Am I neutral or feminine?

[const]

I'm beginning to think I suffer from being overly neutral not feminine.

My personality is mellow overall. I have a calm temperament, non-caring, open-minded, and I hardly ever show emotion to others. I'm an extremely passive type of person. I can't stand up for myself even if I absolutely had too. So, I was bullied pretty badly because of that trait.

I had a good imagination as a kid. I read a lot of historical fiction, history, astronomy, and some good, regular fiction. I didn't ever have many friends; I was mostly a loner.

Honestly, as a kid, I was more boyish. As I got older, I became more balanced. At about seventeen, I became pretty weird in my thinking. Before that period of time, I never really gave much thought about the other gender. Essentially, at seventeen, I began to become envious of other girls. I began to act a slight amount more feminine in public. I began to want to become the opposite sex.

Now, I'm not a overly masculine guy; I hate sports, hunting, wearing my hair short, and probably more. But neither am I overly feminine either; I don't like talking all that much, shopping, or intimacy.

Essentially, I'm a no nonsense type of person. I think I'm just androgynous more than anything else.

One of the things I feel strongly about is I want a less disgusting face. In other words, I'd like to be pretty. I don't know if I would take it any further than that. Basically, I'm just a weirdo or a queer, I suppose.

In addition to everything I've said, my sexual orientation is very neutral. I could go either way.

Am I neutral or feminine? Or just a god damn weirdo?

[NickSister]

In what ways does it matter? I don't think behaviour is a good indicator of your gender identity, if this is what you are getting at. Gender identity is what is inside.

[jenny_]

In what ways does it matter? I don't think behaviour is a good indicator of your gender identity, if this is what you are getting at. Gender identity is what is inside.

I agree.  Theres loads of masculine girls and feminine boys in the world, and their behaviour doesn't define their gender.

Gender is much more than simply a sum of your feminine/neutral/masculine traits.
Who you are is whats important.

*Hugs*
Jenny

[Jaimey]

Honestly, as a kid, I was more boyish. As I got older, I became more balanced. At about seventeen, I became pretty weird in my thinking. Before that period of time, I never really gave much thought about the other gender. Essentially, at seventeen, I began to become envious of other girls. I began to act a slight amount more feminine in public.

You know what's funny?  That's me to a T almost, but I'm female bodied.  I say, if you feel like you are androgyne, then that's what you are.  If you feel like you are feminine, then that's what you are.  And if it changes, that's you too.    The best way to figure yourself out is to keep asking questions.  Consider different scenarios and see how you feel about them.  You'll find yourself in no time!

[const]

Who I am? To me, I am someone who doesn't seem to identify strongly with either being male or female. Personally, I just feel... well neutral. Although that is how I feel, it is also something I can't stand. I don't want to be neutral; rather, I want to be either feminine or masculine.

I hope you can understand me. I'm being honest.

Essentially, I wouldn't mind going female. I wouldn't mind wearing female clothing. I wouldn't mind it, but it isn't something that is extremely desired. Neither do I want to be male either. I don't really act masculine. I don't enjoy being called a "man." I don't like being this disgusting and repulsive in appearance.

I guess that the stark reality is I just don't know what the hell I am.

I hope I don't get burned at the stake for my honesty.

You know what's funny?  That's me to a T almost, but I'm female bodied.  I say, if you feel like you are androgyne, then that's what you are.  If you feel like you are feminine, then that's what you are.  And if it changes, that's you too.  Cheesy  The best way to figure yourself out is to keep asking questions.  Consider different scenarios and see how you feel about them.  You'll find yourself in no time!

Thank you. I'm glad someone has had a similiar experience as me.

[Jaimey]

Don't worry too much about finding out who you are.  Just based on your picture, I'm going to say I'm a few years older and I still don't know everything about me.  There's nothing wrong with being neutral.  Sometimes I feel neutral too.  My advice would be, that whatever you feel, just go with it.  It's better to accept your feelings than to dislike them or deny them in any way.  I definitely understand wanting to be one or the other.  I went through a long period where I thought I might be ftm, and then sometimes I felt sort of like a girl again, and other times I just felt like a gay man in a woman's body.  But once I learned about "androgyne", that just felt right for me.

Think of it as an adventure.  A gender adventure. 

...

[jenny_]

I guess that the stark reality is I just don't know what the hell I am.

I hope I don't get burned at the stake for my honesty.

I'm really sorry if I came across as being insensitive, I really didn't mean it as a criticism.
I can understand your frustration, I remember how confused I felt when i was figuring out who/what I am.
I hope things work out for you 

Jenny
x x

[sd]

Who I am? To me, I am someone who doesn't seem to identify strongly with either being male or female. Personally, I just feel... well neutral. Although that is how I feel, it is also something I can't stand. I don't want to be neutral; rather, I want to be either feminine or masculine.

I hope you can understand me. I'm being honest.

Essentially, I wouldn't mind going female. I wouldn't mind wearing female clothing. I wouldn't mind it, but it isn't something that is extremely desired. Neither do I want to be male either. I don't really act masculine. I don't enjoy being called a "man." I don't like being this disgusting and repulsive in appearance.

I understand,and I'm sure many others here do as well.

You certainly sound like an androgyne from the above, but in the end, only you can be sure. If you feel this is where you belong, stick around for a while and see. It does not hurt to test out the waters. Ultimately this may be what/who you are or maybe it is only a temporary stopping point, but do whatever works for you at the moment. Stick around, read some older threads, you might learn something about yourself and come to a better understanding.

Don't go beating yourself up because you are unsure of yourself. Many of us in this forum or this website for that matter are not entirely sure of a lot of things. You are certainly not alone there.


