My SRS letter

[MaggieB]

Yes, I am holding a page long letter single spaced with my trans history and a recommendation for SRS. The letter was approved by a local gender task force and several professionals. This is an amazing letter. I have been thinking about it being like a diploma in that I have completed the requirements for me to graduate to full womanhood. Still, I can't use the letter other than for an orchi because of the cash involved.  I knew that I am a woman already but to have a group of professionals say I am ready for this surgery is wonderful. I can't really say what the letter's arrival will do long term but no longer will there be any doubt that I am trans now! Then again that subject has not been even remotely discussed here in my household since I went full time.

Oh yes, my SO is also taking time off work to attend my court hearing for my legal name change. That is how far she has come.  She used to think I was just insane. I am so proud of her.



Maggie

[Kate]

Awl, I apologize for the lack of response Maggie!

Of COURSE it's wonderful news! I know what you mean about the "diploma" feeling, lol... I wanted to frame mine and put in on the wall. It felt like after a very long two years, I'd *finally* graduated, as you said... and could finally move on and make my way into The Real World at last.

A BIG congratulatory hug for you!!!!

~Kate~

[MaggieB]

Kate,
Thank you so much. I can relate to your feelings about the upcoming surgery too. I am squeamish beyond belief. I pass out when having my blood taken. I listened to the gals on trans-ponder.com's podcast talk about their orchi procedures and it was all I could do to stay conscious. I was listening in my van, fortunately parked, waiting for my SO to come out from her office when that part of the podcast came on. In seconds, I was not able to see and I heard a loud buzzing. I went white and in a massive cold sweat. In the last seconds before I was to pass out, I flipped my seat back and reclined. That brought me back. I have been this way about anything medical ever since a doctor twisted off my big toenail after a lawn mowing accident when I was ten. He did it without anesthesia saying "Stop screaming, be a man!"   So surgery for me will be a major hill to climb.  Then again, I might just pass out as I enter the hospital doors and wake up after it is over... I wish

Maggie

[Just Mandy]

*Hugs*

Congrats Maggie, I was not on susans till noon lol or I would have responded. Life is really
busy these days.

But it must feel really awesome to be validated by getting your letter. I'm happy for you

Amanda

[Sandy]

49 views and no responses? Gosh a little feedback about this might be nice.
Maggie

Maggie!  I would have responded, but I couldn't find the "Thank You" button! 

Actually I did see your post on the other board, but I was waiting for it to surface here to respond.

Maggie, your fear of surgery undrstandable.  But you will get through it.  Part of overcoming your fears is to discect what really causes you problems.  Perhaps you are visualising too much about the surgery.  You mentioned that you hate the sight of blood as well.

Discuss this with your doctor when you go in to schedule your procedure.  They should be able to help you understand the procedure in such a way as to not cause you any distress.  Or they may be able to prescribe a light tranquilizer prior to the procedure.

By the way, congratulations on another milestone!  You are making remarkable progress now.  You should be proud!

-Sandy

BTW: Love the new picture!  You are really photogenic!

[NicholeW.]

Congratulations, Maggie.

Look at the passing-out matter this way. Have 'em show you some blood as they wheel you to the surgery and you can dispense with the payment for the anaesthesiologist!!

This has had 50+ looks and no comment? Why am I just now finding it up in my unread posts?

Nichole

[MaggieB]

Thanks all. I guess my post just got lost in the amazing number of posts here. Gosh this is a busy site! So many categories. Plus, I am a bit emotional lately with lots of things happening at the same time and HRT to boot. Makes me a little weepy sometimes.

On the passing out thing, I figure it is a matter of desensitivity training. I keep looking at stuff that sets me off and little by little, it gets better and better. 

Sandy, you are a jewel! Thanks so much for your support here and on the "other forum" . It as because of your invitation to join here that I came. I had no idea that so many TS folks were gathering in a forum. It is really cool.

Maggie

[pennyjane]

gosh maggie!!!!  i know what a wonderful, amazing feeling that letter is.  i got three of them, made copies....i thought about running off a hundred or so and posting them on bulletin boards all around town.  <giggle>  of course your s/o is right you know, one has to be completely crazy to follow this path, but what a wonderful insanity it is.  and one need not feel guilty about appreciating some outside validation, we ain't islands, we ain't rocks, we're living, feeling souls who really to want to integrate!  God bless you with...
 

[Virginia87106]

As Carrie said to Miranda in "Sex and the City" the movie, when Miranda was considering getting back with her estranged husband, she told Miranda NOT to put down a list of positives and negatives and make the decision on rationality, but to make the decision on her feelings and emotions.  It was right for her, and it was right for you dear Maggie.
I know we all can justify body mods rationally, but it is much better emotionally.  That is were we KNOW.

[TheBattler]

My Gosh,

Maggie!  I would have responded, but I couldn't find the "Thank You" button! 

That 'Thank you' button is very handy sometimes when you just do to have enough time to know what to say.

I am so glad you are getting things sorted Maggie. I am starting to wonder if/when that will happen to me. I guess it it will come in good time, I hope things go well Maggie.

