Public Toilets

[jenny_]

I know this has been discussed many times before, so I apologise if this annoys anyone  .  But anyway, its a new week, and i have a new crisis, lol!

I went full-time over a year ago, and i've had no problems with using womens toilets up till now (though I was terrified the first few times!).  But thats only been in places where i haven't been known before transition, and I think i pass ok most of the time.

But over the summer i'm gonna be going back to my hometown, which is pretty conservative compared to the rest of the UK (though nothing like as bad as some other countries) and what i'm worried about is that it doesn't matter how i look, people will know because they've always known me.  And i'm worried about people being mean if i use the 'wrong' toilet, especially like in pubs/clubs where people are drunk as well.

have any of you run into problems from people who knew you before you transitioned (and i don't mean just friends)?

jenny
x x

[sneakersjay]

If you look like you do in the picture (pretty girl!) then I'd use the ladies room.  I think I'd go by more how you look (female) than what people might think.

Jay

[jenny_]

If you look like you do in the picture (pretty girl!) then I'd use the ladies room.  I think I'd go by more how you look (female) than what people might think.

Jay

Ahhhh...thanks jay *blushes*.

I don't know, I'm just scared of people who knew me at school etc objecting, especially the people i've never got on with. 

[sneakersjay]

But seriously...using the men's room when you're so obviously female?  Does *everyone* know you?  Will they recognize you?  Would you feel comfortable in the men's room?

Jay

[jenny_]

But seriously...using the men's room when you're so obviously female?  Does *everyone* know you?  Will they recognize you?  Would you feel comfortable in the men's room?

Jay

I'd definitely not use a men's room, i was more thinking of crossing my legs and holding it in! i did that when i met up with old friends at christmas and literally had to run home to go to the loo!

I come from a village, so everyone knows everyone elses business.  And when I go out in my home town they's a lot of people still around who knew me from school, and its no secret that i've 'changed'.  I'm blaming my sister and her friends for that! *sigh*

[sneakersjay]

Holding it sucks...(speaking from experience; thank goodness I can finally pee standing up  ).

So they know, but you're a woman now.  If they can't see that...

To be honest I don't know what I'd do in your shoes.  I don't quite pass as male so I'm using 'family' bathrooms (which your small village probably doesn't have).  But you look 100% female, so ... What does your family say (if they have an opinion on the issue?)

Jay

[jenny_]

Theres no family rooms in the entire country except for starbucks! My family don't say very much on the subject, they're ok(ish) with me, but they really don't understand it. *sigh*
Its not like i'm expecting there to be loads of people having a problem with me using the ladies, its just that it doesn't take many people to make things unpleasent.

[sneakersjay]

Theres no family rooms in the entire country except for starbucks! My family don't say very much on the subject, they're ok(ish) with me, but they really don't understand it. *sigh*
Its not like i'm expecting there to be loads of people having a problem with me using the ladies, its just that it doesn't take many people to make things unpleasent.

True, but if they've known you your whole life, they should know you're not a perv, and you're not using the ladies room for nefarious purposes.  If you're in a family-type place I'd say go for it; I'd probably stay away from those in drunken bars... (I don't frequent drunken bars but I've been told they're the worst places for us guys to use the men's room).

Jay

[Anonymouse]

I live in a small town in the UK, I went to school here and grew up in the farming village nearby. A conservative backwater by most peoples definition.

Just be yourself and you will be fine. I have had no issues at all apart from those within myself.

Ann

[Rachael]

they probably wont recognise you....

people who knew me for years dont recognise me... in a club, nobody looks that closely...
R >

[Scratchy Wilson]

I agree with Racheal. I've run into a bunch of people I went to school with and only 2 or 3 have recognized me. I don't think you will have problems andway because you look like a lady.

[ANewMe]

I'm with the last two posters on this. I've never been recognized and I've had conversations with people I used to know. Of course having gone from a nearly 300 lbs severly depressed man to ... well what I am now and it is no wonder why running into not even all my own family memebers recognize me.

Be yourself, be confident (you have every right to be there) and relax. You should be fine.

ttfn

[Elwood]

I don't use public toilets anymore. I hold it. Not healthy but... man. I've been kicked outta the ladies room and I don't have the "balls" to use the men's room yet! Lol.

I guess that means I pass very well. I've made girls scream and hush me out of the room quickly. Really... funny. Haha.

[LynnER]

I've been going to the same set of Bars, Pubs, and clubs since I was 19... everyone knows me pretty much... Do I have trouble with using the restrooms?

Nope, not really... I've only had one incident since going full time... and thats because the girl didn't know any better... she later apologized for making a scene, though I don't think she was sincere, I think she was scared of the bikers my dad associates with...

Really, there should be nothing to worry about...  so good luck...

[JENNIFER]

I am not sure if this helps anyone but owing to my disabilities, I use the disabled facilities that are now common in public places in UK.  I have used female facilities without problems but with much fear and in good time, that may become easier. 

I use disabled facilities because I am disabled however disabilities comes in may guises 

[Laura Eva B]

Jenny,

Unless it becomes known you're "home" and people have their eye open looking for you, no-one's going to recognise you, honestly.

And in my experience, the women I know have never had any objection to me using the Ladies, in fact in pubs and bars they've used it as an opportunity to chat with me in peace and quiet while we brush our hair, touch up lipstick ....

I recently had a woman I knew well chat to me at a wedding anniversary (me sitting between my mum & dad, with just five others making up our table) .... she had known me and my folks since my childhood but did not know of my transition.  I could see she was really puzzled as to who I was, she even asked people "who was that woman ? ", but got evasive answers as no one wanted to break my confidence and "gossip" !

Don't worry and enjoy being back with family and friends ....

Laura x

[jenny_]

I've been going to the same set of Bars, Pubs, and clubs since I was 19... everyone knows me pretty much... Do I have trouble with using the restrooms?

Nope, not really... I've only had one incident since going full time... and thats because the girl didn't know any better... she later apologized for making a scene, though I don't think she was sincere, I think she was scared of the bikers my dad associates with...

Really, there should be nothing to worry about...  so good luck...

Thanks Lynn, that's really reassuring.  Hugs for having to deal with that one girl, though, can't have been pleasant.

I think i'm just gonna go for it.  I might not pass perfectly, but I know I don't loke completely like a man.  And I'll have my friends with me I guess, so if anything goes wrong I won't be alone.  And its now illegal to discriminate in the UK so bars/clubs etc are meant to take my side.  Worse case scenario: somebody makes a scene, the bouncers kick me out, i sue the bar and they pay for my surgery!

Thanks everyone, i'm worrying a lot less now 

hugs
jenny
x x

Posted on: June 01, 2008, 12:36:40 AM

Jenny,

Unless it becomes known you're "home" and people have their eye open looking for you, no-one's going to recognise you, honestly.

Perhaps, but I don't think my appearance has changed that much, especially since I didn't dress look that manly when i was presenting as male - I had long hair, usually dressed in pink feminine clothes and it was more a technicality that they were mens clothes.  So what i mean is that people might be more likely to recognise me since I haven't changed that dramatically.  I'll soon find out anyway!

[Wing Walker]

Hi, Jenny,

If you present as a woman, use the women's washrooms, no question about it. 

Go in, discharge your bodily functions, wash, check your hair, whatever, and smile at anyone you pass on your way out.

You belong there so no one will question you.

Wing Walker