The Perils of Being a Late Bloomer

[Constance]

Since last fall, I've been reading a fair amount of young-adult BGLTQ books. I guess that might seem a bit pervy to some folks; here's this nearly 40-year-old guy who likes to read what are in essence teen romances.

I should back up a bit, though. They aren't really BGLTQ as I've yet to read one that had any Bisexual characters. They've been Gay ("Talk," "The God Box"), Lesbian ("Annie on My Mind," "Far From Xanadu," "Keeping You a Secret"), or Transgender/Transsexual ("Luna"). If one takes the Q to mean queer or questioning, then all of the above fall into that group.

I find myself jealous of some of the characters in these books.

As these things were happening to them (realization of the sexual and gender identities), they were cognizant of these processes and were able to experice them. I really wasn't cognizant of my bisexual and androgyne/cross-dressing leanings until much later in life. I feel as if I missed out on a stage of my own development. I think in part because I thought (at the time) that those things just happened to others. I had girlfriends and usually fantasized about heterosexual sex. Usually. I figured that the homosexual fanatsies were just phases, as were the fantasies of me being a bio-glrl.

Damn.

I guess it's a bit odd to be envious of folks who don't exist, but odd is me.

[Eva Marie]

As a mid-40's guy who also came to an understanding of himself about a year ago I get exactly what you are saying. We just didn't have access to the kinds of information that the younger people now enjoy. I find myself having a lot of "what if" thoughts had I been able to figure this out 25 years ago.

[Pica Pica]

i am mainly envious of fictional characters.
I want to be willy wonka (the roald dahl actual book version of willy wonka)

[Nero]

i am mainly envious of fictional characters.
I want to be willy wonka (the roald dahl actual book version of willy wonka)

I think you're more Peewee Herman.

[Pica Pica]

i've never seen any peewee herman

[tekla]

Fiction is the most popular form of literature, I wonder if this is why?

[Pica Pica]

i think fiction has the potential to be more satisfying then non-fiction, the world of what could be is always more flexible and enjoyable than what is...just look at this site.

[Nero]

i've never seen any peewee herman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaii5R2Lo8U&feature=related

[tekla]

Well put Pica.

[Pica Pica]

i've never seen any peewee herman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaii5R2Lo8U&feature=related

i believe i am insulted, i think.

[Jaimey]

When I worked at the bookstore, I would linger in the young adult section looking for those books.  I also checked out (the library system at that store was awesome) books from the gay/lesbian section...which wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be with my coworkers.  I was always jealous that the characters understood themselves when they were teenagers too.  But it's better late than never, I suppose.

I think fiction allows us to escape and to be someone else and somewhere else for a little while.  I read fiction at work and it's a great break from processing claims.

[Yochanan]

I've never known a teenager (including myself and siblings) who knew anything about themselves. Maybe that's why it's fiction. Real life is a lot more confusing.

In my own fiction, I've noticed that I tend to make my characters very self-aware. I try not to, but it's difficult.

[Constance]

riven_one, and Jaimey, I think, have hit the nail on the head.

I don't recall seeing any of these things in libraries (even the ones I worked at) as a kid, even though "Annie on My Mind" was published in 1982, 4 years before I began working in a library. And, the escapism in fiction allows for the "vicarious experience," as my high school English teachers would have described it.

Yochanan, I did know teenagers who were aware of who and/or what they were as they were developing. These were few folks, to be sure, but they were there. I even remembering asking one of my friends when she figured out she was gay. She said, "I was born gay." She pretty much realized it all along even if she didn't necessarily had the vocabulary to describe it when she was young.

So, I think that some folks are able to discover truths about themselves when they are still youngish. I just wasn't one of them. Or, what I should say, I had in a way figured it out but didn't really accept it because...

1. those things happen to other people, and I was just a "normal" guy
2. I was born a boy so I would just have to deal with it (binary illusion)
3. I didn't have the vocabulary to describe how I felt
4. I didn't have the support to be me (suburban Catholic upbringing)

[Kinkly]

I've always known I've been different Age 15 I was told by Docs I was different - cancer - brain tumor I met a lot of people who were also sick but I was just different. I liked girls but never felt like a strait guy I knew I was a more of a lesbian than a straight guy as a teen but denied that part of me totally because society was too cruel to my fem side @ age 30 I gave into the fact that I'm not what the world sees Then I found this site & I was no longer alone.  Now I need to convince my shrink That I'm not confused and that being both is valid