And back into hiding...

[Melissa]

Rafe, what kind of job do you have where you're paid $2000/month to try on jeans at a store?  Are you a manikin?  Congratulations on the progress with your mom.

Melissa

[Kismet]

I still haven't "come out" to my parents... I've considered, but... My dad's the real problem.
He always yells at me, bitches whines and complains that I don't dress like "normal girls" and how he wants his "daughter" to be more "normal" and why, oh why can't I wear pink and flowers and lipstick all the time and be a stupid materialistic bimbo just like he always wanted me to be...

You should have seen the fit he threw when I cut my hair to just above ear-length. I live with my boyfriend right, and he comes and visits me sometimes. And holy hell, the grumbling and complaining. I've tried to tell him that I want to be a boy, that I've always wished I was, but he blows it off and tells me to stop lying. I guess he's just too old fashioned or whatever it is that makes people so pig-headed.

It's really rough. I know they love me in their own way as their daughter... But what I really want them to do is to love me... Unconditionally... As their son.

[Luc]

Kismet, that's how I feel, too. I don't have a boyfriend... I'm straight, and don't have a girlfriend at the time being, either, but I have dated guys in the past, and I tried dressing as a girl in the past... it just doesn't work for me. Even when I dress as a girl (shudder), my folks find things to pick on me about. Just the other day I was talking to my mom about when I was a kid, and she mentioned when I was 7, that I told her I was a boy named Timmy and wouldn't answer to anything else half the time... she said, "You were Timmy a lot." Now, 17 years later, I kind of wish I could just do that again. Say, hey Mom, I'm a guy named Rafe, so I won't answer to anything else, and you've got to just accept me as I am. But I know it won't work. Back then, it was cute. Now, she'd just have a heart attack, then kick me out of the house and out of her life once she'd recovered.

My folks bug me about dressing like a chick, but fortunately for me, I have very broad shoulders and am stocky & muscular, so most women's clothing doesn't fit me, anyway. They've started to realize I'm going to wear men's clothing regardless of what they say or think, and I think by now they've all but given up. My mom tries every once in awhile, but it never works.

Oh, and Melissa, I work in a retail clothing store. Unfortunately, I don't like the clothing there, but it's cool; all I have to do is work my ass off, then use my paycheck for clothes at a store I do like.

Rafe

[Nero]

My folks bug me about dressing like a chick, but fortunately for me, I have very broad shoulders and am stocky & muscular, so most women's clothing doesn't fit me, anyway.

I feel you there, Rafe. I remember being dragged by my mother into the ladies' department as a teenager.
It was comical to say the least. The shirts never fit, but the pants were the worst, as the manufacturers are assuming you have hips of some kind. If I got them big enough to go around my waist, there was too much room everywhere else. As a biological female, I assume I have a female pelvic girdle, but you wouldn't know it to look at me.
The next time your folks start in about the clothes, just tell them you feel uncomfortable because they don't fit. It's the truth anyway.

Nero

[Andrew]

I feel for ya, man! When I first told my dad, he sent me to the mall and made me buy a bunch of girly clothes. (We had a deal--if I dressed as a girl for two weeks, he'd let me get a pet rat.  ) I just bought whatever my mom liked and handed the clothes over to her. It was humiliating having to wear all of those clothes for a whole two weeks.

Keep your head up, Rafe! I hope you can get your own place soon. What a world!

[Luc]

Nice to meet you, Andrew, and thanks for the post... I had a pet rat once. A couple, actually. They drove my folks nuts. Now I just have a dog, and she's even more trouble (but doesn't leave little pellets in the corner of her cage... usually LOL).

My mom's newest thing is giving my little brother (he's 16) preferential treatment, and he's revelling in it. He's been about the biggest jerk he could be, even lying to my folks, telling them I've been spending their money on all kinds of frivolous stuff, which is crap. This is just exacerbating the situation, as well as the fact that I don't get a paycheck for another 2 weeks and am dirt broke until then.

At least I started my 2nd job today... it's lower pay than my full-time, which sucks, but the perks are good... I'm selling Le Creuset cookware, some of the highest-priced stuff on earth, and I get it 75% off. Not a bad deal. Unfortunately, though, I still have to come back to my parents' house every night, and get yelled at or whatever, and I still have to go by my female name, which I hate with a passion, and not bind. I'm stagnating in my transition, and it sucks. I just have to stick it out 7 more weeks

Rafe

[Mario]

Rafe,
   You are handling it much better than I would at your age. Like Taylor said, use initials instead of your female name. I did that at a job I had in my hometown before I moved out here to California gosh 20 years ago. But anyway, I could not stand them calling me by my female name so I said just call me "M" so they did. Also, maybe you can bind if you wear big shirts, so people wont notice and you will feel better because those things are strapped down.

                                            Marco

[taylor]

Rafe,

Man bro my heart really goes out to you.  I can actually feel the feelings you are having boil up inside of you...been there many many years ago...there will come a day this will truly be a distant memory at best... hang in there!!! I promise you that this can get better, and you are busting ass to get through it, so you will get through this!

Peace
Taylor

[Kismet]

It's rough with me, too. My family of course, since I'm finding it so difficult to even attempt to "come out" to them, call me my female name and all that. They're not bad names... I just... I'm a DUDE. Dudes aren't named "Alida Gabrielle."
My names are "Draeden Tobias" and that's the way it is. Or at least, the way I'd like it to be.

I know what it's like to be yelled and screamed at. I'm the only child so I can't say much for the sibling part of it, but my mother is perhaps one of the least understanding, least reasonable, and hardest to talk to people in the world. She's the kind of person that will FREAK if you leave a cup on a counter.
Not ask you to put it back -- Just freak.

My boyfriend and I have to stay at her place because we're in between apartments. We were evicted from our last place because they were doing quite illegal 'renovations.' It's a long story, but... The skinny of it is is that we live in Victoria, THE most expensive place in BC Canada, and we're in the low income bracket. I was forced to leave home when I was 14 for... Well, abuse reasons, and so I had to dump my last year of school for a full time work position. I moved in with him, that happened, and we just can't find ANYTHING in this whole damn town for less than or par $600/mo. It sucks.

So here we are, once again in World War III camp at my mother's and the street is starting to look more and more appealing. We get berated, yelled at, objects thrown at us and forced to do their housework in addition to paying them rent. It sucks and we want out.
But we're stuck.

... Wow, sorry for my off-topic ramble but... Yeah, Rafe, I know what it's like and I sympathise completely. I wish you luck, man.

[Buffy]

Hi Guys....

I truly feel for you, parents are a special challenge and something I did not enjoy.

But as Taylor said, there will be a time when all this will be in the past, that is for sure.

My Mom died last year and my Dad, even 6 years after transition sometimes calls me by my old name (although this is habit rather than spite) and I forgive him. Just a bit off putting when he shouts it across a crowded restraunt.

Rafe .... Special hugs for you hun, must be a depressing situation (short term) but never stop believing (Hey... I once drove to France to buy some Le Creuset pans for my ex!). One of the last things I did for my boss before I went full time was go to a conference, had to wear a suit, tie, shirts, guys shoes and even had to put my hair in a pony tail..... I cried my eyes out everynight at the hotel... I hated it.

Kismet .... Draeden Tobias, great name, I love it and again hang on in there it will get better.

I agree with Marco... just use your initials guys (ironically mine used to be M.A.N - never have forgiven my parents)


Buffy

(Alias Rebecca)