That's right, I took the job. I'll start teaching again (75% time) in the final week of September. I don't know whether there will be anything for me in January, and I might not take it even if it's offered.
I'm happy for the job and the money. I can put a few thou into retirement, set aside a couple thou for frivolous purposes, and still have more than enough to pay for six months of therapy. So I'm feeling pretty lucky.
However, I'm not quite sure how to present myself. So far, I'm out to me, my partner, one close friend, my therapist, and all of you. I'm sick of hiding, but in a way I haven't been hiding, exactly. Ever since I started teaching nine years ago, I have had short hair, masculine attire, a low (but not male) voice, and a number of masculine mannerisms. I have a masculine first name, and I have always insisted that my students call me Mr. instead of Ms. or Miss or Mrs. In the teaching evaluations that my students submit, some call me "him" and some call me "her." It's very obvious, however, that I'm biologically female.
I don't pack. I would probably look ridiculous at this point if I did. I think I might be able to bind if I bind
over a t-shirt, but I'm still really big there, and I won't lose weight fast enough to make a big difference by then. (I can't wear any kind of binder next to my skin because I'm allergic to synthetic fabrics, but I've been trying to think creatively. Binding over a t-shirt might work.)
I guess a lot of other people have been in this spot. I suppose the sensible thing would be to present as I've always presented and just start binding whenever I'm able. I'll have to experiment with that, anyway.
But I'm still feeling a bit let down. I'm not the same me that I was in June, and I want my appearance to reflect that.
As an old friend used to say, "Tough tiddlywinks." I'll just have to suck it up and be a man about it.
