Question for M2Fs and F2Ms both

[findingreason]

Hi everyone, I just had a question for everyone TS here. I am worried about if I go through transition that I will easily be clocked. I have many boys interests still, and know I act boy-like, still. It seems impossible right now in my mind of ever getting to being "passable" behavior-wise. Its been bothering me all day as I found out that I still am boy-like when I am trying to change some aspects of my life, even if a little. It's like there is this invisible barrier up in front of me, that I can't see, but feel its presence, in my mind and socially.

Also, does anybody feel an inferiority complex towards members of the gender you wish to be? I feel inferior around many women, I don't if it's because I feel inferior as a male, or because I was born male and should have been female.

These questions have probably been asked many times before, but I'm too lazy to go searching right now to find them.

[Sheila]

I transitioned at a later age. I was 54 when I had my surgery. I went full time at age 52 and came out to my closest friends and wife at age 49, which is when I started hormones. I was very afraid of going full time as I really don't look very feminine. I'm big and I felt that I would never look like a woman. I have always felt very feminine but with all those years of testosterone running through my body, I had a lot of masculine traits. Starting HRT has helped me in some ways but in other ways there was no help. I have found out that there are woman who have the same traits that I do have and so I'm not the only female who has big shoulders or anything else that I can think up. There are some traits that came very naturally to me as I tried to put them off while growing up. My walk was one of them. I walked with a feminine wiggle if you call it that. I had other traits that I had just stuck back in my memory and they came out so naturally.
  We all worry about being "clocked". When you have transitioned, you will have gone out so many times that you won't care anymore or maybe you look so good that no one will even bat an eye.
  I have never felt that I was more superior or inferior to anyone not to mention gender.

[discarded]

I don't have any complex about it, but I do know that I still have a few feminine traits (I'm F2M). Many of our gender traits are learned, and it can be very hard to 'unlearn' them.

Frankly, I overcompensated and tried to be very masculine when I first started transitioning. I was your typical macho jerk. Now that I've been living as a male for about a decade, I've matured...and though I've always been logical, I came to realize that I was still pretending, despite transitioning. I was just pretending to be at the opposite end of the spectrum. So I quit worrying about it all and now I'm just me. I have masculine behaviors, and feminine ones...but then so do genetic men and women. Sometimes people tag me as being gay...and that's fine, because they tag me as being a gay man.

Some of us just can't help that certain things label you as something. I'm pretty sure I'd still be a neat freak even if I was born a male...just how I was brought up, for example.

[findingreason]

Yeah, it's definitely hard to unlearn them. When I grew up, I was told that nothing was ever "wrong" with me, that I was "normal". So I eventually bought that lie. I always knew something was awkward, just not right, but I didn't know what it was, I was running blindly in the dark trying desperately to find whatever it was. So, I ended up picking up male traits because I didn't deny them, because I didn't realize I was a female at that time. It really bugs me now, that I didn't know sooner. When I look back now, there is so much evidence during my youth that it is just crazy.

[Beyond]

To build on things Discarded said.... words a longtime post-op come to mind.  She wrote:

You will have to learn femininity as rote as tying your shoes or riding a bike. Let the back of your brain take over. It might even seem eerie and alien at first, because for the first time we will actually be ourselves and not some bull->-bleeped-<- image we built to hide behind, but giving up the security blanket of false images will be the first step.

Okay, look beyond that first line and concentrate on the rest.

Trust in yourself and remember:

You are NOT becoming female, you ARE female, you're shedding that facade you used to defend yourself from an unforgiving world.  You had an unusual upbringing and nothing more.  It didn't change you, you are, and always will be, female.  At first your anxiety level will be elevated, but over time you will relax more and more until you forget that you ever lived any other way.  There are all kinds of women out there, don't get caught in the stereotype trap.  That is you have to be a certain way.

Believe in yourself.

Be You.

