

When it comes to finding one's self there are no 'right' or 'wrong' answers, only the ones that apply to you. If this site is helping you do that, then it seems to me like we are doing what we are here for. No problem with that.

To me your post makes perfect sense and I find it positive that you question yourself. Way to go!! It seems like a fabulous way to discover answers for one's self.

Hugs,

Nichole

[Nero]

Hi hon. I think anyone who has experienced gender dysphoria for a long period of time is probably transgendered in some way. I doubt it's just a phase if you've had discomfort in your assigned gender since childhood.

[Osiris]

You're going to wonder until you do something about it, trust me I've been back and forth on this for many years. If you feel like you're Transgender then accept it and move forward. If somewhere down the line you find out that it was just a phase then you can stop and [EDIT: *hates the post button*] and move forward with what you've found out about yourself.

The worst that can happen is that you'll have to admit that you were wrong and find a new path.

[Lori]

Only you can answer your own question. You can ask questions that may relate but as far as that final "Am I transgendered?" That's all up to you.

I would refrain from telling anybody if you are not or not going to do anything about it. Once its out they will never look at you the same.

If you have wondered since the age of 5 or 6, always wanted to be a girl and now you are older and feeling the same way its probably not a phase. Phases last a couple weeks or a couple of months. When you start talking decades its a problem. Not a phase lol.

If you are 21 and transgendered, by the time you are in your mid 30's you will be going insane. This problem gets worse and more intense as you get older. I'd kill to be 21 again and figuring this all out.

[Lutin]

Merci, mes amis!

Ah, life would be boring if it were simple.

[Elincubus]

Hi Lutin, I've just now discovered your thread, but I still wanted to answer because I can relate to your situation and your feelings a lot. Mine are quite similar.

I can especially relate to the 'not want to tell until I'm completely sure'-thing, but in my case I've found that most of the doubts I have can be simply traced back to fear--I wonder if this is right if I really want to be a man and understand what that means, but if I try to think about alternatives it gets obvious.
There is no way I see myself in a future living as a girl or a woman. It's remarkeble that I haven't really done anything yet besides not wearing girl stuff anymore (which actually and strangely nobody ever commented on...), but still I can see no way of going back, as unsure and doubting I might be otherwise going back trying to 'pass' as a girl (yeah, that's what it felt like) is just not an option anymore.
I think that's as much of a prove you can ever get with GID.