Why do I sometimes get the feeling I've invaded a preschool?

[Pica Pica]

but you're both fine now?

[Shana A]

I sat beside her still crying and asked her if she was OK several times before she responded there was nothing broken as far as she knew except for one bad scrape on her lower right leg the rest was only superficial, she was OK. I really believe there was a force at work there, she could have got hurt much worst. This was why I wasn't on the waves today. Wing Walker is OK but I still kind of feel stressed out. I really don't know why I am posting this here except for hoping someone will notice I exist and will respond. It's like I am invisible on the other threads lately. Thank you

Cindy, I'm glad to hear that she survived the fall and is OK.

hugs,

Z

[Kinkly]

so is everything ok now cindy?   hugs 4 both of you

[Lokaeign]

I feel a need to share something else. My mate Wing Walker Last evening was up on the walk frying us up some pork chops on the barbecue. I just felt something like a tingling Like my body had just been invaded by a whole nest of ants that were crawling all over me. I then felt this panic then I heard this crash and Wing Walker screaming all happening in no more then two seconds.

I ran to the edge of the walk and there was no steps, they were gone, then I looked below and saw Wing Walker sprawled on top of the steps which had collapsed to the cement floor bellow. I couldn't get down to do anything all I could do was walk back and forth crying uncontrollably. I screamed in hopes the land lord or someone in the house would come out. By the time someone got a step ladder I made certain to be the first one to climb down. By this time Wing Walker was still in shock but in control.

I sat beside her still crying and asked her if she was OK several times before she responded there was nothing broken as far as she knew except for one bad scrape on her lower right leg the rest was only superficial, she was OK. I really believe there was a force at work there, she could have got hurt much worst. This was why I wasn't on the waves today. Wing Walker is OK but I still kind of feel stressed out. I really don't know why I am posting this here except for hoping someone will notice I exist and will respond. It's like I am invisible on the other threads lately. Thank you

Much love

Cindy

Oh, blimey!  How terrifying for you both.  I hope you're doing okay now and not too rattled?  *hugs*

[cindybc]

Hi all, well I beleive she is recovering remarkably well, my emotions are just lagging a wee bit behind her recovery I believe.

Bitch time.

As for the structural integrity of the stairs in question, (((it sucked!))) It came too close to loosing Wing Walker to suit me. Well of course my Wing Walker is more important to me then to go on a vengeance looking to sue the ass off some hypothetical building engineer I have no idea in tarnation where this hypothetical person/s lives to begin with. I know that if it came to that Wing Walker is quite resourceful in making such person/s appear.

The report

Well after Wing Walkers little encounter with the stairs, We discovered that the stairs were not that old, four years old. The problem was they were *nailed* into the concrete with nails 3/16 X 4 inches long and they only went 2 inches into the concrete. The same type of nails were also used to anchor the bottom of  stairs and after four years of usage it was enough to loosen the nails.

We have a steel framed staircase with 10" runners and they are anchored into the concrete with lag bolts. It ain't going to be going anywhere any time soon. This decision Wing Walker and I have been batting back and forth for some time, and nothing to do with the stairs, but I believe that Wing Walker and I will probably be looking for other accommodations that are closer to being in the country, probably some time next year. I wish I still had the truck and camper I use to have, and just live where ever we park the dang thing.

Well I do thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for responses.

Brighteyes

[vanna]

Ohh nooo thats terrible cindy but im really glad to read the update that wingwalker is going to be okay. I would of just died if i saw that.

Big hugs to you both and hoping wingwalker makes a full recovery.

Btw dont feel invisible because your not.

X

[cindybc]

Hi Vanna thank you so much for your response. Well this will certainly be cause for me to remember all the nice folks here in this androgyne forum and friends for giving me some suport and compassion, and above all for letting me express my personal hurt on this thread.

Cindy

[Wing Walker]

This posting is to all of the wonderful people who have read and replied to this thread:

I most sincerely thank all of you for the kindness, caring, and empathy that you have shown to Cindy and me.  I cannot tell how much of a blessing you are to me.  I suppose that if you really get me into a group arm-twist I'll elaborate just a wee. Please make it my right arm as the left is a bit swollen.

Thank you again.

Love always,

Wing Walker
Flying is a lot safer than a set of stairs!

[Nero]

Glad to hear you're ok, hon.

[Simone Louise]

I think Cindy and Wing Walker have provided an example of how the Androgyne Pre-school playground should and generally does work. It is a place for boo-boos to be acknowledged (and I too am glad that Wing Walker's injury, scary as it was, was not more serious). It is a place where we learn to socialize, to recognize each other as individuals, and to share nicely.

I know my mother wrote my college adviser to warn him that I was naive, and I probably am to this day. To borrow a line from Ann Frank, I still believe that people are good at heart. And I am one of those who sit cross-legged in rapt attention when Nero speaks. Nero, you have experiences that are far beyond my ken and you write articulately. Still I am not shocked. Anything you say that is too adult for my ears, probably goes above my head. And the local police generally give us a lot of leeway.

Bye bye,
S

[Lokaeign]

I have to say, though...
I find the pre-schooler model problematic.
I like to inject a little playfulness into my interactions with others when I can.
But I'm not a kid.

My life has wound through some painful, difficult places--places where you can't stay a kid.
I know there are plenty of horror stories, worse--far worse--than mine, especially here.
But I'm a long way from the playground.  If I'd clung to the child in me, I wouldn't have survived.

Manifesting maturity outwith the norms of gender is difficult.  I can go to work.  I can pay my bills on time.  I can care for those who need me.  I can strive to better myself.  I can perform my spiritual duties.  My hair can grey and my joints can seize up.  And I still won't be seen as a proper grown-up, because a lot of the performative elements of "grown-up-ness" are performative elements of gender.

