So what good is a Carry Letter anyway?

[Suzy]

OK, so now I have one, along with instructions to keep a copy on me, another in the car, and one for my files.  It is officially and duly recorded.  Feels really great to have it, but honestly, what good does it do?

My understanding is that it is supposed to keep cops from hassling you about just trying to do the things you need to do.  Around here, though, I know cops who would likely tear it up and keep laughing.  They may get their hands slapped later, but by then the damage is done.

So honestly, will it do anything other than make me feel good to have it?  (That is, provided I somehow have a need for it, which would not be a good thing.)

Maybe another way of asking is whether or not anyone has actually used theirs.  If so, would you share that with us?

Kristi

[Mnemosyne]

My endoc forced one onto me after a bad run in with the local brownshirts that were conducting a routine tax collection along the roadways (they call them DUI checkpoints). I have never presented it to anyone at all so I cannot say that they are needed. Heck I never would have had one at all if it were not for that incident and her insisting on it. I even said no thanks a couple of times before she handed it to me.

Anyone else?

[Janet_Girl]

I have one now, ... erh... somewhere    It is suppose to be a get out of trouble card, I guess.  But I now wonder if I really need it, because my license states female.

Janet

[rhondabythebay]

So honestly, will it do anything other than make me feel good to have it?  (That is, provided I somehow have a need for it, which would not be a good thing.)

Kristi

Not likely, IMHO.

I asked my therapist for one before traveling cross country and back, but he kind of scoffed at the idea. He said the further I got from northern ca, into the interior of the country, the more I'd be perceived as a woman. He was right. As it turns out I've never needed one, and now that I'm full time, never think of it.

Hugs,

Rhonda

[Wendy C]

I have one that is about a month old. The only thing I have done was to give a copy to my Employee Assistance Officer to start the process to transition at work. I suppose if you were collared by a mall cop or something like that for using the appropriate gendered restroom it might come in handy. I usually try to avoid bathrooms where the are a lot of young girls or children, just in case. My Therapist said she wanted me to have it but has never had a client have to use it.

Wendy

[Buffy]

Maybe another way of asking is whether or not anyone has actually used theirs.  If so, would you share that with us?

I guess it would come in handy if you are in a rest room stall and there is no toilet paper left and you have no tissue.

A piece of paper is not going to stop anyone discriminating against you if they are that bigotted.

Buffy

[cindianna_jones]

I suppose it depends on what you are going to roll it with...

It might be handy if you get into one of those southern towns in the tank.  But then again.... maybe not. 

You're right... what good does it do?  What happens when someone sees it..... who shouldn't be poking in your business?

Cindi

[Sheila]

I don't think they do any good, but give you security and peace of mind. I had one and never used it. I carried it around and finally stuck it in my file cabinet for a momento.

[Kate]

I used mine to "break the ice" when I came out to the management at work. I started each meeting (I met with each Officer individually) by handing them the letter and asking them to read it.

Longest 15 seconds of my life each time.

It was a short letter, basically saying something like, "Kate is under my care as a transsexual, and is following the accepted process of transitioning to be female. Please extend her the same rights and privileges as you would any other female."

Which certainly got the conversation going, lol...

I never used it otherwise, although I still carry it for now. I started a thread once about how much that bugs me now to do. But until my documents say "F" on them, I figure it's still a good idea, even if I find it sorta humiliating now.

~Kate~

[Northern Jane]

They didn't have such a thing back when I would have needed it. I never even had a copy of "the recommendation letter" - it went from the psychiatrist straight to the surgeon. But I wished I had SOMETHING on my return trip from Colorado to Canada in 1974 but I never even thought of it!

During my recovery in hospital, I gave away the last of my boy clothes to my nurse's boyfriend and went merrily on my way totally female. It never dawned on me there might be a problem until I was approaching Canada Customs & Immigration at the Toronto airport - I certainly did not LOOK male but I didn't have a single piece of female I.D. to re-enter my home country with! 

I snuggled up close to the young man I had been chatting with on the plane and fortunately the customs officer assumed we were a couple and passed us through on the young man's I.D. That was CLOSE! 

[Sandy]

I carried one for the longest time.  It got pretty ratty looking after a while.

I never had to show it, but it did give me a bit of confidence.  Much like a skyhook I guess.

I finally retired it about six months ago when I realized that I could never pass as a male again so what was the point?  It has a loving place in my files where I documented the transistion from before to after.

-Sandy

[NicholeW.]

I cannot imagine what good it would do.

If you're stopped and harassed by a cop, a jerk cop, do ya really think he's gonna look at a letter from some therapist perhaps miles and miles away and suddenly say, "O, ma'am (or sir,) I'm so sorry for hearassing you the way I've been doing. Here let me fix that nasty black eye (whatever it might be) and get you back into your car. I'll make sure you get medical attention asap for that nasty gash over your left eye that I put there with my billy-club. My gawd!! Why didn't yiu show me that letter from the git go?!!"

If you think that scenario is one that's likely to happen, get a "carry-letter." If ya don't, then you probably don't require one anyway, unless, as Syne said, you need emergerncy TP.