[jenny_]

Its natural to worry about being clocked, especially early on.  But I honestly don't think that for most people behaviour is that big a give away.  Sure if you're extremely boy-like you'll have difficulties, but every woman is different.  Some woman have so called 'male traits' and have 'boy-interests', and so really if you just act natural you should be fine.  Honestly everyone you meet won't be analysing your behaviour to see if theres any sign of maleness!

I did used to feel inferior around women when i first went full-time (and before i guess). It was just because of low self-esteem (i felt inferior to everyone to be honest) and lack of confidence.  I thought i wouldn't pass well enough, like you, and i was afraid of not being accepted, but honestly hon, confidence will come after you start transition.

Posted on: May 18, 2008, 04:32:01 AM

Trust in yourself and remember:

You are NOT becoming female, you ARE female, you're shedding that facade you used to defend yourself from an unforgiving world.  You had an unusual upbringing and nothing more.  It didn't change you, you are, and always will be, female.  At first your anxiety level will be elevated, but over time you will relax more and more until you forget that you ever lived any other way.  There are all kinds of women out there, don't get caught in the stereotype trap.  That is you have to be a certain way.

Believe in yourself.

Be You.

Beautifully said! 

[findingreason]

To build on things Discarded said.... words a longtime post-op come to mind.  She wrote:

You will have to learn femininity as rote as tying your shoes or riding a bike. Let the back of your brain take over. It might even seem eerie and alien at first, because for the first time we will actually be ourselves and not some bull->-bleeped-<- image we built to hide behind, but giving up the security blanket of false images will be the first step.

Okay, look beyond that first line and concentrate on the rest.

Trust in yourself and remember:

You are NOT becoming female, you ARE female, you're shedding that facade you used to defend yourself from an unforgiving world.  You had an unusual upbringing and nothing more.  It didn't change you, you are, and always will be, female.  At first your anxiety level will be elevated, but over time you will relax more and more until you forget that you ever lived any other way.  There are all kinds of women out there, don't get caught in the stereotype trap.  That is you have to be a certain way.

Believe in yourself.

Be You.

Yeah, I didn't even realize it was a facade for a while, I was blind. It seems like a good idea sometimes to go back to male and just forget everything. But it feels like me in a sense, maybe I am trying to defend a male existence that doesn't exist? Cause, realizing that I am female scares me sometimes, and I want to shut it out with all the force I can from time to time for the very idea. But, like I said, there is just WAY to much in my youth thoughts and occasional behavior that points to it. I feel I need to transition at all cost, even if I lose the family and friends "closest" to me.

Its natural to worry about being clocked, especially early on.  But I honestly don't think that for most people behaviour is that big a give away.  Sure if you're extremely boy-like you'll have difficulties, but every woman is different.  Some woman have so called 'male traits' and have 'boy-interests', and so really if you just act natural you should be fine.  Honestly everyone you meet won't be analysing your behaviour to see if theres any sign of maleness!

I did used to feel inferior around women when i first went full-time (and before i guess). It was just because of low self-esteem (i felt inferior to everyone to be honest) and lack of confidence.  I thought i wouldn't pass well enough, like you, and i was afraid of not being accepted, but honestly hon, confidence will come after you start transition.

I feel like you had and have many of the same experiences I have, it makes me so glad I am not alone. 
Thank you so much for your support!


I think if I had a theme song right now, it'd probably be this one:

(I can't figure out how to post youtube video directly  , I hope I am not breaking rules with this external link)

[Veerle]

Hi everyone, I jus 8)t had a question for everyone TS here. I am worried about if I go through transition that I will easily be clocked. I have many boys interests still, and know I act boy-like, still. It seems impossible right now in my mind of ever getting to being "passable" behavior-wise. Its been bothering me all day as I found out that I still am boy-like when I am trying to change some aspects of my life, even if a little. It's like there is this invisible barrier up in front of me, that I can't see, but feel its presence, in my mind and socially.

Also, does anybody feel an inferiority complex towards members of the gender you wish to be? I feel inferior around many women, I don't if it's because I feel inferior as a male, or because I was born male and should have been female.

These questions have probably been asked many times before, but I'm too lazy to go searching right now to find them.

