Hello everyone, Although I am not a transsexual, I am a definite transgendered MTF and hope to someday have the surgery..
Was not sure where to post this so I picked this spot..
So I came out...
It's been a long and still unfinished journey that is for sure.. I am only 18, and today I had the chat, the one everyone fears the most about talking. The terrible burden that can lead to a family in shambles and possibly ruined entirely.. I was afraid of my father most of all (how he hates anything to do with gays/transexuals) being a very heavy Christian, and what my mother/sister would think or say. I was afraid at the thought of even speaking of the truth. Something that has been with me ever since I was very young, and nothing I could do about it because of what others would think. I myself was afraid of how god would judge me, and if this chat would lead to me having to move out.
You see it all started about 5 months ago, my mother was cleaning my room and found a small stash of my sisters clothing. She was astonished most of all, and when she brought it up I simply denied and told her I had 0 idea how it got there in the first place.
And she believed me...
A couple months later, my sister confronted my dad about the subject and told him exactly where I was hiding more of her clothing and makeup that I had purchased (could not believe she would do this, nor had any idea she had the slightest idea as to where I was hiding it). He was in total shock, could not believe or even begin to fathom the idea of what just happened. I again denied it and he left it at that.
And he believed me...
Just yesterday my mother found some small items and a vogue magazine (I love vogue) and confronted my father, he came up to me and asked me again what was going on. Still in fear of what would happen I again denied it and he began to concoct his own story thinking my sister was trying to frame me as an attempt to cry out for help. They both went to bed and then began my own pondering.
I asked the lord what I was supposed to do, For one if I attempted to tell them about the truth, I would not even be able to imagine what would happen. Then again, if I didn't say anything and tried to keep denying the entire charade, my sister would be chastised.
I couldn't sleep, wondering what I was supposed to do asking the lord to help me out of this proverbial stuck between a rock and a hard place. The next morning my parents came into my room to talk about what was going on. I sat both of them down on my bed and sat myself facing towards them on my computer chair. I told them first how much I loved them, and that at the drop of a hat if they couldn't bare to see me again I would leave (Really would, even with only having a small amount of cash and nowhere to go). I told them that it wasn't there fault and that most importantly I was not gay. I proceeded to explain that ever since I was young I felt different, how I fell into depression because I could not live the life I was carrying on. I said I was TRANSGENDERED. As both of them sat in tears just listening I didn't know how to react, what to really say.. I wanted to just kill myself and that be the end of it. My father said nothing really, cried a lot and told me that he loved me more then anything, I just asked both of them to accept me for what I really am, neither of them seemed to be able to comprehend what I really wanted to say. I told them how I wish they would accept my as their daughter not their son. My father said he really couldn't do that.
Both of them have yet to say anything spiteful or anything that would be demoralizing in anyway. But they do want me to see a psychiatrist. Which I am fine with, but for them it has to be a Heavy Christian fundamentalist type. It scares me a bit because I have no idea what to say or how to react. I am not sure what will go on from today, I just hope it leads to me becoming who I really was meant to be. A WOMAN!
Thanks for taking the time to listen and for any comments you wish to say or express.
<3
For Now... David