Alice

[Wendy C]

Congratulations Maggie. I wasnt even going to come here tonight as I'm just really tired but you made it all worth it. I share in your joy and know that another of us is well on their way to fulfillment. What better way could my evening end than this. Hugs

Wendy

[amie]

Yes, I am holding a page long letter single spaced with my trans history and a recommendation for SRS. The letter was approved by a local gender task force and several professionals. This is an amazing letter. I have been thinking about it being like a diploma in that I have completed the requirements for me to graduate to full womanhood. Still, I can't use the letter other than for an orchi because of the cash involved.  I knew that I am a woman already but to have a group of professionals say I am ready for this surgery is wonderful. I can't really say what the letter's arrival will do long term but no longer will there be any doubt that I am trans now! Then again that subject has not been even remotely discussed here in my household since I went full time.

Oh yes, my SO is also taking time off work to attend my court hearing for my legal name change. That is how far she has come.  She used to think I was just insane. I am so proud of her.



Maggie

That was said, and apparently, is bein' taken in a very lady-like fashion. My candollensces on the lack of financial resources for your rightful body. Thats gotta be frustrating. We're just at opposite ends of the spectrum, you and I, so to speak. I don't even have the money to get started. I got an e-mail from a cool Canadian Girl that said thier SRS is covered under thier national health care plan. Despite some of its beuricratic and physician staff descrepancies, I think I'm down with socialized medecine now, howzabout you? I know that and a handful of change might getcha a cup of coffee but I do wishyu a speedee solution.

[caleybug]

I received mine about a month ago, it was a glorious day indeed.

Congrats on your letter, Maggie. =) May your "graduation" make you as happy as humanly possible. =)

[nathan]

I have been this way about anything medical ever since a doctor twisted off my big toenail after a lawn mowing accident when I was ten. He did it without anesthesia saying "Stop screaming, be a man!"

Holy. Friggin. Crap.  Can I get you a cocktail or something chocolate, Maggie?  That must've been absolutely horrifying.

[MaggieB]

I have been this way about anything medical ever since a doctor twisted off my big toenail after a lawn mowing accident when I was ten. He did it without anesthesia saying "Stop screaming, be a man!"

Holy. Friggin. Crap.  Can I get you a cocktail or something chocolate, Maggie?  That must've been absolutely horrifying.

Yeah, I had a very tough childhood. When I told my therapist the complete story, she said that it would be rejected by a movie producer as being too fantastic for people to believe. My whole life has been one "you gotta be kidding me" event after another. I dunno why. Some people are just destined for lives of struggle. I do the best I can to be a good person and to be kind to others. At least, I won't pass it on.

Maggie

[tekla]

rejected by a movie producer as being too fantastic for people to believe

Which is why Hollywood does movies that no one believes in. 

But good for you, one step at a time.

[nathan]

[When I told my therapist the complete story, she said that it would be rejected by a movie producer as being too fantastic for people to believe.

Try me.  We get our ideas from far weirder places. 

<--- movie producer

[MaggieB]

[When I told my therapist the complete story, she said that it would be rejected by a movie producer as being too fantastic for people to believe.

Try me.  We get our ideas from far weirder places. 

<--- movie producer

Seriously?

I am writing a book loosely based on my life. It has a totally fictional ending. 

Maggie

[NicholeW.]

[When I told my therapist the complete story, she said that it would be rejected by a movie producer as being too fantastic for people to believe.

Try me.  We get our ideas from far weirder places. 

<--- movie producer

Seriously?

I am writing a book loosely based on my life. It has a totally fictional ending. 

Maggie

Since, at least you seem alive, that it's not ended yet, exactly how do you know, Mags? >

Hugs,

Nichole

[MaggieB]

[When I told my therapist the complete story, she said that it would be rejected by a movie producer as being too fantastic for people to believe.

Try me.  We get our ideas from far weirder places. 

<--- movie producer

Seriously?

I am writing a book loosely based on my life. It has a totally fictional ending. 

Maggie

Since, at least you seem alive, that it's not ended yet, exactly how do you know, Mags? >

Hugs,

Nichole

Well, that would refer to the loosely based fictional part. Oh yes, at the end, I do get the girl. 


BTW, back on topic, I met with a second psychologist this morning and he is writing SRS letter number two for me.  He asked some pointed questions and responded that I am classic in many of my aspects of gender identity.

One neat thing is that he asked if I had had beard removal and I said none. He was surprised and said that he could see no evidence of my beard. He also asked if I had breast augmentation and I said no. He said that I am lucky to have the development that I have because many late transitioners don't get what I have. It was interesting to me as I have no way of knowing what is "normal" in a late transitioner.  I left feeling very up! It was just in time too because I had a very low day yesterday and I almost gave up and said that I might go back to being Kurt so I could recapture a relationship with my wife. It was not very serious as I am so happy now and I stupidly thought that I could have this happiness and return to being male for her. After about an hour of this wallowing, I remembered that for nearly a decade I had struggled to maintain a male persona and was simply horrible to be around. Going back now would probably kill me and I snapped out of it.  What was I thinking? I guess it might have been like wedding night jitters. I am also heading to court on Friday for a legal name change hearing and I also saw my regular therapist today for the last regular session. Big week.

Maggie