An awakening or confirmation?

[MaggieB]

This has me so upset. I am leaving now to see my therapist. 

[Laura91]

This has me so upset. I am leaving now to see my therapist. 

I think it would benefit you if you just took a few deep breaths and calm down about this. This sort of thing is hardly worth getting worked up over (this supposed dispute on the forum, not the problems with your spouse).

[Lisbeth]

Maggie, based on reading another thread about what's going on in your life currently, I'd recommend taking some time alone before embarking on another relationship.

I wish to second that.

I would also say that you are not ready to worry about male vs female in a partner yet.  You need to figure out who you are as a person and what kind of person you are looking for in a partner before you worry about their gender.  I went through a long process of making such a list late last year, and I would be happy to share it with you when I get home.  I shared my list with Ell, and she was pleased with it.

And, hon, please try to remain calm, at least enough to be able to function.

Lisbeth

Posted on: August 08, 2008, 12:15:41 PMHere is the list I mentioned yesterday.  If you go through and ask yourself what kind of person you are looking for in each of these categories, you will be a long way ahead when the time comes to pick one.

What I Want Out of a Partner

Mind--overall intelligence, thinking style, education, depth
o intellectual style:
  * high intelligence (not necessarily education)
  * complex
  * esoteric
o verbal style:
  * expressive
  * active listening
o sense of humor:
  * silly
  * linguistic
  * intellectual
o political views:
  * liberal
  * socially conscious
o problem-solving style:
  * active
  * systematic
  * internal and external

Heart--emotional style and makeup, depth of feelings and sensitivity
o Temperament:
  * easy-going
  * snuggly
  * self-reliant
o emotional style:
  * warm
  * open
  * sensitive
  * empathic
o couple orientation:
  * closeness
  * shared time
  * space
o sexual appetites and preferences:
  * moderate frequency
  * unconventional

Soul--spirituality, philosophy, religion
o Attitude:
  * hopeful
o Values:
  * commitment to growth
o spiritual or philosophical viewpoints:
  * deep and explorative
o religious orientation:
  * critically open

Everyday compatibility--"getting along," lifestyle, cooperation, communication
o Lifestyle:
  * speed varied
  * neither night nor morning person
o energy level:
  * varied
o social style:
  * non-controlling
  * not too extroverted
o Cooperation:
  * mutuality
o motivational level:
  * willingness to try
  * put forth effort
o personal habits:
  * flexible
  * quirky
  * high maintenance
o approaches to diet and fitness:
  * pragmatic
o career orientation:
  * work to live
o financial goals:
  * simplicity
  * responsible footprint