These are oldies, but goodies:
1. Oh, I just couldn't, she's only 16.
2. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
3. Duct tape wont fix that.
4. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a Smart Car.
5. I'll have the fruit plate instead of biscuits and sausage gravy.
6. We don't keep firearms in this house!
7. Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?
8. You cant feed that to the dog.
9. Too many deer heads might detract form the decor.
10. Spitting is just such a nasty habit.
11. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
12. Trim the fat off that steak, please.
13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
14. Has anybody seen the side burns trimmer?
15. I thought Graceland was tacky.
16. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's not safe.
17. Honey, we don't need another dog.
18. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
19. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
20. Wrestling's fake.
21. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
22. The tires on that truck are too big.
23. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
24. Would you please bring my salad dressing on the side?
25. What nice body this Merlot has.
26. Here's an episode of Dukes of Hazard that we haven't seen yet.
27. I don't have a favorite college football team.
28. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
29. You All.
30. Checkmate.
31. Nope, no more for me, I'm driving.
And, my favorite all time redneck joke:
Q. How can you tell if a redneck's married?
A. There's tobacco stains down both sides of the pickup truck.
