Making Love for the first time.

[DawnL]

I am four years post op and still a virgin.  I hadn't anticipated ever having sex because I was married and my spouse chose to stay but made it very clear that sex wasn't an option.  I respected that and took it as the price I would pay to keep her in my life because I love her immensely and could live without sex.

Now she is leaving and I'm finding myself back in the dating pool.  It's very confusing and can only assume that I am bisexual, although I seem to have a preference for guys, at least sexually.  I'm not even sure where to start though I know for sure I want to at least try a guy at least once.

We get to that question to tell or not tell.  It seems many people have no problem having casual sex and not revealing but once the relationship becomes more serious, then you need to have that talk.  I'm not sure I can do casual sex.  And how do you approach the first time?  I think I'll be nervous.  How do you conceal the fact that you're a 40 year old virgin?

[Steffi]

I would suggest that you say you had a small surgical procedure down there recently due to "women's troubles", haven't actually had sex since then and would they please take it a bit slowly and gently.
(btw - I'm pre-op so WTF do I know )

[Hannah]

How do you conceal the fact that you're a 40 year old virgin?

40 years or 18 years, whatever. If you tell a guy you just got out of a long term relationship with another woman...and have never been with a man, I'd imagine most of them are going to be eating out of your hand.

[pretty pauline]

My first time was about 14months after srs, its a good few years ago, but I remember I was very tight and he seem so big, it hurt a little, I was afraid he'd do harm, but he was very gentle with me, I think most girls it hurts the first time, guys just have to know how to treat and please a lady, being a gentleman in sex makes a girl feel special.
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[Steph2003]

You girls are making me envious! I can't wait to have a man inside of me and let him release his "juice."

Whenever I orgasm (which isn't often), I imagine that he's penetrating me!

Hopefully, I won't have to wait too long!

[pretty pauline]

I would suggest that you say you had a small surgical procedure down there recently due to "women's troubles", haven't actually had sex since then and would they please take it a bit slowly and gently.
(btw - I'm pre-op so WTF do I know )

Your so right there Steffi, in my experience the best excuse which always works is ''women troubles'' if a guy is understanding he knows not to go there, guys don't go near ''women troubles'' its a ''girl thing'' end of story.

You girls are making me envious! I can't wait to have a man inside of me and let him release his "juice."

Whenever I orgasm (which isn't often), I imagine that he's penetrating me!

Hopefully, I won't have to wait too long!

Sex was never that important to me Steph, but when he releases his juice as you put it, well its very powerful, its a big thing for a guy, the experience for me I think the woman has the better deal, its over for him and thats it, for me I feel very feminine and womanly, he's excepting me as a woman, its great being a girl, I love being a woman, that the best part for me, not just the sex act.
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[Hannah]

Just out of curiosity Steph, have you ever had sex with a man?

[Steph2003]

Hi Becca -

No I haven't had sex with a man, but for years I've dreamt about it.

The only way I could achieve orgasm is if I fantasized about having sex with a man as a woman – I've wanted to have him caress me, hold me, hug me, kiss me as if I were a woman.

Steph

[Steffi]

The only way I could achieve orgasm is if I fantasized about having sex with a man as a woman – I've wanted to have him caress me, hold me, hug me, kiss me as if I were a woman.

Yeah...... that's more or less what I did for the past 40 years - the girls/wife seemed perfectly happy with my performance, but mentally, that's where I was.

Tried male-on-male sexual encounters 'cos I thought it was probably appropriate, given what was going on inside my head, but they didn't do it for me.

[Hannah]

The only way I could achieve orgasm is if I fantasized about having sex with a man as a woman

Oh I highly recommend it  Your'e already equipped to have the experience your'e describing, and if it is with someone who loves you back (not a dirty one night stand you floosie!) it can be a spiritual experience. I know it's not the same as having a vagina, but it's pretty well established that sex is the wrong reason to have a vagina installed anyway and there is no reason to deny yourself affection and love in the short term.

My first time with anyone was with a woman, and I can only vaguely remember the details. My first time with a man was with someone I ended up spending a number of years with, and I can remember every second. I remember when that girl and I finished I thought to myself, "so, that's what makes the world go around? meh" Then, years later when I met my true love when he finished with me I could only think "woah, now I get it".

[Steph2003]

I'm no floosie, Becca!!! ;-)  I just have never wanted to have sex with a man until I'm "equipped" to. 

Granted, I always fantasized about being with a man, but I could not do it as a male – I want to be female before I go that route!

[pretty pauline]

but it's pretty well established that sex is the wrong reason to have a vagina installed anyway and there is no reason to deny yourself affection and love in the short term.

I absolutely agree with that quote, we all want to find love and affection, its nothing to do with or without a vagina, at the time I had my vagina installed it just finalised my transition, infact I was more excited at the results of my trach shave as I had that done at the same time, I wasnt even thinking of sex till guys seduced me, as they say the rest is history.
I prefer a guy to hold, caress kiss and hug me, whisper sweet nothings in my ear, spoil me and tell me Im pretty and give me a big bunch of pink roses, now thats more important than penetrating  and exploding inside me, Iv no real interest in sex, but if my BF wants it he gets it, I see things different, must be all that years of estrogen inside me.
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[Hannah]

I prefer a guy to hold, caress kiss and hug me, whisper sweet nothings in my ear

Yeah, that's my idea of being alive too.  Besides, it's been my experience that once a guy is actually inside you they don't usually stay for too terribly long anyway. I don't have a vagina just yet so maybe it's different there, but it seems like an aweful lot to go through for maybe fifteen minutes of fun...and what if you went to all the trouble only to discover that in practice instead of fantasy you actually found men icky and that the exploding thing wasn't all you hoped? It is, lol, I'm just saying what if

[Steph2003]

I guess it's up to the individual.  I think it was "icky" if a man penetrated me now, because to me, it doesn't seem the way to go ;-)

You could be right, once I'm equipped to have sex with a man, I might find him exploding inside of me icky, but I will definitely give it a try!

My need for having a vagina is not just to have sex with a man – its to feel whole, to be who I was meant to be.

[pretty pauline]

  Besides, it's been my experience that once a guy is actually inside you they don't usually stay for too terribly long anyway.

Well you absolutely spot on there, I love the build up, probably the best sadisfaction I get out of it is pleasing my BF as a woman, I love being held in his arms, then that moment comes when he explodes inside me, then he just wants to leave when I want the warm feeling to last, but I don't mind thats the way things are with guys, they put all their energy and effort into that 1moment of sadisfaction then its over very quick for him, thats why women have the better deal, Im just pleased as a woman I can give him that sadisfaction.
I remember a few weeks after my surgery more than 20years ago discussing my new equipment with my Mam, I was nervous about issues and how I was going to deal with men, my Mam was very surpportive and more or less said ''if a guy is pleased and sadisfied in that department I'II be ok''
I only resently tolded my BF I was trans, I think he slowly excepting it, about 2weeks ago he called to my apartment, it was early I was just out of bed, my hair was a mess, Id no makeup on, only a negligee and dressingown, but the way he looked at me, he said I was a ''beautiful woman'' gosh I was on cloud 9 for a week, now thats better than all the sex in the world, just being fully excepted as a woman.
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