Question about sex

[zevonplant]

Before transioning was it difficult or impossible to have sex with someone (even in a gay relationship) ? i often wonder if this happens oftens. it seems like it would. my girlfriend wont do anything with me anymore i cant even touch her. and she's had many reasons for this... one of which was that she wishes she was a boy. but she seems very unsure of this... i really dont know if she even knows what she wants...
anyway... have any of you had this problem?

[Nero]

Difficult or impossible to have sex? Hell NO. I have needs you know. Usually I don't let anybody touch my chest. That's my only sexual hang-up.
But I'm somewhat unconventional for an FtM.
I think what your girlfriend is going through is pretty common.
I've heard FtMs on other forums say things like:
"I'm a 30 year old virgin, nobody's seen me naked." and
"I don't want to have sex until I've had SRS."
Just try to patient with him, but he might just avoid sex altogether until he does what he needs to do to feel comfortable with himself.

Nero

[Chynna]

DAMN THE TITLE CAUGHT ME!

I Have had difficulties sometimes mainly when i dealt with a GG female partner that identified with lesbian or a butch sort of speak..
I used to think for someone to touch or acknowledge "IT" it made me feel insecure or less then a woman because well its a penis and women just shouldn't have them..until I realized I can be very much a woman even with the "Greatly enlarged Clitoris" LOL!
Like Nero
A girl has her needs too!! and I realize that my "little binkey" as I call her! is a part of me so if your in a relationship with me or just trying to have sex with me then guess what "lil Binkey" is part of that package so don't think ya aint gone deal \touch "IT" because for you truly to accept me and what I am........ and for myself to truly accept what and who I am then I got to accept that part of me too.....no big deal when you really concentrate on it its just a part of well shyt YOU\ME ... so you might as well love you or for that manner..... let someone else "LOVE YOU" if you catch my meaning!!!

BTW zevonplant  Welcome to the site babe.

Chynna White

[Robyn]

SEX?  S-e-x, SEX.

Oh, yes, SEX.  Well, I did try with my then-wife when I was trying to convince her I was 'just a crossdresser.'  Needed some mechanical help.  Didn't work real well.

After we split and I went on hormones, sex went bye bye.  Spiro and Estrogen knocked the libido down within months, and SRS left my non-standard orgasm nerves on the scrap heap.   Not that I've never had a female orgasm, but they've been from dreams.  Knock down, drag out, exhausting turn you inside out orgasms.  Probably not good for my heart.

Oh, yes, I am married, but to a non-lesbian FTM.  Thank God we're old and enjoy snuggling.

Next incarnation will have a real sex life.

Robyn

[HelenW]

For years my wife has been asking me why I don't have sex with her anymore.  There are some personal intimacy issues there but now that my therapist has agreed with my self determination that I my gender doesn't match my body I have to wonder how much of that has caused our lack of physical relations.

She seems very afraid that I will tell her that I'm attracted to men - she still considers that gay - and now that I've allowed myself to express my opinion of how certain men look ("Oh yeah, he's kinda cute," I told her once) she is even more worried that I'm gay.

So, I guess that I would say yes to your question zevonplant.  Very difficult but not impossible.  At least for me.

helen

[Chynna]

SEX?  S-e-x, SEX.

Oh, yes, SEX.  Well, I did try with my then-wife when I was trying to convince her I was 'just a crossdresser.'  Needed some mechanical help.  Didn't work real well.

After we split and I went on hormones, sex went bye bye.  Spiro and Estrogen knocked the libido down within months,

I just started Aldactone 2 months ago (Depo Estradiol and Estrostep FE 5 months prior ) and I was wondering where I might have left my sex drive? 
I check in the dryer (found a sock I been looking for) but low and behold no sex drive
I was thinking I might have drop it at the super Wal-mart>............

Chynna

[Melissa]

I don't have any desire for sex anymore.  It is not for physical reasons, but purely psychological.  I am just not comfortable with the part that I have.  I've been on HRT for almost 5 months and could still do it if I tried, but the desire isn't there.

Melissa

[umop ap!sdn]

I guess I'm too self conscious, and it kind of kills the mood to be reminded of what's there. (Even though I've also been known to call it a really large clitoris ) There's also the matter that it doesn't match what my mind is expecting to be there; not having the vagina or labia I physically can't experience the things that I long for, and am not wired to do the things that are physically possible. (I hope that made sense.) For me at this point in time, it's all thoughts either of just cuddling or of being post-op.

BTW, for me today marks 2 months on spiro, and I have not had any loss in libido. If anything, the opposite is true... but thankfully I am rid of that gotta have it right now mind in a fog feeling. Yech.

