Introductions..

[Rhye]

Hi, my name is Lindsey, and I'm new here. I haven't had enough time to make any declarations, but I'm going to tentatively call myself FTM.

Thing is: Most transsexuals say they felt like their "mind gender" their whole life. I didn't. I was a happy little kid, I didn't go through this until after puberty, and even then it was a slow buildup til I "realized" anything. It didn't hit me like a ton of bricks, it took me a long time to realize something was wrong, and longer to wonder what it might be. Did anybody else go through the same situation this way? 

Puberty didn't bring a huge tidal wave of grief upon me like some transgendered guys and girls mention, and I never thought I was a boy. But over those last three years, my comfort level with my body and myself deteriorated, and I lost a lot of interest in life. I didn't know what was wrong, because I have no reason to go around feeling nothing for life. I don't have a great life, but I have an okay one.

I also became very obsessed with men. Mostly men with characteristics similar to mine - small builds, effeminate faces, slim hands. I still am, actually. It took some time to realize that I don't want to be with these men, really.. but I want to be them.

I look in the mirror and I see a good-looking girl. I also see a great female body. I'm happiest when I'm wearing long shorts and a hoodie, because if I wear girl shorts and a tank top, I can't stop feeling uncomfortable. Whatever the mirror is telling me, I feel much more secure when my body is hidden.

Until this spring, I had the same conscious dislike for my hair. I walked into a Holiday Hair and asked for a boy's cut, and now I don't feel awful about my hair anymore. Cutting my hair off was an enormous release of tension that I wasn't anticipating at all, and it's partly what set this chain of thought into motion.

It took a long time to get the courage to sign up and write this, because it feels like a milestone.. like admitting it might set off this chain of events that I can't stop. I don't know if I can go anywhere with this, but I guess I'll find out. It's an interesting feeling, to write this out for the first time!


^{edit - personal info}

[Nero]

Welcome Lindsey. I'm Nero.

<offers hand>

[vanna]

Hi lindsey

a hug and warm welcome to you hun,

i dont believe theres a set timelimit for self realisation i know of a mtf who transitioned at 67 after realising at 60 what was finally wrong. Your the best judge and jury so dont worry about it and just enjoy discovering who you really are.

[NicholeW.]

Hi, Lindsey,

A lot of us find puberty a very traumatic and hopeless experience. Even those of us who "knew" from a younger age appear to receive our "real" traumas when the wrong hormones build in our systems and incite the absolute wrong changes in our bodies. My personal opinion is that is when the actual dysphoria begins.

A lot of us don't feel any dysphoric emotional content until after puberty begins; you are not alone. Not by any stretch of anyone's imagination.

Anyhow, it's nice of you to join. Welocme to Susan's!

I hope you will find the following information helpful in your stay. Please take some time to read The Site Rules and on The Main Page you can discover Links, Chat and Wiki for your use as well. You might also want to go to the "Announcements" section and read the two posts "Post Ranks" and "Reputation Rules" to help you with some knowledge about when you can apply your own avatars, PM, and what those lil stars mean beneath all of our names and how to get them for yourself as well!!

All the very best and I'll be looking forward to reading more of your postings.

Nichole

[tinkerbell]

Hello Lindsey and welcome to Susan's!

Thanks so much for introducing yourself.  Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the boards of the site, review the site rules before posting, and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki, chat, and the links listed at the main page.  We look forward to your future posts and participation.  Enjoy your stay

tink

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Lindsey,

Welcome to our little family.  Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers.  Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now.  And it is always nice to have another member.

And don't be afraid of the dark, it wont hurt you.  I don't let it hurt my friends.  It knows it's Mistress.

Mistress Janet

[Rhye]

Nero, vanna, Nichole, Tink, Janet.. thank you for the welcome! It's a good feeling, that none of us are alone.

And Nichole, that's comforting. I hesitated from trying to find anything out just because my "non-trans" childhood threw everything off - I thought there wasn't an answer for me. Good to know I was wrong, I guess? 

[sarahb]

Hey Lindsey,

Welcome to Susan's! You'll find there are a wide variety of scenarios that make up a TS's life. No two stories are exactly the same so you shouldn't feel bothered that you don't fit into the "typical" TS story. As long as you know who you are then that's all that counts.

I'm sure you'll be able to gain a lot of knowledge and support from this site. There are a ton of great people here.

Take Care,
Sarah