Today was a hard day at church. It was probably the last time I will be doing music there - and no one in the congregation knew.
Music lets the soul express emotions that are beyond simple words. Several times I couldn't sing. It took every bit of concentration to simply keep playing. I am SO glad I was not solo tonight.
Last weekend, I had a conversation with my pastor. I had decided earlier that there was no way I could stay at my parish. My support network is 'round the world (here!). My SO's support net is at that parish. How could I rob her of the support she so desperately needs? Support that I receive from everyone here and others?
I couldn't. I won't. So it was time to leave.
The priest knows about the separation. He also knows about my ->-bleeped-<-. He "urged" me not to make it widely known. So much for being an open-minded parish! My choir director knows that I am leaving - have left! She understands. So do a few members of the choir.
Today after Mass, I had to sit there and compose myself before I could move.
I went back to the choir room, packed up my music, guitar, microphone and cords. On the chalkboard I wrote the words to the first stanza of
Poor Wayfaring Stranger and left a hardcopy of the song. Beneath it I wrote "I will miss you all! Godspeed!"
I don't know where the Good Lord will send me next, but I know God will send me to another parish. God has been using me as a wandering trubador for over 30 years now. SOmetimes I land in a place where I can teach. SOmetimes I land in a parish where I can learn.
Before I left, I walked into the main chappel one last time as a music minister there. We talked. I told God that I wasn't ready to leave - I didn't want to go! But I didn't see an alternative. So I asked God to send me where He will. Let me be His hands, feet and voice. To help lift up the downhearted, and help raise higher the light in heart.
The Gospel tonight was
"Jesus called to him the twelve, and began to send them out two by two, and gave them authority over the unclean spirits. He charged them to take nothing for their journey except a staff; no bread, no bag, no money in their belts; but to wear sandals and not put on two tunics. And he said to them, "Where you enter a house, stay there until you leave the place. And if any place will not receive you and they refuse to hear you, when you leave, shake off the dust that is on your feet for a testimony against them..." Well, if there was a gospel more appropriate for today, I can't think of it
I am a poor wayfaring stranger
While journeying through this world of woe;
And there's no sickness, toil nor danger
In that bright land to which I go.
I'm going there to see my Father,
I'm going there no more to roam;
I'm only going o'er the Jordan,
I'm only going over home.
I know dark clouds will gather 'round me,
I know my way is rough and steep;
And beautiful fields lie just before me,
Where God's redeemed there vigils keep.
I'm going there to see my Father,
I'm going there no more to roam;
I'm only going o'er the Jordan,
I'm only going over home.
<instrumental>
I'm going there to see my mother,
I'm going there no more to roam;
I'm only going o'er the Jordan,
I'm only going over home.
I want to wear that crown of glory,
When I get home to that good land;
Well I want to shout salvation's story,
In concert with ohh the blood-washed band,
I'm going there to see my Saviour,
I'm going there no more to roam;
I'm only going o'er the Jordan,
I'm only going over home.
I'm only going o'er the Jordan.
I'm only going over home.
