Hello Pam,
I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough patch. Children are impressionable at any age and if their fathers' lies are the only truth they think they know, then it is going to be rough going with them for awhile. What you may need to do will not be easy, but you should give them as much time and space they need until such a time comes where they will draw their own conclusions about what is right and what is wrong. I often have to remind the stauchest "Christians" that Jesus' commandment to us was to love one another and not to judge one another. Perhaps that reminder will eventually help them reconsider the problem they seem to have with you.
Please don't hurt yourself. I know from experience that physical pain doesn't alleviate mental anguish. And you really just end up hurting those that care about you, which is exactly what you're trying not to do. Also, I had an anti-depressant once cause me to become suicidal, so you may want to take note of your reactions to these medications that you've mentioned.
It's completely normal for even the best couples to have falling outs in times of stress. It's of the utmost importance that the both of you communicate your feelings to one another and don't shut each other out in an attempt to protect each other.
As far as forgivess goes, you're absolutely right. They don't have to accept your forgiveness, but you will feel better, and be the bigger person by granting it. I know you probably are sick of being the bigger person right now, because it seems to only get you walked on more and more, but it will work out in the end. People will realize that you are doing the mature, right, and respectable thing and that they are being cruel, unsympathetic, manipulative, and immature.
Gill gave you really good advice about getting out for awhile. Maybe you could also get out and meet some new friends. Then there will be others that see first hand the raw deal you've been given and maybe your antagonists will see them, too. People are always on better behavior when they think that others will see them in a poor light.
It is difficult to be comforting through a computer, but I hope that I can help. And even though I post a little erratically, I'm in your corner all the way, Pam!
Of course, it's even more difficult to be encouraging when you've already said it best yourself: What goes around, comes around! They'll get theirs eventually!
Bide your time and hold out hope,
Kelly