Nichole 

[Kate]

If you're stopped and harassed by a cop, a jerk cop, do ya really think he's gonna look at a letter from some therapist perhaps miles and miles away and suddenly say, "O, ma'am (or sir,) I'm so sorry for hearassing you the way I've been doing. Here let me fix that nasty black eye (whatever it might be) and get you back into your car. I'll make sure you get medical attention asap for that nasty gash over your left eye that I put there with my billy-club. My gawd!! Why didn't yiu show me that letter from the git go?!!"

A letter might help with the naive police officer, store clerk, etc. who knows little about GID, and who would otherwise assume someone is simply "crossdressing" for devious reasons.

In any case, it certainly doesn't hurt to carry one.

~Kate~

[Drik]

Interesting.
Is it common that the police harass and use violence against MtFs?
Ive never heard of such an incident here.

A little OT on violence
(isnt it interesting that so many women (xy and xx women) are afraid to walk outside when its dark, or walk home alone when the most dangerous place for a woman is at home with her partner. Domestic violence is more common that any other type of violence (against women). Apparently, violence in lesbian relationships are more common than violence in gay relationships. Anyway, this is Sweden.)

[Suzy]

In any case, it certainly doesn't hurt to carry one.
~Kate~

That's pretty much what she said as she gave it to me.  It depends at least partly on what county you are in around here.  But, if something happened and there were some kind of charges filed, or violence done, and they were told about or shown the letter beforehand, then the letter might become very useful because it is the record of a legal diagnosis, also recorded in the therapist's files.

Kristi

[NicholeW.]

If you're stopped and harassed by a cop, a jerk cop, do ya really think he's gonna look at a letter from some therapist perhaps miles and miles away and suddenly say, "O, ma'am (or sir,) I'm so sorry for hearassing you the way I've been doing. Here let me fix that nasty black eye (whatever it might be) and get you back into your car. I'll make sure you get medical attention asap for that nasty gash over your left eye that I put there with my billy-club. My gawd!! Why didn't yiu show me that letter from the git go?!!"

A letter might help with the naive police officer, store clerk, etc. who knows little about GID, and who would otherwise assume someone is simply "crossdressing" for devious reasons.

In any case, it certainly doesn't hurt to carry one.

~Kate~

Yeah, I spoz it makes a crutch. If that makes someone feel better, I spoz it's worth having one.

N~

[MaggieB]

I have one and pushed really hard to get it from my former therapist. He was not that concerned about it but did so per my wishes. He wrote a nice letter and another psychologist from the clinic also signed it. I never used it and still carry it in my purse. However, it was vital in three circumstances.
First, my SO saw it as she was getting something from my purse and asked to read it. I agreed and it caused her to take another step towards acceptance of me having a transgender condition.
Second, the date on the letter served to document when I started seeing a therapist and this was important for my physician to write her letter of recommendation for surgery.
Third, My current therapist also used it to help her write my GRS letter.

Maggie

[Kate]

Yeah, I spoz it makes a crutch. If that makes someone feel better, I spoz it's worth having one.

The letter is more than just a placebo. The rights of pre-ops are questionable at best in most states, and anything signed by a professional has gotta help when confronted by the naive store clerk or police officer who has no clue about GID, and wants to know why someone with an "M" on their Driver's License is using the women's dressing room.

It's not like the world is just filled with people looking for excuses to beat up TSs. Maybe I'm guilty of projecting my own experience, but I figure the most common "problem" (if any happen at all) is going to be with someone who's merely naive and looking for an explanation, rather than someone who's going to be abusive and cruel no matter what.

~Kate~

[NicholeW.]

Kate,

The letter is only as good as those it's seen by. That's a wide-range of people. Those cops I wrote about a few months ago spent 45 minutes to hassle me about something they knew within 10 minutes. A letter was not gonna make any difference, imo.

Yes, your experience differs and I'm glad it does. And I sincerely hope that it remains differing.

As well, having worked with judges, cops and lawyers off and on for a lot of years in larger cities and smaller ones I already know that they tend to dislike paying too very much attention to mental health professionals anyway. The tendency I've seen is to presume that the professional has a "too soft heart" and is having something "pulled over" their eyes.

The cops in your town may be different, especially given the nature of the place and its draw of people. That's definitely true.

Just as that experience for me tended to make me rather cynical of small town cops in a state that does have legal protections.

Nichole

[pennyjane]

i got one very early in transition from my therapist.  it looked all offical, professional letterhead and all...and it did make me feel pretty good.  i guess a little external validation is good for the soul.

i never used it and it, too, got somewhat ratty in my purse, and my next purse and next and so on.  when i got the court order for my name change i kept them together and they both kept getting rattier and rattier.  then i got the letter from my surgeon and after using it for all the official stuff i put it up in a nice safe place.

the truth is i have never had a bad experience out in public.  i have used the ladies' room from the time i first put a dress on, regardless of how i passed.  i try clothes on at the store, i <blush>  did get stopped by a cop....daggone seatbelt!  but, nothing was said.  i come and go as i please, day or night.  i'm not at all afraid of stopping in places i'm not known, or places i don't know.  nothing is perfect, but i think attitude is what makes the difference.  if one expects acceptance she usually will get it. 

i can see circumstances where it might be of value when one doesn't have other documentation so...i wouldn't discard it or undervalue it.  it doesn't take up much room so.....