These are his credentials?  Hardly what I would call suffucent.

Jerry's main credentials for addressing these matters at all is derived, not by some academic title, but by the gut-wrenching "school of hard-knocks!" And the many years of intensive therapy he himself has gone through, as well as the unnumbered seminars, written and taped resources, group-therapy sessions; as well as ... just the arduous, long and hard work of recovery.

Good Morning Jessica.  I can relate very well to how you describe the situation with your wife.  Is very simular to the relationship between my own Woman and I, only there is no element of relidgion involved in this matter.

We have always had a kind of "different" relationship as I was always a more dominant type, but at the same time ceded such things as financial control and daily decisions to her.  This had the effect of giving her a lot of leverage on me at first, even to the point that I at times almost believed myself that I would not be capible of dealing with day by day details of mundane life but have discovered I haven't the problems with this I had thought I did.

Our relationship over the last 10 years was for a long time a solidification of her influence and control over certain aspects of my personality and needs to the extent that even while I was determined to follow my own will in my own matters, she maintained a deep influence over my actual actions.

It took me a long time to understand that by understanding me so well and desiring to channel various traits and characteristics to her own benifit, she was actually putting herself into the position of replaceing higher authority I had always unquestionably obeyed and served for so many years before and during our early relationship and have always needed.  I am not so dominant a personality as many even close to me would believe, at least not in particular relationships. The problem is she never understood the respect and recognition factors involved in my professional  and MC relationships and thus can not achieve my unquestionable commitment to her desires which infuriates her, as she is familiar with how I defer to others for no apparent reason to her while resisting her own efforts at control of my actions or behaviors and does not understand the how and why of it.

For the parts this woman does fulfil in me, I return many things she is in desperate need of, but it is an incomplete exchange and makes for a fiery relationship at times and I have been having to become much more assertive with her, leaving her to accept what I must do without necessarily understanding, or, make a seperate life from me to avoid the conflict.  This is NOT something that can be resolved with professional counciling as it involves diametrically opposed life goals and viewpoints that can't be compromised short of one or both of us compromising ourselves which is no solution at all.

It all comes down to sometimes you have to draw the line in the sand and accept the consiquences. Some things can be resolved and some can't.  It just depends on what you can live with or don't find life worth living with.

Terri

Hello Jessica,

Let me just start out by saying that I really feel for you. You have a choice to make, and it is a hard one only you can decide. Your wife gives you no choices and as near as I can tell is totally unwilling to accept any answer to the problem other than repression to satisfy her religious conviction regardless of it's consequences to you. I'm sure that in her heart it is her love for you coupled with her conviction that you are posessed and going to hell that drives her demands. You have hit the perverbial irrisistable force against an immovable object.

You said in one post that she and you had agreed to therapy and christian counseling. In my opinion she demanded and you capitulated. This is a one way street with her, there are no other choices. Will she ever come around? Probably not. The more you exercise your right to be, the more she will cling to her beliefs for support, fearing that to aquiesce will condemn her to hell for not trying hard enough, and giving into the devil.

You have to ask yourself certain questions.

Is it more important to maintain this relationship by repressing yourself and resuming the role you wife wants?

If you do this can you be sure that the act of repression will not turn your love to
resentment?

If your love turns to resentment, what about the certain regret over years lost, spent in pain, that could have been spent in joy? Such regret might be a powerfull force leading you
to actually commit the sucide that until now you have only contemplated.

When you first came here you told us of your depression and your sucidal inclinations. You even went so far as to write a 6 page letter to your family to say good bye.

If you return to your prior efforts at denial, will not these other feelings return?

It is my impression that your wife is more concerned for herself rather than you. Is this reciprocal love?

Mind you it is not my intention here to in any way disparage your wife, and not being in the relationship I cannot say with certainty that my ascertions regarding her intent are correct. If it were me however these are certainly questions I would be asking myself so I state them here.

With regards to Jerry, I looked at the pages. Nowhere does it say were his degree came from or what degree he has. There are many categories of Phd, and it is not an MD. My guess is, because that is all that I am left with is that he has a doctorate of divinity which in no way makes him a qualified therapist. You would do better consulting a witch doctor.
Also he could have gotten such credentials on line for enough bucks and may have only taken a couple of courses at a local christian community college. He doesn't really say, we are simply left to wonder.

As to his "cure" rate, he provides no clinical research to prove any such cure. It is dubious if he himself is cured or that he was ever really GID. His testimonials provide no clue as to the identity of the transgendered he is supposed to have cured. For all we no he made them up.
His only evidence is anecdotal. That is not science, it is speculation supported by faulty premises.

As to his analysis of the "cause" of GID being some sort of trauma around the age of 3 or 5, he is full of it. My life until I was about 9 years old was idylic. It was when I was sent to Psycologists to "cure" me that my nightmare began. That was when I suffered trauma, at the hands of these so called caring professionals. I am quite familiar with the "cure" and have no doubt that Jerry is a puveyor of these all to familiar techniques coupled with a good dose of fundamenatalist BS.

If his cure rate is what he says it is than using the percentage of potential TS's to population I think we would find that there are few if any remaining TS's in the world, since apparently he's been doing this since 1963, and that this site doesn't exist and is just a figment of our collectively deluded minds.

Well Iv'e rambled on enough here. Jessica, I hope all goes well for you and that you choose the path that is best for you. To thine own self be true.

Cassie

Short and to the point:

Jessica, your life is your own. Live it as YOU wish.
Do not live it entirely for others.

I believe one could so bury themselves behind (religious or otherwise) convictions as to never find themselves again in this life. That is a pretty good definition of hell to me.

As far as realityresources goes.. I can't help but wonder if their last name is by chance.

*chortle* ok the more I read the more I'm finding funny so I'll just shut up and go away now.

Hi Jessica,

Some very good advice has been provided here. Ultimately you will have to make a decision on which path you will walk. Many people do mistake our own image of ourselves as something to be cured. I believe this to be in part because they have settled on what they believe us to be and when that does not line up with what we in fact are it causes confusion on their part. Part of it is because when they realise how others who don't understand us will react toward us they feel under threat also. Part also is a sense of loss of what they had.

Many of the stories from significant others talk of that loss. Time may or may not heal this sense of loss and that is for that individual to deal with. We may be able to help ease their sense of loss but only they can truly deal with it. If that process leads to acceptance on their part then you are one of the lucky, if not you have to decide whether you can live without that acceptance. My wife made it clear that she could not accept me en femme. So beit, that side of me I share with the people here and in quiet moments on my own. That was my decision and something I live with. You need to decide if this path is for you. The thing that you have on your side is time. Don't rush a decision that will affect your life in such a very large way. Try on some of the shoes of life, choose carefully and try not to burn to many ridges before you are sure.

Most of all good luck and try to gain acceptance within yourself it will make it easier for others to accept you. This no guarantee of acceptance just an easier path for them to follow you on.

Shelley