As for you being a weirdo...
I have met far stranger people than yourself (looks, personality, everything).
Besides, some of the nicest people I have ever met were the ones who were what most people would consider the weirdos.

[const]

Just based on your picture, I'm going to say I'm a few years older and I still don't know everything about me.

Thank you. I'm glad I'm not the only one in this world who is unsure. By the way, I'm twenty-two years old.

I understand,and I'm sure many others here do as well.

You certainly sound like an androgyne from the above, but in the end, only you can be sure. If you feel this is where you belong, stick around for a while and see. It does not hurt to test out the waters. Ultimately this may be what/who you are or maybe it is only a temporary stopping point, but do whatever works for you at the moment. Stick around, read some older threads, you might learn something about yourself and come to a better understanding.

Don't go beating yourself up because you are unsure of yourself. Many of us in this forum or this website for that matter are not entirely sure of a lot of things. You are certainly not alone there.


As for you being a weirdo...
I have met far stranger people than yourself (looks, personality, everything).
Besides, some of the nicest people I have ever met were the ones who were what most people would consider the weirdos.

Thank you so much for understanding.

[Kinkly]

I understand because i'm searching to find myself.
Look around the androgyne forum and ask yourself the questions that have been asked this has been helpful to me and most of the people  here are great
If you are mostly female but can see parts of you as male then welcome to my world
if you have trouble classing yourself as male or female or different parts into either group then jamie or pica are more like you
most people here seem to see themselves as weird I know i am.

[const]

Hmmm, this is really starting to ring a bell. As far as I go back in time, I've never been that masculine or feminine. I've always been very balanced.

Essentially, the biggest thing about me is that I don't care. If there is a character I can identify with, it might be Xellos of the Slayers.

Thanks for all the replies. I appreciate it.

[lady amarant]

I say, if you feel like you are androgyne, then that's what you are.  If you feel like you are feminine, then that's what you are.  And if it changes, that's you too. 

Hear-hear! I think that is the wisest thing I've heard all month!

~Simone.

[Jaimey]

Essentially, the biggest thing about me is that I don't care. If there is a character I can identify with, it might be Xellos of the Slayers.

You like anime/manga?!  I think the character I relate best too (well, as far as gender/body are concerned...I'm not in love with Satan ) is Hatter (aka Belial) from Angel Sactuary.  I also relate really well to Haruhi from Host Club...her attitude towards gender and well, pretty much everything.    ...I'll stop before I really get started...

Thank you. I'm glad I'm not the only one in this world who is unsure. By the way, I'm twenty-two years old.

SERIOUSLY???  You're aging wonderfully...holy cow.  Well, I'm older, but not that much older.  I'm 26.  Finding yourself can be pretty fun, so enjoy it! 

oh yeah...as a side note, 25 is kind of the magic number.  I guess that's when your body finally reaches full adulthood and a lot of that jumbledness of adolescence just disappears (thank goodness)...there's a reason you're car insurance goes down when you turn 25.   so yeah, things get a little easier once your body calms down.  Reason is a wonderful thing...

I say, if you feel like you are androgyne, then that's what you are.  If you feel like you are feminine, then that's what you are.  And if it changes, that's you too. 

Hear-hear! I think that is the wisest thing I've heard all month!

~Simone.

  aw...I feel kind of shy right now...

[Shana A]

oh yeah...as a side note, 25 is kind of the magic number.  I guess that's when your body finally

Hmmmm, I'm backwards 25  maybe that counts for some kind of magic number too 

Z

[Laurry]

The journey to find one's self is a never-ending struggle between who you think you are, who you think you should be, and who everyone else expects you to be.  The last two seem to cause the most trouble, as they move out of the realm of reality and into the realm of "Should".  When we start dealing with what "should be" and not "what is", unhappiness inevitably follows.

Relax and just be.  Be whoever you are and act however you feel.  Leave yourself open to change and try not to worry so much about "Am I femme or neutral or masculine?"  Most of us here struggle with this occasionally, but I have found the greatest peace is when I simply accept that it is OK to be both or neither.

And, for the record, I don't find your face to be disgusting

......L

[Kinkly]

I think i understand why you don't like your face, for the same reasons I don't like parts of my body.
I have trouble looking in the mirror because of the ugly beast staring back at me
I'm probably not toooooo ugly in reality but my body isn't what my brain tells me it should be. so I'm disgusted by what i see.
I have lots of confusion over what I am and I'm 30 and have only just started to come to terms with it even though I've felt like this all my life

[const]

And, for the record, I don't find your face to be disgusting

Thanks. I appreciate it.

SERIOUSLY???  You're aging wonderfully...holy cow.

Hmmm, I'm not sure what this means. Although I have a pretty good idea,  was this meant in a good or bad manner?

[Veetje]

I hope youre feeling well

And I can identify a little with your story

[ftmshubbie]

Hiya Poly,

You sound like you're a lot like I was back in my late teens and twenties (in the Upper Neolithic). I'm still pretty much the same, and I don't think there's anything wierd about it. Thatnk heaven your generation seems a lot less hung up on gender stereotypes.

Just enjoy being who you are and don't worry too much about what to call it! Good to "meet" you.

Dan

[NicholeW.]

Poly, you really don't appear to be the "monster" you see yourself as, but ... I also know how it feels to see one's self in the mirror and not be satisfied with how she or he 'looks.'

I believe it's all a matter of how we generally feel about ourselves and that we don't look the way we'd like to look, part of gender dysphoria as often as not.

Brush your hair outta your eyes. You look fine from this monitor.

Hugs,

Nichole