why is there no SO activity?

[questions]

I was just wondering why there doesn't seem to be that much activity on this board?
I would think the SOs would have plenty of questions, it is hard to know how to deal with all that is happening to our family members/loved ones.  It is always nice to know there are others out there who know exactly what we are going through.  That's all, just a question.

[lady amarant]

I've wondered this myself. I keep trying to get people close to me to join this forum, but they site the fear of offending or intruding as their main reason for either not posting, or not joining at all. This seems rather silly to me, since I would love for the people close to me to be able to go somewhere and find the same kind of love, support and acceptance as I've found at Susan's.

Any ideas on how we can fix this?

~Simone.

[NicholeW.]

I'm not sure there is a "fix" not one easily made. There was a time here when this board had a whole lot more traffic than it's had in the past few months.

I'd simply suggest that as SOs meet others IRL who are dealing with similar issues that they recommend the SO-Forum here as a place to come to.

We had one SO who came by last night (EST) and posted an intro here. As a mod I felt the need to move her post to "Introductions" so it wouldn't get lost in the quiet here.

You can now find it here.

Plus, I'd simply suggest that SOs try to reach out to each other on the board and form a close "knot" of people who will be a core around which new SOs can cluster.

I love the idea of this particular board since I think it can be a wonderful place for transitioners and androgynes and other gender-variant people to see what it's like from the other side of our own situations.

I think it would be fantastic if questions, Tim Tam & soleil as strictly SOs, and any others still on the boards, along with board members like Alison, JC, Wing Walker, cindybc, ell, Lisbeth, Tink and Chris who are all both SOs and gender-variants could find a way to make this board sing again. I can only see value in that.

Nichole

[Drik]

Only trans* forum where Ive seen any activity from SOs is the transe-generation forums. ^^
but the average age there is 19, so, hm.

[ftmshubbie]

I think the answer is pretty straightforward. Susan's is clearly a place for transpeople, and most SOs are seeking out support and information in forums where there are not trans folks reading their posts. Remember that SOs need to learn a lot and adjust a lot to the revelation that their partners/spouses are trans...and just what that means for their relationships and their own identities.

I am an spouse of a transman, and I have worked and communicated with hundreds of SOs, and I, too, wish more would come here to Susan's because it is a safe place, and a clearinghouse of great information. SPouses/partners could learn a lot reading the forums, and I think trans folks would learn quite a bit from the SOs.

We need much more dialogue between trans people and their non-trans partners-not only at home, but out here in the virtual marketplace of ideas.

I'm staff on Susan's chat, and I can be found in the #Chat lounge almost every evening sometime between 8 and 11 Eastern time. Do stop by and visit if you're an SO seeking info, support, or just affirmation that you are not alone. My forum name here is ftmshubbie, but on the chats I go by "dan." Hope to see more folks here and there.

D

[questions]

FTMShubby- I think that makes a lot of sense thank you.
And thank you to all who responded.  It always is nice to know there are people who understand

[Elwood]

Because I'm a single worthless slime! -swoon-

No, seriously. People won't date me. They keep a distance because they don't know what to do with me. I confuse them. I guess it's because I don't push my gender identity hard enough to be pronounced. But I deny my birthsex enough that they're not sure what I am. Thus, they find it hard to commit to me.

I also find it hard to commit to others. I find it hard to trust people in general. I also know a lot of relationships demand intimacy, and in my current world, I can't be intimate. So I find it just safe not to date. I'm 18. It's not like my life is wasting away. I've got many years ahead of me to start dating...

[TamTam]

Tim Tam?  Was that me? Lol..

The reason I don't post here [in the SO forum] much is because.. a lot of the questions I have/had, I can just ask my girlfriend.  Anything else, I would rather just lurk around the boards and learn things on my own.   I'm not somebody that needs a whole lot of support from the 'outside' since I'm lucky enough to live in a fairly liberal and accepting area, and my mom is accepting as well which is all I need out of my family.  So then I'm not sure what to post here- there's no real questions, there's no crisis that I need commiseration on or anything, I'm not confused or upset about anything, and I don't need explanations.. and when other SOs do come here and post their questions, I don't really feel qualified to answer since my situation is always pretty different from theirs.  I'd feel silly talking about something I don't know about.

I think it could be that.. once a forum loses activity, it makes new people less likely to post there.  Like, I'd be disinclined to post in a place where no one else really posted, since I'd assume no one would see it or care.  It's a harsh cycle.

Maybe if there were questions people had for us?  Like.. er.. I don't know.. 'How did you react' or "Does it make you see yourself differently" and such.  Then we'd have things to focus on and answer and start discussions from there?

[Hazumu]

The short answer is, there is SO activity, but not here. 

Where?  I don't know.  I don't want to know.  They need a place of their own to mourn their loss.  The 5 (or 6) stages of grief take around a year and a half -- IF one doesn't become stuck at one of the stages and can't let go of the denial/anger/bargaining, etc.

Karen

[ftmshubbie]

The short answer is, there is SO activity, but not here. 

Where?  I don't know.  I don't want to know.  They need a place of their own to mourn their loss.  The 5 (or 6) stages of grief take around a year and a half -- IF one doesn't become stuck at one of the stages and can't let go of the denial/anger/bargaining, etc.

Karen

Karen, ae you assuming that all TG/TS people only have grieving SOs?  Now of course I did some grieving as I came to fully grasp the effects of my spouse's transitioning, but as it happens our relationship is probably much better in many ways than it was before the transition. I still seek out support from other's--transpeople and SOs, and that is quite natural, it seems to me.

Dan

[glendagladwitch]

My SO says he'll join, when he has time.  I'll get him to sign up tonight.  He's not grieving either, since we met long after my transition.  I'm still trying to figure out how to chat here, though.

[pennyjane]

my annie did grieve her loss.  she did it openly and honestly, and fortunately she didn't blame me....well...not much and not for long.  the only anger i heard from her was when i was trying to tell her about how i'd killed "him".  that took a little reconciliation.

she's not a very complicated person.  i've tried to get her to talk in places such as this.  she just says, "what i have to say can be done in one sentence.  i love pennyjane, not her gender, her looks, her wealth, her intelligence or her background,  that's about it."

<whew>  glad it wouldn't wouldn't take any of those things, i'm a little short this life.