Firing a Therapist?

[sneakersjay]

I've been seeing a therapist for 3 years, since my divorce.  She's helped me sort out a lot of issues regarding my divorce, my siblings, my mother, etc.  But after my recent AHA! moment regarding my gender identity, I came out to her.  She was supportive and said she could continue to counsel me.  But she really isn't well versed in gender identity issues, nor standards of care, nada.  The 3rd visit was very disappointing, where she tried to convince me I should really think hard and long about transitioning (well duh!!) and was kind of negative.  I have since had 2 sessions with a good gender therapist and it's like night and day.  I did see the first therapist yesterday, before my appointment today, and while she was supportive again, she clearly doesn't know much, not what to ask, etc.  I was kind of disappointed that I gave her a contact to get more info (from the guy who gave me my new therapists name) and she didn't contact him at all. 

Anyway, I'm not very screwed up, LOL, and my main issues now are regarding my gender and transitioning, and some other gender related stuff.  I'd like to just see one therapist (I can't afford 2!!).

How do I let the first one go?  Message on machine?  Well thought out letter?  It's not that I don't like her and am not grateful for her help, I just need a different kind of help right now.

Thanks.

Jay

[Sarah Louise]

You have been seeing this person for several years and felt she has helped.  I think a phone call would be the least you could do.  A face to face meeting might be better.

You might actually want something from her in the future.


Sarah L.

[J.T.]

good question 'cause i wanna know this for future reference when i drop my gender therapist.  i've got two and i want to keep my original one.

[NicholeW.]

I don' think anyone needs to feel like they shouldn't leave a therapist who is not, or is no longer, able to ;follow' where the patient is heading. Sounds like your original can't, Jay.

An in-person is a good idea. Although many people decide to simply be no-shows. I'd go in and tell her. After 3 years you should and she should feel enough of a rapport that that will work well.

And just tell her the truth, that you feel you need someone who's done a lot of work with gender-issues.

Good luck with the new therapist, sounds like you've found one you can work with.

Nichole

[Alyssa M.]

I saw a therapist a few years ago when I was dealing with a lot of tough issues in my life, in general, not just gender-related. While she was helpful in getting me through that period, and while I came out to her, we never got very far with regard to gender issues. But that wasn't why I was seeing her -- I wasn't really ready to deal with those issues then anyway. I stopped seeing her after a year, and told her why: my life was back on track, and that even if I was far from totally content, there seemed to be a way forward, and I could proceed well without her.

I'd strongly suggest that you call your therapist to set up a closing session, and tell her why: she's helped you deal with a lot of things you needed to sort through, and now she's done, you don't need her any more. You have some other issues you need to work out, but they're best dealt with through a specialist. I'd recommend that you tell her that you want to stop seeing her before your final session. It will help make it a more useful experience.

~Alyssa

[sneakersjay]

Thanks everyone.  I have an appointment next week scheduled and will talk to her then.  Meanwhile I have an appointment with the gender therapist this week.  Makes sense.

Jay

Posted on: May 19, 2008, 11:19:39 PMI spoke with my original non-gender therapist yesterday and she understood, and figured that I was going to do that.  I only saw her 2x a month and I think the differences in me between visits, thanks to the gender therapist, were hugely obvious.

I also met with another therapist yesterday who runs a support group for ftms and mtfs, and she also was very cool.

Life is good.

Jay

[NicholeW.]

Life is good.

Yes, it is. I'm glad it all worked out well for you, Jay.

N~

[sneakersjay]

Life is good.

Yes, it is. I'm glad it all worked out well for you, Jay.

N~

I guess it was worth the $700 I spent this month between the 3 therapists...but yikes! my bank account is now in the hole!!

Jay