You have a nice way of phrasing things.
Like been said before; it's natural worrying about being clocked.
About the Boy-interests, these days things are not that gender related anymore as was in the past. For example, my cousin played with small cars when she was young.
And i've met a girl at school who knew more about a computer then i did.
As far as the behaviour goes, when i went fulltime, i was able to do what i wanted to do, walk naturally feminine, which i tried to hide for years....  Before that I had the same problem with the barrier you're referring to. The barrier was "filtering" in some way every feminine behaviour. And I wasn't really able to tell other's: ooh, that ..... (insert any type of new piece of clothing here) ....looks nice. But after going fulltime, the barrier wasn't "needed" anymore.
Feeling inferior might be a way looking towards it, but I look towards it differently, I envy them.

[soldierjane]

Hi everyone, I just had a question for everyone TS here. I am worried about if I go through transition that I will easily be clocked. I have many boys interests still, and know I act boy-like, still. It seems impossible right now in my mind of ever getting to being "passable" behavior-wise. Its been bothering me all day as I found out that I still am boy-like when I am trying to change some aspects of my life, even if a little. It's like there is this invisible barrier up in front of me, that I can't see, but feel its presence, in my mind and socially.

Also, does anybody feel an inferiority complex towards members of the gender you wish to be? I feel inferior around many women, I don't if it's because I feel inferior as a male, or because I was born male and should have been female.

These questions have probably been asked many times before, but I'm too lazy to go searching right now to find them.

The inferiority complex probably comes from feeling that you'll never be like them and were barred from your true gender before you even had a say. A lot of us m2fs feel that all our lives but it's greatly mitigated by transition and settling into your correct identity.

Yes, you will be read at first but it'll get better, it's an awkward phase which we thankfully put behind.

Regarding interests, modern women should not be tied to conventional definitions of what a woman should like or not like. Just be yourself

[findingreason]

You have a nice way of phrasing things.
Like been said before; it's natural worrying about being clocked.
About the Boy-interests, these days things are not that gender related anymore as was in the past. For example, my cousin played with small cars when she was young.
And i've met a girl at school who knew more about a computer then i did.
As far as the behaviour goes, when i went fulltime, i was able to do what i wanted to do, walk naturally feminine, which i tried to hide for years....  Before that I had the same problem with the barrier you're referring to. The barrier was "filtering" in some way every feminine behaviour. And I wasn't really able to tell other's: ooh, that ..... (insert any type of new piece of clothing here) ....looks nice. But after going fulltime, the barrier wasn't "needed" anymore.
Feeling inferior might be a way looking towards it, but I look towards it differently, I envy them.

Thanks for the encouragement, come to think about it, I know plenty of GGs with "boys" interests. I also have to hold back from saying that whatever they are wearing is nice. I did tell a boy I liked his hair yesterday, though  (he was real cute!!!)!

I don't know how much "feminine behavior" I hold back actually, I really don't know. Guess I'll find out. I can be giddy if I want to though, weirds people out though .

The inferiority complex probably comes from feeling that you'll never be like them and were barred from your true gender before you even had a say. A lot of us m2fs feel that all our lives but it's greatly mitigated by transition and settling into your correct identity.

Yes, you will be read at first but it'll get better, it's an awkward phase which we thankfully put behind.

Regarding interests, modern women should not be tied to conventional definitions of what a woman should like or not like. Just be yourself

That pretty much says it all. I do hope it goes away eventually. Sometimes I feel like a "boy", and it REALLY weirds me out, it just doesn't feel right. Whenever I feel my female self, I am sooooo much happier, anyone relate?

*added*: I always believed in my youth that who I was on the outside was who I was on the inside. I've been learning how incorrect that belief was, but it still influences my thinking from time to time. It may have come from always being told I was "normal" growing up....maybe?

If I transition, I'll probably be a little tomboy-ish.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,25844.0.html - This seems like a story I relate to, and even though this user was shut down from very inappropriate behavior, I liked this story a lot.