[Little Lynn]

I've never been terribly into sex myself.  I've tried a couple times, but no matter what, there was a psychological burden that just overwhelms me every time.  Like Melissa said, it just feels wrong, like I'm playing the wrong part.  It really takes any kind of pleasure out of it.

Fortunately, my current girlfriend knows about me and doesn't force me to do things I'd rather not.

[Dennis]

I found it increasingly difficult as my gender dysphoria got worse as well. It became one of the many problems in my marriage.

Dennis

[LostInTime]

Like Dennis, as my GID became impossible to ignore, the whole sex thing went out the window.  10 years later, it has yet to come back.  Not that I have not thought about it but those couple of people ended up disappointing (and hurting) me terribly so now I do not even date (and I am not someone who can just flop into bed with someone I do not know nor trust).

[stephanie_craxford]

Like Dennis, as my GID became impossible to ignore, the whole sex thing went out the window.  10 years later, it has yet to come back.  Not that I have not thought about it but those couple of people ended up disappointing (and hurting) me terribly so now I do not even date (and I am not someone who can just flop into bed with someone I do not know nor trust).

After being on HRT for about 15 months I believe that my sex drive is slowly starting to return, finally.  it was never that strong, but I can definitely feel something.  I find that I'm looking at men more and more.  Who knows.

Steph

[zevonplant]

thanks for all your replies. you all are really great... it's too bad it took me so long to find this place. chynna... you're hilarious.
none the less.. i really dont know if this is whats wrong with her. shes said she wanted to be a boy, but then she took it back and said it again etc etc... and shes said that shes too young (of course this is after having been together sexually for six months already) and that shes afriad if she likes it shell end up a slut. i just dont know what it is. when she was saying she wanted to be male i offered to buy her a strap on, let her cross dress, stuff her pants, bind her breasts... whatever she wanted... i just wanted to be with  her... but nothing ever came of it.
i dont know. i really dont think anyone will figure it out because i sure cant, no one i know can and i dont even know if she can.
we've been ignoring it... but it still hurts me sometimes. i worry i'll want to be with other people because i miss it. but i dont want to. i feel really distanced from her... like our relationship isnt as deep and trusting when she wont let me touch her.
i just dont know.
sorry i rambled. no one really has to reply. i dont know why i keep bringing this up.

[Nero]

Well, she obviously has some sort of gender issues. Maybe she's not ready to accept this yet, but she feels uncomfortable with her body. I certainly didn't want to accept that I might be TS.
In fact, I would get downright hostile if anyone even insinuated that I might have gender issues.
Try to be patient with her, but I know the celibacy thing has got to be harsh.
One thing that might help is if during intimacy, you treat her as a male, let her know that you see her for who she is, despite her body.
I know that for me the worst thing is being perceived as something I am not - female.
Wish I could be of more help.

Nero

[Chynna]

chynna... you're hilarious.
shes afriad if she likes it shell end up a slut. i just dont know what it is. when she was saying she wanted to be male i offered to buy her a strap on, let her cross dress, stuff her pants, bind her breasts... whatever she wanted...

Yeah I definitly agree with Nero On this On she has some inner conflicts and confusions about her sexuality....May I suggest that you refrain from making suggests such as offering to buy her a strp-on, or crossdressing, or binding...At this stage in her "development" you may come off to her as trying to push her into being "male" or TS further confusing her or putting more distance between the two of you..Also Suggest that she join a support group (like SUSANS HINT!) Or seek counseling to help her sort her feelings out> She needs to know that there are a ton of people just like her who have feelings of wanting to be the opposite sex some all the time some only every now and then...Most still have sex with Men, Women, TS'S and all three! point she needs to realize is that shes not alone or different or wrong or wierd...just unique..and she'll probably only be able to realize that by seeing that in someone else just like here..LIKE HERE AT SUSANS hint#2) Just let her know (If your serious about her)that no matter what you'll always be with her regardless of what she look like male\female whatever because you want to be with her as a person.

Affraid of being a slut?
You say that as if it were a bad thing!!!! LMAO
Aint nothing wrong with liking good sex...regardless of who you are having sex with or what role (male\female) you are playing during the act...Hell for that manner then I'm a slut (yeah I said it!) Because I LOVE Sex (can't stress that enough) But I can also be very much a lady so you can say i'm two sides of the coin in a lot of ways!

Much love
Hilarious only on days ending with the letter "Y"
CHYNNA
Ps hitting you with a brick this time....... suggest she check out Susans