Somewhere there's a scabby-kneed boygirl sitting on a tree-branch, picking dried aeroplane glue off one knuckle and humming a made-up song.  But ze doesn't come around much anymore.

[Shana A]

Great points Loka!!

I would say that as an artist, I always maintain a sense of childlike wonder. I look at everything as always new and so from this viewpoint can create my music, poetry, writing, art.... In many ways I include gender in that view, I am often amazed or surprised at the way humans seem to need to gender everything. This isn't my natural state.

At the same time as having my inner childlike Z, I also know how to play the part of a responsible adult. I show up to work on time, do my job well, make money, pay my bills, cook meals, care for my family...

Zythyra

[cindybc]

Well I do believe I am child-like mostly for the reason that I spent a good thirty years hiding from this so called reality. I have had and some dreams that appear and feel more real than this life. I lived much of the time in the confines of my own mind and found it to be a much more wonderful and exciting world within that mind. Naive for sure, I still am, but if someone was to try to hurt me, Wing Walker says she would bust that person's arm off.

Mind you, I am responsible with my life in this reality, I do what needs to be done and make the right decisions accordingly. That I have no problems with. I do it, then I get gone again. Sometimes I bring Wing Walker along on my exploration of the mind.  If I drift away too far Wing Walker brings me back to the present reality. "YUCK!!!" I hate that word. I would sooner do the Tinkerbell thing and get lost in the mists of Avalon, or how about Kokomo Island, maybe  Hanalee.  Not referring to you Tink, ciao. Or how about the Little Mermaid on Mars when it was a water-world? This could prove to be fun and oh!, I must remember to bring my dragon and Gertrude the ghost along with me.

Well that's enough of that, you see,  it would take a couple of pages to introduce you all to my imaginary pets and imaginary friends. I believe that I am attempting to do here is rejoining soul and body together by way of reliving past experiences and replacing them with this redheaded, befreckled little girl with a missing tooth reliving my past through the little girl. OK, maybe I'm a wee bit balmy, but at least I am having more fun in the world of imagination than most people living in this reality 24/7. I only seek to grow up to be a loving, caring lady who likes to take time out to play now and again.

Cindy

[Lokaeign]

Doesn't sound barmy at all.  It sounds, in fact, like a perfectly healthy and adaptive way of exploring and fulfilling your gender.

*Grins at little red-headed girl and beeps her nose*

[NickSister]

I know my mother wrote my college adviser to warn him that I was naive, and I probably am to this day. To borrow a line from Ann Frank, I still believe that people are good at heart. And I am one of those who sit cross-legged in rapt attention when Nero speaks. Nero, you have experiences that are far beyond my ken and you write articulately. Still I am not shocked. Anything you say that is too adult for my ears, probably goes above my head. And the local police generally give us a lot of leeway.

I was really Naive too - especially when I started Uni. I feel like I have learnt some wisdom now though. Nero just makes me feel girly, maybe even dirty school girly, I like that.

I think we are generally not as inhibited by gender rules as others are - kind of like preschoolers. Like, for a rough example, there is a social rule that says adult men and women don't skip down the road but there is no rule to say an adult androgyne can't do this. I find myself jogging about in the mall or along the footpath when out shopping because I feel like it, to get somewhere. I like to zip between people and dodge in an out. I never see another adult do this, feels natural to me though (maybe I'm just weird  ). I'm so going to embarrass my daughter when she is older, not that this is hard for a parent to do.

[NicholeW.]

I'm so going to embarrass my daughter when she is older, not that this is hard for a parent to do.

O so right, Nic!! Although skipping down a road may be actually less of an embarrassment to her than a whole lot of other things would be.

Feel the girl. It's actually a pretty nice feeling.

@ Wing Walker I'm glad you avoided any serious injury in your fall. Hope the brusies are getting better by the minute. @ Cindy BC, I'm glad you still have your Wing Walker in good health. I can only imagine the fright and fear you must have felt!! Glad to see the little girl is back.

Nichole

[Simone Louise]

I'm so going to embarrass my daughter when she is older, not that this is hard for a parent to do.

O so right, Nic!! Although skipping down a road may be actually less of an embarrassment to her than a whole lot of other things would be.

I don't know. My daughter gets downright disgusted when I skip. Too bad; it's one of the funnest things to do. I thought when you got to be a grownup, you could do anything you wanted.

S

[NicholeW.]

I thought when you got to be a grownup, you could do anything you wanted.

Given the title of the thread Simone ... er ... maybe there's an answer there? Perhaps you just need more time!!

Nichole

[Wing Walker]

I'm so going to embarrass my daughter when she is older, not that this is hard for a parent to do.

O so right, Nic!! Although skipping down a road may be actually less of an embarrassment to her than a whole lot of other things would be.

Feel the girl. It's actually a pretty nice feeling.

@ Wing Walker I'm glad you avoided any serious injury in your fall. Hope the brusies are getting better by the minute. @ Cindy BC, I'm glad you still have your Wing Walker in good health. I can only imagine the fright and fear you must have felt!! Glad to see the little girl is back.

Nichole

Thank you for your kind words, Nichole.  I still have a lot of scrapes and swelling but I am certain that I will be fully-healed.  I expect to be skipping as well as Simone Louise soon.

Nero, thank you for thinking of me.  May you also feel better soon.

Again, thank you, each and every one, for your kind words of concern and healing.

Most sincerely, I assure you,

Wing Walker
Grounded; Sitting This One Out

[JonasCarminis]

i think i know what you all mean about being like a kid.  i may be a teenager (17) but i still (am?) feel like a kid.  id happily play tag or hide and go seek or cops and robbers or dodgeball or... wel im sure you all get it.   i just love to play and think that its a shame that a lot of people "grow out of it" or are too embarrassed to continue to do it.