Still not over her..... (Now I am)

[LynnER]

First off Im not sure where this should be posted so please feel free to move it if needs be.

Well, its been two months and a day sence she broke up/divorced/what ever you want to call it me....
Im refering to my ex fience.....

I still feel the love for her, despite all thats occoured.... I still feel a bond with her though she insists its not there... <we still have the silent comunication and same thing same time syndrom>..... I just cant get over the fact that were not together anymore.....

I used to suffer from nightmares and insomnia before meeting her... and am again with a vengence....
Im again extreemly depressed but nolonger to the point of morbibidity...

I dont know how to let go, I dont know how to move on but Im trying.........

I seriously dobut I'll ever manage to win her back.... (though that would make my life at this point)

I still remember the night of June 18th 2005 when she dropped to one knee and proposed to me.... I was allready out at that point and transitioning at the time....  Shes the one that helped me out of my shell and set me down my path when I was too affraid to before....

Does anyone have any sugestions..... I need to move on.... get ahold of myself... and take controll of my life.... ITS MY LIFE!!!..... but I cant get her out of my head.... and everything reminds me of her.... and my birthday is going to be fun cuz thats the day we started dateing so........

Im sorry for the rant but Im at a total loss as to what to do... I miss her so much......

[Kendall]

Read some inspirational stuff or books/sites on breakups. Get involved in some other activity or hobby. Here is a few google search things I found on the first page.

http://sheknows.com/about/look/2421.htm
http://breakups101.com/adjusting.html
http://www.cupidnights.com/dating-advice/article-1.html
http://www.pharrah13.com/surviving_a_breakup.html

[HelenW]

Lynn,

Losing someone we love leaves a big hole in our lives.  And for a time, sometimes longer, sometimes shorter, we tend to fall into that hole and it reminds us of what we lost.  And it hurts.  Sometimes alot.  Then as time goes on we learn to walk around the hole.  It'll always be there but you'll know it and see it and, yeah, get used to its being there.

I can see that this will be hard for you to see right now but you'll get used to that hole eventually and you'll find other things that may even become bridges over it.

Hang in there sweetie,
helen

[Jillieann Rose]

LynnER ,
You just got to keep going and doing things you would normally do.
Just one day at a time, for now.  Yes reading or watching movies or do some kind of hobby or other activity will help. It will become easier as time goes on.
Here is a hug to help you get through this day.

Feeling for Ya Girl,
Jillieann

[tinkerbell]

Hi Lynn:

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through all this.  I wish I knew a magical formula to share with you, but unfortunately I don't.
You just have to move on with your life and put yourself as the number one priority.  After all we are the only ones who are responsible for our own happiness, no one else has that power, just us.  Time will help you heal but in the meantime you need to let go of the past and start living your life as who you really are...we only get one chance at this life and this is it.  Take care Lynn!

tinkerbell

[Shannon]

Lynn,

I am very sorry to hear of your breakup.  I know breaking up with someone you truly love can be one of the most traumatic experiences in your entire life.  Its true you will never forget her completely, but the pain you are feeling right now will go away eventually.  She will always have a place in your heart and no one can ever take this away from you.  The good news is time is a good healer if you give it a chance.  My advice is to move forward.  Find new hobbies to enjoy and focus more on those rather than sitting around dwelling on the past.  Do things that are a bit out of character for you, expand your horizons and explore new possibilities.  Always remember the possibilities are endless.  There is a whole world out there just waiting to be explored.  Take a trip to a far away place you never been before, meet new friends and have fun.  Don't let the past haunt you for the rest of your life and be miserable.  Remember it does not have to be this way.  It can be looked at as a new opportunity for a whole new beginning.  You need to move forward, be the master of your own destiny and explore new positive things.  Believe me there are lots of things out there just waiting to be found.  Its all up to you to discover them.  Take care and I wish you well on your journey!   

Hugs,

Shannon

[LynnER]

I think its finaly happened...... the spark seems to have faded and dissapeared.

