Today was a hard day at church.  It was probably the last time I will be doing music there - and no one in the congregation knew.

Music lets the soul express emotions that are beyond simple words.  Several times I couldn't sing.  It took every bit of concentration to simply keep playing.  I am SO glad I was not solo tonight.

Last weekend, I had a conversation with my pastor.  I had decided earlier that there was no way I could stay at my parish.  My support network is 'round the world (here!).  My SO's support net is at that parish.  How could I rob her of the support she so desperately needs?  Support that I receive from everyone here and others?

I couldn't.  I won't.  So it was time to leave.

The priest knows about the separation.  He also knows about my ->-bleeped-<-.  He "urged" me not to make it widely known.  So much for being an open-minded parish!  My choir director knows that I am leaving - have left!  She understands.  So do a few members of the choir.

Today after Mass, I had to sit there and compose myself before I could move.

I went back to the choir room, packed up my music, guitar, microphone and cords.  On the chalkboard I wrote the words to the first stanza of Poor Wayfaring Stranger and left a hardcopy of the song.  Beneath it I wrote "I will miss you all!  Godspeed!"

I don't know where the Good Lord will send me next, but I know God will send me to another parish.  God has been using me as a wandering trubador for over 30 years now.  SOmetimes I land in a place where I can teach.  SOmetimes I land in a parish where I can learn.

Before I left, I walked into the main chappel one last time as a music minister there.  We talked.  I told God that I wasn't ready to leave - I didn't want to go!  But I didn't see an alternative.  So I asked God to send me where He will.  Let me be His hands, feet and voice.  To help lift up the downhearted, and help raise higher the light in heart.

The Gospel tonight was "Jesus called to him the twelve, and began to send them out two by two, and gave them authority over the unclean spirits. He charged them to take nothing for their journey except a staff; no bread, no bag, no money in their belts; but to wear sandals and not put on two tunics. And he said to them, "Where you enter a house, stay there until you leave the place. And if any place will not receive you and they refuse to hear you, when you leave, shake off the dust that is on your feet for a testimony against them..."

Well, if there was a gospel more appropriate for today, I can't think of it

So here's a question for you Chaunte.  I guess this may depend on how well you pass, but are you specifically looking for a TG friendly parish/church or are you simply looking for a parish/church to practice your religion/faith?

When you've answered that question will you come out to the pastor/priest of this new parish/church, or will you just blend in and hope that no one will discover your secret?

Maybe it's not a fair question as I'm asking you in public if you would lie, or omit certain details about your
life to your pastor.

Just a thought

Steph

Hi Chaunte:

God has a message for you: http://www.promiseofgod.com/letter/



Always remember that God is always there in whatever shape or form, but he is there...



tinkerbell

Chaunte,
What a truly decent thing you are doing.  I hope your wife realises the sacrifice you are making on her behalf (I suspect she does).

I keeps striking me the huge price you are determined to pay to be yourself.  Sadly I have not got that strength/determination/desire/need,  so unlike Chaunte, Rana backs off into the shadows

Chaunte, I can't say it better than cindianna did "Chaunte, your faith goes with you wherever you go.  You will get to know new people.  You will share with them. You will learn to love them and get the fellowship that you need."
I have no doubt that wherever you go you will find people who are unhappy with the idea of ->-bleeped-<-,  equally you will also find people who will accept you as you are.  I know you are a "glass half full" type of person (me I am the other sort   ) so, for you it wont be a problem in the long run

Love
Rana

Sooooo....

Tonight, Sunday, I went to my first LGBT liturgy.  First off, I was surprised at how few people were there - maybe 25 tops.  Seventy-five percent were male.  The music was fair - I asked if they could use another guitarist and the answer was "Yes!"  I still want to check out "regular" liturgy before I say I have found a new place to roost.  One thing St. Andrew's has going for them is that the LGBT community is accepted as an important part of the parish.  A couple stories were shared with me that gave me a good feeling about the place.

While I was asking if they could use another guitarist, I mentioned that I am a male-to-female transgendered individual.  Come to find out that the woman playing guitar is also transgendered.  So, there is another good reason to keep attending.


Steph - Fair question, and I don't mind giving a public answer.  I think our problem is that we try and disappear!  The general public doesn't care about the TG community because we do disappear into the woodwork.  While a LGBT liturgy provides a safe place to worship, I also had this image of being segregated into a leper colony!  As if all of us are "unclean!"  If I am going to be damned, I am going to be damned for who I am.  So, I am looking for a parish that will accept me for being me.

Tink - Thank you.  I know that God is always there and hears all prayers - even if the answer is sometimes "No."  I know that the Almighty weaps with me when I cry, and laughs & dances for joy with me as well.

Cindi - My faith does go with me.  It's just that I thought I had found a home - a place where I could worship and grow.  Instead, I had to knock the dust off my shoes and carry on.  Being in ministry means being willing to go where you are sent, even if you don't want to leave.  And I love your poem.  THank you.

Rana - I think Laura knows, and I would like to think she even appreciates it.  Being true to myself means being free.  Freedom is not free.  True freedom comes at a cost.  For a patriot, it means being willing to lay down ones life.  For us, it means being willing to sacrifice all that we hold dear so that we can be our true selves.  ANd I believe that is true for everyone, not just the LGBT community.

I did this hymn at my last mass at St. Agustine's and my first at St. Andrew's.  Both times I couldn't sing all of it and the tears just rolled down my cheeks.

The Summons  - John Bell

Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown?  Will you let my name be known?
Will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?

Will you leave your self behind if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer pray'r in you and you in me?

Will you let the blinded see if I but call your name?
Will you set the prisoner free and never be the same?
Will you kiss the leper clean, and do such as tis unseen,
And admit to what I meanin you and you in me?

Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?
Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around,
Through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?

Lord, your summons echoes true when you but call my name.
Let me turn and follow you and never be the same.
In your company I'll go where your love and footsteps show.
Thus I'll move and live and grow in you and you in me.