How many of you would be transitioning if....

[Just Mandy]

How many of you would be transitioning if there was no Internet and little
information about being transsexual?

This has been discussed a little before I think, maybe not in depth that I recall.

And it does not really matter, but the thing is... I feel so dumb for not understanding
what I felt growing up. Or how I thought it was just a phase, or that I could handle it,
or that I could make it go away.

And I really think that without all the information we have now I would still be
un-enlightened about gender issues. Am I totally dumb or does anyone else
feel like having information and support was what opened your eyes to your gender issues?

Amanda

[Lori]

Oh its been discussed before. I think the better question was when somebody asked if you would still transition if you were blind. Now think about that one for a bit.

The internet certainly helped me and educated me. I cannot say where I would be without it. Certainly would have spent more money on therapists than I already have. It allowed me to do more self discovery in privacy where I wouldn't feel shame. I was able to "study" in privacy so I was able to delve deeper and understand more and get better prepared to find the right therapist. In the end whether you transition or not is up to you. It has nothing to do with what you read or how you find out about it. Its that internal pull that drives you to it. Eventually you will cave in. Without the internet we may have lasted another 10 years. I think all it did was speed things up for me, to be honest with you.

[sneakersjay]

I've been online since 1995 and it took me til 2008 to even realize what my issues were (transsexual).  I'm not sure it would have crossed my radar if I'd had to research in a dusty library.  Heck, and once I thought I was on to something (trans issues) it still took me asking someone point blank which sites to go to, because there are a lot of uninformative scary sites out there, and the medical/psych sites were overly technical and not practical.

So I'd probably never have figured out what was wrong with me.  The closest I came was a few years back when I joked with someone that I must have been male in a former life, because I had a hard time thinking as a woman.  Even then, the fact that I'm transsexual never crossed my mind.

Jay

[Just Mandy]

The closest I came was a few years back when I joked with someone that I must have been male in a former life, because I had a hard time thinking as a woman.  Even then, the fact that I'm transsexual never crossed my mind.

You know I had SO many things like that happen, so many things that said "you obviously have a female brain"
and I just never "got it".

Without the internet we may have lasted another 10 years. I think all it did was speed things up for me, to be honest with you.

I just wonder if that's the case for me. I think I might have just bumbled along with life.

My image of what a transsexual was pre-internet was a guy in a dress based on how the media portrayed us.
I knew nothing about hormones, I did not know your body changed, I did not know your face changed. And I was
certainly NOT that guy in a dress. When I heard "sex change" I thought guys just had their willy cut off, did not
have anything like a vagina and still looked like guys. So with that image in my head it never occurred to me that how I
thought, what I felt could ever mean that I was transsexual. But looking back... omg... there were so many clues. I feel so
stupid for not once thinking "what does this mean?" in my teens and twenties.

Amanda

[Sarah Louise]

There was no Internet and there was no information available when I was young.   And school shrinks sure were not any help, nor were family doctors.

It would have made things a lot easier if there had been information around.


Sarah L.

[sneakersjay]

My image of what a transsexual was pre-internet was a guy in a dress based on how the media portrayed us.
I knew nothing about hormones, I did not know your body changed, I did not know your face changed. And I was
certainly NOT that guy in a dress. When I heard "sex change" I thought guys just had their willy cut off, did not
have anything like a vagina and still looked like guys. So with that image in my head it never occurred to me that how I
thought, what I felt could ever mean that I was transsexual. But looking back... omg... there were so many clues. I feel so
stupid for not once thinking "what does this mean?" in my teens and twenties.

Amanda

That was my image as well.  Big hairy guys in drag, not passing at all.   (Think Bosom Buddies...that dates me, LOL, though they weren't transsexuals).  I never even knew that ftms existed.  Totally off my radar.  Add in a religious upbringing where homosexuality is an abomination, and those seeking sex changes were perverts...well, you can see why I never identified with *those* people??  LOL

When I finally figured it out, I had a whole lot of educating myself to do to overcome those stereotypes, believe me.

And now Jay is a happy guy!!

Jay

[Lori]

I remember a show where a guy was holding a vial of pure estrogen. He was sitting at a desk and holding it away from him, and holding it towards the camera to zoom in on. I wanted it. That was many many years ago..almost 15 or so. I knew they made estrogen .....I just didn't know I could get it. The internet helped with that. I have prescriptions but there is no way in hell I can afford $300.00 a month to get them locally. Thank god for the internet on that one. Buying months at a time has allowed me to get that down to around $109.00 a month for a full course.