Now when I see her I nolonger feel the pangs of sorrow, I still love her but I think Im nolonger inlove with her.... Now I dont know.... its like theres this wierd void where that spark used to be and I dont know what to do with it.... Guess life will answer that question for me in time 

[Buffy]

Hi Lynn,

Sounds like progress honey....

I was married for 15 years and devastated that I couldn't save any kind of relationship with my ex......

I have never stopped loveing her however and time has made this more bearable. I know that she is now probably better off without me, re-married and having a better life than I could have given her.... but I still miss her.

Break up's are hard and emotional times that effect us deeply, even if we can maintain a friendship from the wreckage that is to be cherished...

Buffy

[tinkerbell]

Things are getting better, I see.  Good for you Lynn!  Although the love for her will always be present in your heart, it will become how it started like, a sincere friendship.



tinkerbell 

[Luc]

Lynn, I'm glad to see you're doing better... I've been through roughly the same thing 3 times in my life already, and the last time was the worst. I finally got over it by focusing on the things that I was, that I didn't need that other person for, and getting into everything I knew I excelled at. I had to show myself that I had a great deal of self-worth even if there was no one else around to tell me, and it worked. I now have more self-confidence than ever before. Don't worry, and have hope, Lynn... it's cliched, but there's always tomorrow, and there may be someone even more amazing out there for you.

Rafe

[Kendall]

Found 10 steps that really look great to continue moving on

http://www.thirdage.com/news/archive/ALT03030701-02.html

I like steps 4 and 5 which sort of looks at and tries to learn from the relationship. The steps right before forgiving, distance, and moving on. Learning as much as you can by retracing everything rationally. Learning how you work and fit in relationships.

4. Understand what happened in the relationship. In order for you to be able to come to terms with the breakup and to move on to creating a wonderful life, you need to understand what happened to cause it. This is the part of your journey where you will have to be extremely honest with yourself. It will do you no good to blame your ex or yourself. You need to clearly understand the dynamic you and your partner created together. You need to clearly trace the threads of the events that led to the animosity or the cooling off in the relationship.

5. Understand why you chose your former partner. People choose relationships for many different reasons, the most popular being "love." But what many consider to be "in love" is not really love at all. Here are some of the reasons why people choose each other:

A deep need to be wanted

A lifelong struggle to meet someone and "save" them or "change" them

A fear of being alone

Infatuation

Material security

For the good of the children, etc.

If you can honestly examine and understand why you chose your partner, you will be able to see the beginnings of the breakup at the inception of the relationship. You will also start to build understanding to be able to choose differently the next time around.

Whereas step 9 you look into your next relationship.

9. Resolve to learn everything about yourself and relationships. If you are to create a better relationship in the future, without repeating the same mistakes, you need to understand and examine every aspect of relationships in regard to yourself. You need to know what you want in a relationship, what kind of partner would be best suited for you, what you absolutely need in order to feel satisfied, and what you absolutely will not accept.

[Annwyn]

Oh darling... all I can say is I'm so sorry.  I can't give any good advice on this.  All I can say is, when you transition, it's a complete start-over.  I've got two women I'm completely in love with, and I've been having ah ard time with both of them... I can only be with one, and the one I love more is the one who isn't tolerable of this, the other one is my ex-fiance who I'd still be with and she'd be with me had the situation been different.  It's just so... unfair, heart wrenching.  I know I can go without them but... I don't want to.  I'll have half my heart ripped out if I turn my back, and I'm just crying thinking about it.
There's always someone else to fall in love with... but it's just so hard.
I know I am going to have to leave them both, I'm trying to aim for someone older, like a lot older, but I just can't get my mind off of... love, and those to have mine.

[cindianna_jones]

For LynnER and Annwyn

Drive of youth
Hormones that push to procreate.
are the same that designate
the product of your depression.

No end in sight
the demon takes delight
in your plight
of love and sadness
of loss and yearning

Time will yet mend
and you'll find the end.
Years of maturity will
quench your burning.

Copyright 2006 Cindi Jones