Hello Jessica,
Let me just start out by saying that I really feel for you. You have a choice to make, and it is a hard one only you can decide. Your wife gives you no choices and as near as I can tell is totally unwilling to accept any answer to the problem other than repression to satisfy her religious conviction regardless of it's consequences to you. I'm sure that in her heart it is her love for you coupled with her conviction that you are posessed and going to hell that drives her demands. You have hit the perverbial irrisistable force against an immovable object.
You said in one post that she and you had agreed to therapy and christian counseling. In my opinion she demanded and you capitulated. This is a one way street with her, there are no other choices. Will she ever come around? Probably not. The more you exercise your right to be, the more she will cling to her beliefs for support, fearing that to aquiesce will condemn her to hell for not trying hard enough, and giving into the devil.
You have to ask yourself certain questions.
Is it more important to maintain this relationship by repressing yourself and resuming the role you wife wants?
If you do this can you be sure that the act of repression will not turn your love to
resentment?
If your love turns to resentment, what about the certain regret over years lost, spent in pain, that could have been spent in joy? Such regret might be a powerfull force leading you
to actually commit the sucide that until now you have only contemplated.
When you first came here you told us of your depression and your sucidal inclinations. You even went so far as to write a 6 page letter to your family to say good bye.
If you return to your prior efforts at denial, will not these other feelings return?
It is my impression that your wife is more concerned for herself rather than you. Is this reciprocal love?
Mind you it is not my intention here to in any way disparage your wife, and not being in the relationship I cannot say with certainty that my ascertions regarding her intent are correct. If it were me however these are certainly questions I would be asking myself so I state them here.
With regards to Jerry, I looked at the pages. Nowhere does it say were his degree came from or what degree he has. There are many categories of Phd, and it is not an MD. My guess is, because that is all that I am left with is that he has a doctorate of divinity which in no way makes him a qualified therapist. You would do better consulting a witch doctor.
Also he could have gotten such credentials on line for enough bucks and may have only taken a couple of courses at a local christian community college. He doesn't really say, we are simply left to wonder.
As to his "cure" rate, he provides no clinical research to prove any such cure. It is dubious if he himself is cured or that he was ever really GID. His testimonials provide no clue as to the identity of the transgendered he is supposed to have cured. For all we no he made them up.
His only evidence is anecdotal. That is not science, it is speculation supported by faulty premises.
As to his analysis of the "cause" of GID being some sort of trauma around the age of 3 or 5, he is full of it. My life until I was about 9 years old was idylic. It was when I was sent to Psycologists to "cure" me that my nightmare began. That was when I suffered trauma, at the hands of these so called caring professionals. I am quite familiar with the "cure" and have no doubt that Jerry is a puveyor of these all to familiar techniques coupled with a good dose of fundamenatalist BS.
If his cure rate is what he says it is than using the percentage of potential TS's to population I think we would find that there are few if any remaining TS's in the world, since apparently he's been doing this since 1963, and that this site doesn't exist and is just a figment of our collectively deluded minds.
Well Iv'e rambled on enough here. Jessica, I hope all goes well for you and that you choose the path that is best for you. To thine own self be true.
Cassie
