Oh Pica! Excuse me a minute while I go out to the kitchen and pop a bottle of champagne (actually Asti Spumante) to celebrate your return. I've been thinking along similar lines today.
My wife and daughter are out of town, so I have been wrestling with the question of what it is I want. Like you, I want to be treated as a female, though the biggest thing I've done lately is just to switch from a fanny pack to a shoulder bag--British khaki canvas, at that.
Then, it struck me to ask: who do I want to treat me as a female. If I want the world at large to treat me as female, then I should follow the transsexual path. Yet I already know I am not willing to jettison my relation with wife and family. For now, I long to have my wife treat me--as what? Sister? Lesbian lover? The idea is too new; I am not sure. I don't think I need it full-time, but I need sometimes to be something softer than the one who conquers fearsome insects and takes out the garbage. I want her to tell me my skin feels so soft.
In another thread, the question was: what does it mean to be a man or a woman. The answer, as I read it, is, since we are talking about internal gender identification, it means what each of us choose it to mean. For me, when she caresses my nipples, that is a step in the desired direction, but I don't know what the next step is (BTW I erred when I wrote I'd grown to an A cup size. The relevant measurements are 42 inches and 38 inches, and I misread the instructions on how to convert them to size).
She said she will miss watching Gilmore Girls with our college-bound daughter. I, too, have enjoyed watching the show, and suggested the two of us could watch it together. That might be heading in the right direction.
In my mind, I am lithe and agile. In the mirror, I am more like the phrase I use to remember my license plate number--24 inches high, 59 inches wide--and I am clumsy. I'd love to dance on the floor, rather than my partners toes. I'd love to dance creatively, in time with the music, and without thinking "ONE, two, three, four, ONE, two, three, four...." Gladly would I follow my partner's lead.
And pretty, you say? My wife, a few years ago, insisted I buy a black suit. It reminds of the lines from Legally Blonde--a serious person is one who wears black when nobody died. I am used to presenting as a man, but I never feel comfortable in that suit. OTOH I don't think I could be comfortable cross dressing unless I were blindfolded. Laurry complained about being a "woman-wannabe", but if I were as pretty as Laurry or Pica, I'd be on top of the world.
My own horn seems intact, but perhaps I have a better sense of direction now. At least I can come here to be treated as a female. I wonder if I can explain any of this to my wife.
Kiss kiss,
S