[Dawn D.]

I now know why I felt a sense of understanding for Rene Richards and Christine Jorgensen when I heard about them as being transsexuals and all that they went through when I was younger. At the time I had no idea why I felt that way and it did make me wonder about myself, though without further pursuit. Life happens and mine did. Later with the advent of the internet (and still it was nearly 10 years after I first subscribed to it) I found out why I had those feelings years ago that I didn't understand what they were.

Would I still go into transition if it weren't for the internet? Honestly yes, although it might not be as soon because at this point I imagine I would be searching out information from other sources ie., library's, university's and phsyc's. The feeling just grew to strong to ignore and needed to be understood. It was nearly all consuming. Thank God for the internet and it's ability to have good information along with all the bad.



Dawn

[Nero]

I honestly doubt it. Actually my getting clean had as much to do with it. Cause that's when I had so much time on my hands, I started surfing the net a lot more. Ftms really aren't common knowledge and while I dreamed of a masectomy, I had no idea transitioning was actually possible. I didn't know T could actually change you enough to pass. I tried to live as male, using male names and what not but actually passing I thought was impossible. (and I still think might be in my case).

And I really thought I was alone in this - that I was the only man on earth born this way and it made me feel special. But I never dreamed other people had this. I thought a 'transsexual' was just a drag queen who went all the way (sorry everyone but I was blissfully ignorant).

Then I got clean and bored and started looking up stuff on the computer. Came across the term 'gender identity disorder', knew it applied to me, learnt more and started hanging out on ftm chat rooms.
Got disenchanted with the whole ftm thing as the guys in the chat room I frequented started getting all '->-bleeped-<-r than thou' on me and calling me gay and what not, so I looked for other trans chats and sites, found this one, fell in love with the people here and the rest is history.
Now I'm just waiting on the green light for HRT and surgery.

[Kate]

That was my image as well.  Big hairy guys in drag, not passing at all.   (Think Bosom Buddies...that dates me, LOL, though they weren't transsexuals)...

LOL, exactly! That's what I thought too. Before the internet, I never imagined it possible to transition and just be... well... a normal man or woman.

What the internet did was expose me to people who'd actually transitioned, although I STILL didn't believe it for awhile. I figured they were deluded, just fooling themselves, and everyone MUST be laughing behind their backs.

In hindsight, in a twisted way I didn't WANT to believe it could work anymore. I was settled into a marriage and career... I kinda wanted to hear it DIDN'T work so I could avoid the torture of the temptation, and the regret of feeling like I'd missed my chance. So I demonized it, I thought people who risked "a good life" by transitioning, and "great health" by taking hormones were reckless and irresponsible. I HATED them for daring to do what I needed to do, for being what I needed to be.

Sigh. Live and learn I guess.

~Kate~

[Laura Eva B]

Guess I'm not sure ....

I'd certainly gone full time (RLE) and was under psych / medical supervision before I encountered any groups or forums like Susan's, Calpernia's Info Exchange, TS-UK, and the specialist surgery and hrt groups.

But it all started for real when I began to self-medicate having found an internet drugstore, and sites with doseage information. 

But I wasn't "green" at any point in my life. 

I would have used the word "transsexual" to describe my feelings when I was just 12 or 13 back in the very early 1970's.  I'd read the Jan Morris autobiography at the age of 14, and other TS biographies followed including April Ashley and Tula.  I did loads of library research in my late teens and early 20's, including local university library where I came across Money's "Man, Woman, Boy, Girl" and diligently photocopied TS related articles from the bound medical, psychiatric, and sexology journals going back to the 50's .... even came across surgery manuals one of which showed graphic details of SRS as it was back in the 70's !

In my mid-20's (1986) I discovered the London "scene", TV/TS/drag clubs, and encountered other TS women, pre & post-op who looked fantastic .... I looked good too but pretended to be TV as I was not ready to turn my life upside down, shock family, disrupt developing career by coming out.  In the 80's it was still something you were so secretive and "hush hush" about.

Think the net was symptomatic of the way society changed, and I was on the verge of transitioning at the same time as web resources made me realise the size of the "community" out there.

Laura x

[sneakersjay]

I'm lucky in that right off the bat I met a local guy who transitioned like 8 years ago who is totally normal and totally passes.  I've also been divorced 3 years, life is good, and the perfect time for finally doing something for ME, which is Transition.  If I hadn't met him I might have had to do a more prolonged discovery of what was possible.

Jay

[Lisbeth]

How many of you would be transitioning if there was no Internet and little information about being transsexual?

I think, in my case, the answer would be clear:  No, because I would be dead.  With everything that has happened to me, I sometimes feel that it would have been better that way.  But then there is someone here at Susans's who I would never have met, and she needs me like I need her.

[gina]

Yes the net was also responsible for finding and understanding what my problem was and what options that where available. Most important it made me see I'm not alone with this and thru the years I met some wonderful people online.

On the negative side it made me  do some things I never would have attempted to do on my own which brought on problems that would have never been, if not for the net (I'm not putting fault on the net but on my own ability to handle this new found power) I guess only time will tell if all of this was for the best.

gina

[MaggieB]

The internet and the ability to get information on ->-bleeped-<- here has been a life saver. This condition is still in the process of being accepted by the medical community in general. We really need the internet to insure that we get the proper and best help. Would I be transitioning with out the internet? Probably not, I'd be in a mental institution or a prison because I went berserk over my unresolved gender issues.

Maggie

[buttercup]

That was my image as well.  Big hairy guys in drag, not passing at all.   (Think Bosom Buddies...that dates me, LOL, though they weren't transsexuals)...

LOL, exactly! That's what I thought too. Before the internet, I never imagined it possible to transition and just be... well... a normal man or woman.

What the internet did was expose me to people who'd actually transitioned, although I STILL didn't believe it for awhile. I figured they were deluded, just fooling themselves, and everyone MUST be laughing behind their backs.

In hindsight, in a twisted way I didn't WANT to believe it could work anymore. I was settled into a marriage and career... I kinda wanted to hear it DIDN'T work so I could avoid the torture of the temptation, and the regret of feeling like I'd missed my chance. So I demonized it, I thought people who risked "a good life" by transitioning, and "great health" by taking hormones were reckless and irresponsible. I HATED them for daring to do what I needed to do, for being what I needed to be.Sigh. Live and learn I guess.

~Kate~

I identify with that statement so much! 

[Shana A]

I transitioned in 1993, the internet existed but I didn't have access except an email account. I lived in a rural area, I searched gay papers, etc., and found a transgender support group 2 hours away in the city. I attended a few times, and also found a gender therapist through other people I met. I read every book on the subject that I could find.

In the last few years, the internet has been helpful to me, before finding Susan's place, I had no idea there were so many other people such as myself who were non-binary.

Zythyra

[lady amarant]

I probably wouldn't be transitioning.

I probably would be dead, however. Most likely by my own hand.

~Simone.

[JENNIFER]

Due to my age and being rather an information junkie, I have been aware of people such as Rene Richards among many others well before computers being a household item let alone the internet that we have today.  What deterred me mainly was the sheer cost of getting a 'sex change operation', this being how the print media portrayed what we now call gender reassignment. I was fit, healthy active and employed in a job that commanded a good income but this operation required something akin to a lottery win.

Fast forward to the 21st century and the question that Amanda asked of us, it is thanks to the internet that I was able to explore in depth about who I am, why I am the way I am and how I could change how I wish to be in order to live how I am in mind and heart and body.  Further, the ability to obtain hormones without the need for a medical professional writing a prescription helped to convince me that all things were possible.  I could not take advantage of hormones through internet sources due to having a series of strokes and not having a credit card but I am aware of some people that have managed this method of medication with some success. 

Going back, I saw newspaper images of 'sexchange' persons, they would not inspire confidence in those among us that are contemplating transition, the press and journalism in general prefer to highlight the extreme, the oddities and the unusual because it sells and gives the journalist his moment and name at the top of the story.   I also see many TS/TG/TV websites and frankly, they are mainly fetishist porn leaning in nature and offer us here nothing of benefit.

The internet has helped me, guided me, and brought me to this board therefore it cant be all bad can it? 

[Scratchy Wilson]

Boys Don't Cry helped me realize my issues. After that movie I knew what my problems were, but still didn't know anything about GID. Luckily for me I live in the North West (US) and heard about a LGBTQQIPA (lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, questioning, intersexed, pansexual, androgyn)  youth center from a couple aquaintances I had. I met other guys that were like me, a couple who had started T already and it really helped me out. The youth center offered free counseling so I took advantage of it for about a year and I learned a lot about trans resources in my area.

The internet wasn't really a big cornerstone for me, it just makes obtaining information more conveniant. If there were no net I would still transition.